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hercules1991 posted a comment on Friday 9th October 2009 3:08pm

Oh Wow! Way too short!!!! I liked the chapter, but I need more.

scribbler posted a comment on Friday 9th October 2009 3:08pm

Short, dramatic chapter. It will be nice to see how you wrap up the story, given this particularly climactic ending. I look forward to it, especially after seeing how much drama you've added to this chapter.

Regards,

Edmond

Wonderbee31 posted a comment on Friday 9th October 2009 2:22pm

Wow, something to see at any rate, and got a lot of things here, like whether Daphne is dead or not, and did Harry's dying break the chattel bond with Tracey's reaction to the hairclip? Harry did make a foolish mistake to taunt Riddle instead of killing him right off, but he's still a teen, and can be forgiven for that imo, and will look forward to what I guess will be an epilouge or another part to come afterwards. Well done with this, as it was exciting, and good to see at least some of the bad guys actually recieve their deserved fate for once, instead of letting them off like some authors have, coughRowlingcough.

SassyFrass posted a comment on Friday 9th October 2009 2:21pm

Great chapter.
One thing "the auror that had accompanied the commandoes"

It should be "the healer that had"

I'm assuming that since Harry never consummated the relationship, and that he died, the concubines are no longer concubines, and they can now be really married.
Looking forward to more!

dennisud posted a comment on Friday 9th October 2009 2:04pm

Seems we have that final battle yet we see things will never be the same!

Let see the epilogue sooner!

dennisud

noylj posted a comment on Friday 9th October 2009 1:19pm

Could be a bit clearer on who is injured.
Why accept surrender?

coronal posted a comment on Friday 9th October 2009 11:38am

awesome update, but shame it was so short.

I liked having Dean use electricity. Don't see it often.

00_Knight posted a comment on Friday 9th October 2009 11:34am

... So it seems as if you've killed off Daphne in a heroic defense of Harry Potter... I honestly don't know how to take it, as an inevitable conclusion or some plot twist that really is really bad.

Honestly up until this point its been a Fantastic story, to me at least, but to have Daphne killed off in this way, at this time is just BS!

I'll be patiently waiting for the next update.

JoFarries posted a comment on Friday 9th October 2009 11:07am

And why isn't the follow up chapter posted already? You can't leave us hanging like this, dag nab it! It's cruel and unusual punishment, and not allowed by the Geneva Convention! Or is it? I'm confused. Wait, no, I'm not. ;-) Post more soon!

Crys replied:

I'm violating the Geneva Conventions?

And my mother told me I'd never amount to anything.  Ha!

Next chapter on Friday.

Thanks for reading.

james hung posted a comment on Friday 9th October 2009 10:50am

Short and to the point. Love the different point of view for this section. Interesting way to remove those stumbling blocks to the budding relationships. I do wonder what Tracey will do but at least Daphne has a chance. Waiting avidly for the next exciting installment.

Artereus posted a comment on Friday 9th October 2009 10:48am

Eh, this chapter didn't really engage me. I think it was the odd-man-out viewpoint.

All in all in seemed a bit rushed. Even anti-climactic if I want to be honest.

However in light of the rest of the story, I still am enjoying it as a whole.

Be interesting to see how everything comes together.

Peace

Prince Charon posted a comment on Friday 9th October 2009 10:22am

Interesting, that.

brad posted a comment on Friday 9th October 2009 10:01am

I was a bit underwhelmed by this chapter, it seemed a bit too short and stilted. I appreciate why you wanted to write the chapter from the perspective of an outsider, Hawke-Thorne, but I think he was too detached; there wasn't too much emotion in this chapter, despite the observed anguish from the witches near the end.

(I think I was also affected by the name of your observing wizard ... at long last, I've finally read a story with a wizard called 'Brad'! Yay!! :-) But it was dashed *weird* to see my/his name there; while not rare 'Brad isn't that super-common either, I think. I wonder how fast people called 'Harry' or 'Ron' adjust when they enter the HP fandom? Not too many girls called 'Hermione' or 'Ginny' I dare say. Anyway, a weird little experience for me.)

Anyway, maybe I would have felt more involved, more concerned, had we been privy first-hand to the distress experienced by one of the primary characters. But I guess one of your reasons for using Brad (yay!) was that you didn't want to dwell on what went on inside the building, the actual showdown with Riddle?

Voldemort's final defeat was an anticlimax, but I guess he was drastically weakened by some sort of poison half-hinted at in the previous chapter? I had to go back and take another look at that earlier instalment ... Dobby was feeding some sort of potion to Voldemort? How is it that Dobby could do this, when none of the good guys knew where Voldemort actually was (until he moved to the Dolohov estate, which was the point at which Harry instructed Dobby to *stop*)?

Harry's falling to Riddle due to the 'any last words' opportunity seemed to be something of a cliche and felt awkward. Silly boy; wasn't he taking all this *seriously*?

You killed Daphne!?!?!?!?!? :-( That seems to be how it looks. But the whole DA is cheering and rejoicing ... okay, their leader/figurehead is alive, but my first reaction on putting down the last page was "STOP, DAPHNE'S DEAD!". Maybe Harry will say/scream something along those lines in the first paragraph of the next chapter.

Maybe he'll blame himself for her death, given as how his own fall to Riddle came about because of his 'any last words' grandstanding. I'm probably pushing a bit too hard on that chain of reasoning though.

Well, I'm interested in how you're going to finish things up - is Daphne dead? Did the chattel link between Harry and Tracey evaporate with his death? Will we ever see Ron again? With whom will Hermione end up (Neville?).

Crys replied:

Sorry you kept tripping on the name of the character.  Hope it didn't disjoint you too badly.

Yeah, the emotional impact was vastly different for Hawke-Thorne than for one of the closer characters (Hermione, for instance).  There are already a lot of good Harry versus Voldy duel scenes out there.  I didn't want to just add to that, so I did it from an "outside" perspective.  Which changed the entire feel of the scene.

You've spotted what happened with Voldy.  I don't think anyone else has done so.  As far as Dobby and where Voldy was . . . well, what distinction does Dobby have?

Yeah, Harry asking for any last words was stupid, but it's also honorable.  Which is why he did it and why Voldy promptly took advantage of it.

Whether Daphne had just died, the rest of the crowd had just survived a battle, watched the death of the worst dark lord in living memory, and then watched their savior more or less brought back from the dead.  I figure they have the right to party just a bit.  After all, even when James and Lily died, how many mourned them versus celebrated the downfall of LV?

All of your remaining questions will be answered in the next couple chapters.

Thanks for reading.

Sarah5 posted a comment on Friday 9th October 2009 8:50am

Cliff hanger, chaotic battle. Hope to read more.

Chiyo posted a comment on Friday 9th October 2009 8:25am

That was kind of disappointing really...

Almost seemed too easy and definitely seemed too short.

Crys replied:

There's a reason for that (well, the too easy part, anyway).  It'll be explained in the next chapter.

James Barber posted a comment on Friday 9th October 2009 8:17am

#1 rule in COMBAT, NEVER, NEVER talk or ask your fallen enemy any questions, Just kill the bastard before by letting your guard down while asking your question, he goes and kills you!

In other words, when you approach a fallen enemy you put another couple of rounds into their body or head to make down sure that they are dead, you sure as hell dont stop and talk to them! ITS KILL OR BE KILLED, as simple as that!

I can see it now he actually died, then how long do you think it would take before the geezergamot and those holier than corrupt mothers didnt claim both bine potters and the potter estate! writing this while rolling my eyes, and harry go ahead and sleep with your freaking wives, you fucking ponce!

Crys replied:

Yeah, noble Harry does something stupid and Voldy gets one last curse off.  At least he didn't go into an evil monologue talking about the inevitability of . . . Sorry, watched "The Incredibles" with my kids too many times.

The situation with the concubines will be resolved in the next chapter.

Thanks for reading.

Ron posted a comment on Friday 9th October 2009 7:51am

I can't wait to see how you're going to finish this one!

Minerva Granger posted a comment on Friday 9th October 2009 6:59am

So, does this mean that Traceyn and Daphne can beome proper wives, instead of concubines? Well, that's best case scenario. Whatever happnes, I'm glad they were able to revive Harry. Good old Dean, remembering a defibrilator like the ambos use. Update ASAP, please.

BJH posted a comment on Friday 9th October 2009 5:27am

and that bit where Tracey grabs the hair clasp that Harry gave her? How does that tie in? It was their chosen mark of bondage right?

Crys replied:

Yep, the hair clasp was their chattel mark.  And it does tie in.

Wolfric posted a comment on Friday 9th October 2009 5:16am

Good chapter. I like the battle. Thanks for writing W.