Content Harry Potter Miscellaneous


Particle_Accelerator posted a comment on Thursday 30th July 2009 2:44pm

Nice start to the story! I just don't like Ron's attitude... here's to hoping that he drives Hermione into Harry's arms as well! :D

Yunaine posted a comment on Wednesday 29th July 2009 11:01pm

Well written and I'm looking forward to a decent multi-pairing without the constant smut scenes.
You probably already know of it, but 'The Poker Game' by 'Enterprise1701-d' is also a very good story among those lines.

Anyway, on to the critical portion :)

The first chapter contains a rather weird flaw which could be abused by your characters if wanted.
Harry challenges Crabbe and Goyle formally... yet Malfoy interrupts before they can respond. He's also the only one doing anything, with Crabbe and Goyle not saying or doing anything. Basically you have two duels being done without the people challenged having done anything at all. They might be idiots, but they still should've agreed at some point.
The abusing portion is pretty easy: Someone could simply challenge Harry and then, before Harry can react, Ron immediately states that he's Harry's champion. Ron loses, game over.
I just thought it pretty weird so I think the acceptance part was overlooked.

The second chapter was fun as well; I'm only a bit... annoyed at Hermione. I've read a few other reviews but my annoyance goes a bit differently. I'm not worried about her passive nature or anything since she already deduced that their was the choice of those girls going to Malfoy, or to Harry...
What I'm more worried about is Hermione spending time with both girls. It might be because of the nature of the contracts that she if trying to find a way to help them, or it might be because of... well, the thing I absolutely loated in 'The Poker Game'. You already stated that the two girls become Harry's chattel, and that he'll still need a wife. I'm sure you're already following where I'm going with this: I absolutely hope that neither Hermione nor Ginny even comes into that part.
Hell, I personally hope he goes for no wife at all since he already has two chattel anyway; I doubt everyone is forced to marry anyway.
It's more of a personal preference, I guess. I won't bother with detailled reasoning since I would probably cloud it with my own choice anyway :P.

Have fun writing further and keep up the good writing.

Crys replied:

Yes, I have read "The Poker Game" and enjoyed it, even if it did get weird toward the end.

Ah, yes, Draco interrupting before the goons  accepted the challenge.   You aren't the first to point this out.   My response is that they didn't object, thereby giving implicit acceptance first to the challenge and then to Draco's championing of them.

Harry won't be forced to marry again later.   As Tracey said, it's just an option for him.

Thanks for reading and for the review.

Jiapa posted a comment on Sunday 26th July 2009 1:59pm

Loads of fun. I'm enjoying getting to know Daphne's and Tracy's personalities, and seeing Harry get all hot and bothered, both in a good way (flirting!?) and a bad way (that poor clerk) is fun too.

I do think he trusted the girls & told them his story awfully fast, but that doesn't disrupt my pleasure in the story, and heck, if it took many many chapters for him to trust them, I'd get bored.

Harriverse posted a comment on Sunday 26th July 2009 12:33pm

You have a very fluid writing style. The story grabs you and makes you want to read. I can't wait to see what Harry does to Lucius....

Crys replied:

Thanks for the compliment.

Lucius's comeuppance will happen, but it won't be for several chapters yet.

Thanks for reading.

n4zhg posted a comment on Saturday 25th July 2009 6:48am

Plans shot to hell?

Can only mean one of two things: Dumbledork or everyone's favorite poison pen/beetle animagus.

Crys replied:

You're only the second reviewer to predict that it isn't a D.E. attack.   Nice to see that not everyone predicts gloom and doom.

If it helps, you're closer than most.

Thanks for reading

txspenguin posted a comment on Friday 24th July 2009 4:09pm

Very interesting. I look forward to reading more!

Anthony May posted a comment on Friday 24th July 2009 11:19am

This is quite an interesting story. A bit on the mature side, but being a 43 year old father of 3 children - all over the age of 18, I think I can handle it. Keep up the great work, I look forward to your next update.

Crys replied:

The subject matter is a bit on the mature side (while avoiding the explicit sex that is all too common in fanfic), but I'm trying to write how these teens handle the situation.

As a 38 year old father of two, it's hard for me not to think about mature subjects, I suppose.

Thanks for reviewing.

DiscountNinja posted a comment on Friday 24th July 2009 9:17am

As an addendum, I have to say I disagree with Bobmins review. I'm a fan of Bobmin, but you must notice how damned Super!Harry Bobmin's fics are - Harry is the solution to every problem and has powers beyonds anyones wildest dreams.

Don't get me wrong, I'm looking forward to the fic ending on a note where the ladies arn't slaves but ... you wanted to write a story about chattel, and you can't do it very well by saying "screw you, wizarding world" - every cliche in the world, lies that way. I'm looking forward to an ending every bit as morally satisfactory but done far more intelligent.

As as side note, even if it doesn't end up 'morally satisfactory', then that's fine. It's just a story, and I do have a terrible hunger in me for stories that toe the line in interesting ways. Dark, horror and a little morbidity can make for an interesting read =P

Bobmin is entitled to said opinion ... but please, by no means alter your plans based on the strength of that. I'm finding this fic to be heading interesting places, and are looking forward to the next installment.

Crys replied:

Bobmin has his style.   There's nothing wrong with that style, and I'm a fan of them (it's a husband/wife team) as well.   That just isn't my writing style.

I do respect them, but I assure you that my story won't change due to one review.

As for the ending of this one: "morally satisfactory"?   I think it ends well.   We'll see what everyone else thinks when we get there.

Thanks for reviewing.

DiscountNinja posted a comment on Friday 24th July 2009 9:10am

Hey Crys, i'm really enjoying this, which is very unusual as I don't tend to enjoy marraige contract fics, so you must be doing a damn fine job of it =D

In actual fact, it was the H/? that really drew me to the fic - a lot of fics these days are pretty obvious who Harry is meant for ( don't get me wrong, I like the simplicity when I have an urge to read cerain types of stories), but the unknown factor here has really got me interested =D

From the sounds of it, it's not going to be Harry/Ginny, which I have a hard time reading and probably not Harry/Hermione (which it my fav, but it's always good to have a change =P), so you've got my fully attension =P

I just want to say thanks as well, for sticking with the Fandom - too many authors are leaving for pastures new and whiel I cna't blame them, it is disheartening. So thank you for your continued writing, it's great to see such an experienced HP author keep going =D

Crys replied:

Glad I drew you in with they mystery and further glad I'm keeping you, despire it being a contract marriage fic.

Glad you're enjoying it.

Faith1 posted a comment on Thursday 23rd July 2009 7:48pm

I do like this idea so far, however I'm definetely not liking Ron. I mean, I know he's clueless, but I'd have thought Ginny would have at least beat some sense into him by now.

Reading Bobmin's review, which I don't totally agree with, I feel I should add what I thought in the first chapter.

Why didn't Harry just say screw it and take the gir's to live the muggle way? Married the muggle way, with real rings... or even just move to America- usually fanfics describe them (American wizards) as much more open.

And by the by, is Voldemort dead yet or not? I wasn't quite sure about that.

Crys replied:

Ron will be dealt with.   Never fear.

As I told Bob, one of the things to take into consideration is Harry's "saving people thing".   As logical as chucking it all and moving to East St. Louis is, his inborn personality won't let it happen.

Voldy is very much alive.   Just on a recruitment drive for the past couple years.

Thanks for reviewing.

rogue7 posted a comment on Thursday 23rd July 2009 2:28pm

Fantastic chapter, with an evil cliffhanger... grrr =D

Prince Charon posted a comment on Thursday 23rd July 2009 11:48am

You're very good at this. Cruel cliffhanger, though.

Thank you for updating.

More soon, please.

yeehaw posted a comment on Thursday 23rd July 2009 5:21am

Brilliant story, I like the way you write the characters, very lifelike and realistic. You have a great storyline and include a great many details which make the story even better.

Depending on how long you plan the story to be and as you wrote that Tracy and Daphne cannot be real wifes, how about considering Luna for the real wife ? Having been treated the way she was at Hogwarts and considering her character in general I doubt she would lok down on Tracy and Daphne.

Thanks for a great read

Crys replied:

Luna could be a good addition to the dynamic, I grant you.

The story probably won't cover enough timeframe to get into that, though.   We'll see.

Glad you're enjoying it.

94caddy posted a comment on Thursday 23rd July 2009 12:36am

Great chapter. I have always liked Daphne, cant wait for the next chapter.

Alex00 posted a comment on Wednesday 22nd July 2009 10:20pm

great stuff

Ron posted a comment on Wednesday 22nd July 2009 9:08pm

2nd post: After seeing Bob's review, I do agree that Harry is going to HAVE to go postal on the wizarding world. He can do this in the press, with a very explicit threat to anyone who harms or denigrates his property, or better yet, using their own rules to totally destroy those who look down on the girls for what they have been forced into.

Ron posted a comment on Wednesday 22nd July 2009 8:59pm

Hmm, like this so far, and wondering how it will affect Hermione's attitudes. After all, if she can accept human slavery, in effect, will she accept Dobby bonding to Harry, for much the same reason as the girls have?

winoniel posted a comment on Tuesday 21st July 2009 2:36pm

Yeay, great chapter--though I could curse you for the cliffie! I really like the way you explain the ramifications of the spell, and the interactions as Harry and the girls get to know each other better.

I do hope that both Ron and Malfoy get a little attitude adjustment (ok, actually I'm hoping for a large, public, embarrassing adjustment....) and that Harry stops being so horrified and steps up to the 'masterful' plate to keep the girls from being treated too awfully by the other students.

Red PittBull posted a comment on Tuesday 21st July 2009 1:54pm

Oh, the woes of a cliffhanger!

Nice addition. Loving the plot.

Red PittBull posted a comment on Tuesday 21st July 2009 1:07pm

Hmm.. I can dig it. I likes.