By Crys
Reviews
Stanger posted a comment on Friday 23rd October 2009 9:04pm
thanks, great last chapter, though, i would hope you write a sequel, i just can't get enough of this pairing, and story
LynnTerald posted a comment on Friday 23rd October 2009 8:58pm
Better, but that's all I can really say. I like that Harry is minister and that there is no romance at the end. Its...a tidy ending to a chaotic life.
cmatbmed posted a comment on Friday 23rd October 2009 8:40pm
fail
Quackpotty posted a comment on Friday 23rd October 2009 8:21pm
It's sad that it's finished, but thanks for the story. I enjoyed it, despite what happened to Daphne.
Crys replied:
Thank you. Glad you enjoyed it.
Kalen Darkmoon posted a comment on Friday 23rd October 2009 8:18pm
Oh and to be clear, I am not saying Hermione and/or Tracey owe him their undying love themselves.
Only that they do owe him some consideration for his own life/happiness given all of the trauma he was subjected to for their sakes and survival.
They both know that he his hopeless with girls because he lacks confidence and self-esteem. But yet they do nohing to assist him in his life or happiness.
If they were real friends they would have recognized the level of sacrifice that was exacted from him and would aid him where they could. They do owe him their concern and I daresay even their assistance in some way to see that he isn't left remaining alone and unloved.
Especially when Hermione knew that the greatest thing his heart desired most in life, as was shown in canon , was a loving family. (And again not contradicted in this story.) Tracey certainly knew to some degree about his feelings given Harry's refusal to accept Daphne's advances because he wanted it to be fully of her own free will to love and want to be intimate with him. Not because it was expected or required because of their enslavement.
As they weren't even remotely shown really caring about him at all or assisting him in any way, I see them in this story as little more than selfish, ungrateful b*tches who do not deserve his time nor friendship. After all, they have been only shown as taking but never giving back in their relationship with him. I refuse to call that friendship. What they are shown as doing is really no more than taking advantage and using him for their own ends - their own security and happiness through his power/influence.
LDA posted a comment on Friday 23rd October 2009 8:18pm
I have to ask, did you get bored with the story after you finished the Battle chapter and that is the reason why it went from great to crap in an instant?
novastorm76 posted a comment on Friday 23rd October 2009 8:11pm
That was a very unsatisfying end to a good story. Who is Harry with? How many time has passed? What else happened?
Rage and Light posted a comment on Friday 23rd October 2009 7:45pm
I am sorry to say these last few chapters have feeling destroyed what began as a very good story, I do not know why you decided to go down this road but in my mind it was the wrong choice. Someone pointed out an area in one of the earlier reviews and I agree with it. Daphne should not have died I think she would have made a good wife for harry at the end.
Sorry I don't usually like putting up a negative review but I can't help it with this
david
Kalen Darkmoon posted a comment on Friday 23rd October 2009 7:36pm
Perhaps this story is more realistic than you intended. After all, it is a well known truth that nice guys NEVER get the girl in RL. -At least until she is dumped and needs a shoulder to cry on for a bit (or needs any other kind of help) before moving on to the next guy, again tossing aside the one that has given the most. That goes on for many women until she hits her 30's, has put on weight and/or needs some stupid nice guy to help her take care of the kids she had with all the others she slept with before finally coming to him "to settle down." Other guys that she apparently found more deserving of her affections but yet ultimately left her behind just as she did to the nice guys until she needs the fools to help bail her out and/or salvage her ego. Oh and lets not even begin to get into the infidelity rates among such women even after snagging the stupid nice guy. Infidelity rates statistically are over 65% for women in "committed" relationships or married. And since most playboys and promiscuous guys that they are drawn to never marry, we can see who pays the price for the infidelity most.
But that's a side issue that is tangent to what I am getting at here.
Because this really is similar for far too many of those in RL that risk their lives for the sake of others, like our soldiers overseas. Far too many of them face the same ingratitude, being tossed aside when unneeded and/or even worse betrayed for another in their absence.
Harry sacrificed a great deal for everyone and put a lot on the line to help Tracey and Daphne as well as save the world, but in the end everyone (even his best and only friends) go on with their lives without him - abandoned him. Even years later he is shown that he remains alone and they are only coming to see him for what they can get from him influentially/politacally rather than any care shown for him and his life. A young man they who has known virtually NO love in his life is used and cast aside by even those he considered his closest friends, those he risked and sacrificed the most for.
It mirrors real life in that it shows just how incredibly selfish the majority of people (in both RL and even among Harry's "closest" friends in this story) really are and how it's always themselves that they are concerned with first and foremost. Not the stupid schmuck that foolishly believed they were doing a good thing in fighting for and/or protecting them. Instead as is far too often shown (and thus rightly considered "realistic" by authors of fiction) such nice guys are often really only being used and tossed aside when no longer useful.
I saw absolutely no concern shown by Tracey, Hermione or anyone else regarding Harry's complete lack of love in his life and his being cast aside alone while they go on with their lives with only casual concern about what he can continue to do for them with his influence and/or political power. In fact despite what he sacrificed and did for her, Tracy even had the unmitigated gall to take a portion of the inheritance his parents left him when she cast him aside. It's disgusting that to the very end, he is used and then they walk away with no real concern shown for him or his life beyond what they can get from him.
I do congratulate you in that it is indeed a very realistic portrayal in how most children who are ill-treated and bullied so horribly (as Harry was shown to be in canon and not depicted any differently here) tend to grow up one of two extremes. Either vicious and cruel (Voldie) or the quintessential "nice guy" that does everything for the sakes of others with little or no concern for themselves nor their own happiness. All because they are always seeking the acceptance and affection of others they were denied all their lives - and in Harry's case to this bitter end continued to be in this story. They do what they do for even the small, temporary bit of seeming concern or caring for them it might garner. It's horribly sad and utterly disgusting to see others take advantage of such people - even cleaning them out monetarily as Tracey did.
Even if it was with his consent at the time it was taking advantage of him when he was vulnerable - hurt and alone with nobody to watch out for him or HIS interests or for his benefit.
It is very disheartening you chose to leave it so bitterly realistic, but then I suppose I can't really fault you in it being just that - realistic. Because that is what I see Harry left with here since nothing you have portrayed leads anyone to really believe otherwise... or they selfishly just don't care. You may show him happy in his public face/facade in this epilogue but I find it hard to believe that he would really be happy outside of his facade remaining alone.
Maybe I'm just too much of a sucker for happy endings (in the fiction I read to escape the harsh cruelties of reality/life) because ultimately, the end of this was absolutely hollow/empty for the hero that suffered so much. As such it left only bitter ashes for this reader. His struggle was meaningless and pointless in every way for his own sake and gained him absolutely nothing for himself in what matters most in life - love and acceptance for himself. (beyond what he can do for them and their sakes)
Crys replied:
This was meant to be realistic. As you said, perhaps too realistic.
Since about the 5th book, I felt that JKR would leave the story with Harry alone. It just seemed more believable. Sad, maybe, but believable.
In retrospect, that may have been kinder than what she did to him. But that's a whole other conversation regarding JKR's writing.
His state at this point? Yes, he puts on a "happy face" for the world, but he's probably lonely. Unfortunate as that is.
Thanks for reading.
grookill posted a comment on Friday 23rd October 2009 6:17pm
This chapter didn't do it for me.
Throughout "Chattel" I was led to believe this was a romance story of sorts and then I read an ending that would be more appropriate for an adventure story where the relationships are secondary (at best) to the plot.
I really expected the final chapter to give a POSITIVE and possibly WAFFY ending.
The "other stuff" about Ron, being Minister, and the secretary was good.
Over all, a great story where the ending didn't come close to meeting expectations.
Jamey posted a comment on Friday 23rd October 2009 5:51pm
Telegraphic - it could have been fleshed out more - but then I'm not exactly one to toss that stone, living in my own silicon dioxide structure.
I do like that you did not go for the easy "happily ever after" ending that ended up with Harry married to one, two or even three ladies.
I'm also not sure about Harry becoming the MoM, but I've never felt that was Harry's eventual role in life. I do tend to feel that designating Harry's vault as a trust vault (and I'd swear it is so designated somewhere in canon) means that there is another, likely significantly larger vault somewhere. With that, Harry finding out that he doesn't *NEED* to work, I've always imagined him taking on a house husband role, raising children while his wife is the bread-winner for the family (not that she really needs to, but it's what makes her feel fulfilled.)
In the end, I think you did a good job with this story - I can't wait to see what you come up with next!
GinnyLover posted a comment on Friday 23rd October 2009 5:41pm
Thanks for the story! Got anything planned for the next story?
I do have the first chapter of a story that a friend and i wrote looking for an author if you would like to take a look at.
mwinter posted a comment on Friday 23rd October 2009 5:19pm
Okay that was crappier then the last two. That was a lazy ending if I ever saw one. Its like you had the steam to work through most of the story then all of a sudden you give up but you want the story finished and the last three chapters is what we got. I would have rather had it abandoned. But hey that's my point of view. Some might like this ending. I don't.
Candyman posted a comment on Friday 23rd October 2009 5:06pm
You got this idea from rosarchs blot, eh?
but that ending was... odd
who is nancy and where is he?
that, and I'm sad its over :(
Crys replied:
Nancy's his secretary. He's the Minister of Magic.
Thanks for reading.
kb0 posted a comment on Friday 23rd October 2009 4:57pm
Hmm, a tough one to review. Overall, I liked the story. I didn't like Daphne dying, but I can live with it. In the previous chapter (9), the way you let Harry and Tracey split, was a bit strange, but understandable. However, this last chapter makes no sense. The closure is not there. Sadly, this was easily fixable by adding 1 more sentence onto the end, something like:
"Thank you, dear," Harry said, shaking his head. "I'll see you at home tonight," he said as he walked back into his office.
Enough time has passed for Harry and Tracey to have worked things out. Or is the emphasized "pleasure" supposed to be showing that? If so, it's too subtle.
Kevin
(aka kb0)
Crys replied:
Harry isn't married to either one. I'm leaving it to the readers' imaginations as to just who (if anyone) he's dating.
Tracey's "pleasure" line was just her teasing. And her recognition that the WW in general thinks that they're dating and is stirring the pot simply for her own amusement.
Thanks for reading.
brad posted a comment on Friday 23rd October 2009 4:50pm
Okay, a short chapter, but epilogues tend to be that way. :-)
Nice punch line; glad to see that Harry made it to Minister.
A bit disappointing that my favourite girl for Harry, Hermione, didn't end up with him, but hey,that was just a crossed-fingers wish on my part. As it is - so, Hermione *did* get together with Neville, hey? Good oh. I think there were signs of a growing relationship between them in the story proper.
It would have been nice if the comedy act at the beginning had continued somewhat like this:
They turned to Harry in unison and said "But you're married to XXXX!"
... with you giving us the identity of XXXX, of course.
(Harry must entertain other female visitors in his office without drawing suspicion of improper conduct, surely? Maybe Hermione and Tracey visit him A LOT?)
The fates of Ron, Snape - yep, no surprises, but good to see their characterisation confirmed. Boo!
The more I think about it the more I like how you handled Tracey in the end. You bundled her up with Harry out of necessity, and had many readers either wanting/expecting them to proceed to falling in love (or at least having sex :() but as it was you defied the tropes and left things exactly as they had been established - Harry's a noble, decent and *good* bloke; Tracey (and Daphne) were attached to him out of necessity, for their *protection*, not love; and Tracey (at least) never professed to hold anything but respect and gratitude to her saviour.
Unlike Daphne whom, I think, we can say *was*, maybe, in love with Harry ... which I like, because it adds more depth to the flagrant promiscuity that she promenaded, and casts her lasciviousness in a somewhat better light.
(Tracey's first daughter will be called Daphne, right?)
Anyway, given that Tracey wasn't super-duper-desperately-in-love with Harry, it makes perfect sense for her to seize the opportunity and attempt to regain her freedom. The fact that she did it with the co-operation of Harry, and didn't use her success to any personal advantage beyond acquiring her freedom makes her one of the good guys too.
I think the chapter with the battle itself didn't work; much as I like the idea of a wizard called 'Brad' (yay!) I think maybe you could have designed that chapter better. Giving it more length, at least, to avoid that 'anticlimactic' feeling. Shifting back to Harry and his crew, even if it would mean your having to write more of the actual clash between Voldemort and his nemesis.
Thank you for the story!
Crys replied:
I wrote the chapter to leave it ambiguous on who each was dating, but yes, Hermione and Neville are drifting together. Overall, I agree that Harry and Hermione would be a good match, but not in this particular story.
The general assumption in the WW is that Harry is dating one or the other (or both) of those girls. That's why Nancy (the secretary) acted as she did and why Harry was mildly amused by it all.
Glad you liked what I did with Ron and Snape. I don't always go out of my way to bash Ron, but it always seems to end up that way. Does that say something about me or him?
Thank you for liking my resolution with Tracey. You're right on her feelings. As well as the probable name of her eldest daughter.
The fight scene was short. That was intentional. It's because the fight itself was short. And I did it from an "outside" PoV because I recognize my inability to write a convincing duel. There are plenty out there, and I didn't want to bog my story down with yet another mediocre attempt.
Thanks for reading and for the nice review.
Soothingmadness posted a comment on Friday 23rd October 2009 4:07pm
I am sad to say your ending feels like a cop out, of what could have continued into a greater story. I loved the first seven chapter but was wholly disappointed with the last three.
Wolfric posted a comment on Friday 23rd October 2009 3:37pm
I wouldn't have minded having a few more nuggets of information to round out the picture. I suppose that may have been intentional. Congratulations on finishing your story, I have enjoyed reading it. I just revisited Scion of Gryphindore and I enjoyed that as well. Thanks for writing. W.
Crys replied:
Thank you. Glad you enjoyed it.
greenansatsu posted a comment on Friday 23rd October 2009 3:14pm
Just take what everyone else said and slap my agree stamp on it. While the ending works its missing out on what made the first chapters so great. This is like a skeleton when compared to the fat goose of a story that we had before. If this is truly the end I at least hope that when inspiration comes again you come back and fix these last few bits.
Darkness posted a comment on Friday 23rd October 2009 10:04pm