Bobmin356 posted a comment on Monday 20th July 2009 9:45am

Hmmm Honestly? I'm pretty much hating this completely at this point. You have Hermione that willingly helped Harry get two slaves, once again proving that she does things without properly researching them. And you have Harry being forced into the position of slave owner.

I find his total lack of reaction, ie, saying screw it, girls, we're going muggle and screw these wizards.

I mean really, he's taking all this crap from everyone and if he doesn't start taking scalps soon. Malfoy should not only have forfeited the match, but Harry should have seriously maimed the bugger.

The problem is, reading this chapter just makes me angry. The girls are pushing Harry to be their owner, and everyone else is going along with it. He oughta turn to those two girls and say "Ladies, lets show them why Voldemort shouldn't be considered the only dark lord in town." and then take them on a pure blooded blood bath.

Hermione should not be associating with a slave owner at all. I find her reaction to all of this curious to say the least.

Harry should (a) free the girls and (b) tell the wizarding world to go screw themselves. Then he should blast Hermione for putting him in the position in the first place.

It's your story, we'll see where it goes. But if you wanted a gut reaction, you managed to generate one with this chapter.

Crys replied:

Thank you for the honest opinion.

Yes, disgust with the whole situation is part of it.   Mostly, I'm trying to explore how Harry reacts to the whole mess that's been dumped on him.

You're not the only one to comment on Hermione's curious passiveness.   But, I'll remind you that she's spent some significant "off camera" time with the two girls, getting their point of view of the whole thing.

Harry saying, "Ah, hell with it all" and going on a killing rampage or just moving to Albuquerque may look reasonable to us, but he does have that "saving people thing" to take into account.

Thank you for your honest, gut reaction.

Evan Mayerle posted a comment on Monday 20th July 2009 8:33am

Now this has been a "learning experience" for Harry that I doubt he really cared for but he's equating himself well and I suspect the clerk may just have started to realize the power he holds. That was definitely an ominous cliffie you ended and I'm hoping the cause is something "simple" like a Deatheater attack that Harry can counter while protecting his girls; mind you, they'll want to be with him and he's going to have to get them trained up right smartly for their and his protection. I admit to being rather amused by the continuing inability of Malfoy to do much now that Potter's so visibly pulled his fangs (at least for now).

Hawklan posted a comment on Monday 20th July 2009 6:08am

just finished this second chapter. nice story so far and I love the handling of Draco :)

Crys replied:

*evil grin*   Wait until the next big confrontation with mal-ferret

ThunderGod posted a comment on Sunday 19th July 2009 8:24am

I hate cliffies...great story, but bad ending...cause its a cliffie

brad posted a comment on Saturday 18th July 2009 8:17pm

Oooh, but you can't stop there!! What's going to happen!?!?!?!?

I don't remember I said so in my last review, but congratulations on the full-blood/pure-blood distinction. Dr. T is the only fanfic author I've come across who has previously used the term, and it makes so much more sense than Rowling's according equal 'half-blood' status to Harry, Seamus and Riddle.

I like the camaraderie demonstrated between the four girls (Susan, Hermione and the two chattel). Pleased that Hermione's been accepted by more than her two boys.

Still puzzled as all hell as to what she sees in Ron. :-(

I'm a bit concerned/worried for Luna. I think everyone has a soft spot for Luna; she's unique but also vulnerable, having been outcast for so long, but now seeing what friendship can be like. I love how Harry's been able to 'connect' with her - very happy he's made the effort to understand her, bravo! - but wondering if she held a torch for him? -

> Luna, after looking back and forth between them once, also smiled, but not in quite the same way.

I think, if this was still a Rorschach's Blot story, you'd have his whacky!crazy!Luna promptly arrange for her father to sell her off to Harry as well. :-) I'm certain you won't do that - it would destroy the whole tone of this more 'serious' tale - but still, I can't help but wonder if Harry's threesome with his two concubines could possibly become a foursome over time. We (Luna) fans are just never content, are we? Well, it was only a sentence, but I did like the H/L interaction/friendship here, and Luna's 'not quite the same way' smile, hmmmm ...

Thank you for the chapter.

Crys replied:

You don't actually expect me to tell you what happens next, do you?   That's what the next chapter is for!

It  may well have been  DrT where I got the full blood term.   I honestly don't remember anymore.

Luna: She's one of those characters that can go in so many directions.   JKR left her wide open for us fanfic authors to work with.   Has she held a torch?   Maybe, but no more serious than "he's a cute boy who didn't tease me".

Yeah, in a Ror's story, she would be begging to be "sold" to Harry (and then take a dog collar and leash to present to him).   Come to think of it, that's happened more than once, IIRC.   As much as I like Ror's stories, I can't write at quite the same level of "zany" that he does.

Glad you're enjoying the story.

Sterling posted a comment on Saturday 18th July 2009 7:23pm

I like this chapter better then the first. I had some initial reservations about the plot's main premise. However, I think you are doing a bang-up job with characterization and you are flirting around the edges of some of those "harem" fics with playful abandon, without falling into the deep holes those usually fall into. I look forward to seeing some more.

Crys replied:

I've read entirely too many PWP harem fics.   I want to take some of that same idea (without the lemons) and run in a different direction with it.   Hopefully it's working.

Thank you for reading.

Mionefan posted a comment on Saturday 18th July 2009 1:44pm

Hmm, I like the way this is going. Very unusual way to get a pair of brides. Personally, I'd like to see Hermione as the main wife, but you have your own agenda. Can't see her with Ron, despite what JKR wrote. She's too smart for Ron.

Crys replied:

Personally, I agree with you on R/Hr.   But what're we going to do, tell JKR that she wrote it wrong?

As for this story . . .

Thanks for reading

Time Shifter posted a comment on Saturday 18th July 2009 10:13am

I'm absolutely loving this story, and that's an interesting cliffhanger you threw at the end.

I've enjoyed how you've written Harry slowly getting used to everything; even though he's "blowing up" at all of the atrocities related to his chattel, he's down to just accidental magic instead of yelling. I'm eager to see what you have planned for the next chapter!

Artereus posted a comment on Saturday 18th July 2009 9:34am

Interesting chapter, complete with cliffie!

Harry's reactions are getting a little over the top, imho. The Ladies need to drill into him that the situation, while crappy, is what they have to work with. As their actions reflect on him, it also works the other way.

Please don't turn Harry into Emo!Harry.

Acceptance must be reached, before finding a solution.

The point that seems to be missing: Yes, they are considered his property. That does not mean he needs to treat them like house elves. Or coat racks, or whatever.

Time for Harry to grow up and learn that when life gives you a basket of lemons, don't be a whiny bitch and sulk/act out.

Banish abrasives followed by pulped aforementioned lemons.

Looking forward to the next installment.

Peace!

Crys replied:

Yes, Harry's reactions are still on the juvenile side.   OtOH, he IS a seventeen year old under enormous stress from multiple directions.

I try to level out his actions over the rest of the story.   Please let me know if it works.

Thanks for reading.

keebler_elmo posted a comment on Saturday 18th July 2009 7:20am

Great story. I like the concept and I'm interested in seeing where you take it.

I found this line :"I. Will. Not. Give. Them. Dark. Marks," Harry bit off.

to be a little be extreme and uncalled for. It seemed to me Harry just flew off the handle.

Keep up the good work and update soon.

Crys replied:

Harry's desperately trying not to follow Voldy's path.   He thought he was being told to "mark" them.   When he realized it wasn't that bad, he calmed down (some).

Glad you're enjoying it.

Carol Layland posted a comment on Saturday 18th July 2009 5:40am

I find this story infinately fascinating and totally readable. As usual your work seems almost professionable and I only wish that JKR would authorize some of you to publish with a double credit aknowledgement like some of the other scifi authors do. Certainly your stories should qualify. Carol Layland

Crys replied:

Thank you for your kind words.   Happy that you consider me to be of professional quality.

On the other hand, Abraxan and Jbern, both also on fanficauthors.net actually ARE professional.   They're both published authors.

Glad you're enjoying the story.

Ben Russell-Gough posted a comment on Saturday 18th July 2009 5:31am

Huhn? Cliffie? DAMN IT!

Oh well. I like how you're handling this. No one is happy with the situation. However, what I really like is Harry is being forced to ignore his ingraned nobility and desire to treat people as equals. I also think that he is being forced to see Ron (and the prejudices with which Ron was born) in a new and unfavorable light.

This is a new and very welcome approach to the whole situation. New = much more worth reading. :D

BenRG's Rating: 8/10

thyrokio posted a comment on Saturday 18th July 2009 2:56am

Good second chapter, I wonder if Ron is going to realize his idiocy or continue to act like this?

thyrokio posted a comment on Saturday 18th July 2009 2:32am

Good to see this one shot was made into a story.
And good work by the way

Musings of Apathy posted a comment on Saturday 18th July 2009 2:10am

Excellent. Loved it. I like that Harry is learning without falling into the punishing master routine. My guess on the cliffhanger is the press outside, rather than dark witches/wizards en masse.

Mike (MoA)

Crys replied:

Huh.   Mike, thus far you're the only one to predict that it isn't a bad surprise outside.   Well, the press isn't "good", but you know what I mean.

Thanks for reading.

David Najarian posted a comment on Saturday 18th July 2009 2:00am

Excellent chapter. More great work as always.

Keep up the great work!!

Stygius posted a comment on Saturday 18th July 2009 1:42am

argh... wrong place to end.... nooooo.... why did you have to include the last line... on the whole, nice progression of story, looking forward to seeing how harry progresses her with the girls... and also what roles Luna, Hermione and Susan will play in the story... daphne and tracey are perfect... looking forward to more drama and harry slowly but surely coming to terms with what having the girls as his Chattel means. i think you should involved McGonagall a bit more, i always think she is an undeveloped character.

regardless, looking forward to more.

PS. ron needs a good thumping. i mean sure guys are allowed to be loud and a little idiot in private, but seriously he is stepping out of all bounds... perhaps a few pranks are in order.

PSS. what is happening with Harry's magic. seems a little more erratic. will this lead to something in the future?

Crys replied:

Why did I include the last line?   Why, to keep you on the edge of your seat, of course. :)

I've always liked McG and Flitwick far more than the other staff.   Lots of room for characterization.   Fear not, they shall remain faithful allies of our intrepid hero.

Ron (and Draco for that matter) will be dealt with eventually.

Harry's magic is a bit wonky at the moment.   Powerful but under enormous emotional stress.

Thanks for reviewing.

Jack B Nimble posted a comment on Saturday 18th July 2009 1:18am

Great read. Although, you had to know that was an evil ending to the chapter!

Still good fun, and I'm looking forward to more. Thanks for the time and effort and thanks for sharing the results!

marcelhm posted a comment on Saturday 18th July 2009 12:28am

ah the evil cliff hanger.... how I hate them. I realy liked the scene at the ministry though ^_^
eagerly anticipating then next chapter, till then!

Gaelyn posted a comment on Friday 17th July 2009 10:50pm

Gah! Cliffie! Once again, I'm enthralled with this story and its possibilities. Keep up the great work!