By Crys
Reviews
Finbar posted a comment on Wednesday 1st March 2006 7:11pm
Else Norway??? Huh?
Ways for Voldie to Die...
(Humour prefered i assume?)
Drop power lines on him
Sucked into the engine of a jet plane.
Spilching due to wards renders him helpless...
Rabid Weasels in the trousers...
Magic is interchangeable, Thus you can do one form of magic with another. Introducing the Patronus Potion..Bottoms Up!
Neville, in his beserk rampage, while killing Bellatrix, accidently cuts Voldie in half with hagrid's huge axe.
Crys replied:
Else-Norway is an anagram for Ron Weasley.
Two bunnies used. Thanks, Finbar.
Regress posted a comment on Wednesday 1st March 2006 12:36pm
Well there's always the Harry's animagus form is something like a nundu or dragon, but that's not very funny...
I always figured Harry could just go out and buy a baby (or just smaller) deadly poisonous snake. One of the REALLY deadly ones, like a Coral snake, a Gaboon Viper, a Black Mamba, or an Australian Inland Taipan. Of course you could go with a magical one like a Basilisk or a Runespoor. Something that kills quickly and nastily, neurotoxic and paralytic idealy. Black Mambas are good for that, their venom is neurotoxic, causes paralysis, and 100% deadly without anti-venom. He could just tell it to go hide in Voldemort's toilet and bite him in the crotch when he's on the crapper and let him die of poisoning. It could probably get in by meeting up with Nagini and telling Nagini that it wants to serve the dark lord or something if it couldn't get by the wards. Hell it could eat Wormtail on the way out. Better, yet, he could get a couple and send them together. Each would be nasty alone but getting 4 different simultaneous deadly snakes bites on the crotch and buttocks just as Volde's about to drop a log would be a really nasty way to go. It would be pretty hard to counteract too as their symptoms would overlap leaving them with no real way of telling what he'd been bitten by and how to cure him, beyond a very strong general poison cure all.
Hehe, I may (may because for all I know someone's already suggested it) be creative, but I'm no writer unfortunately, or I'd give actually writing the ficlet a shot.
Great idea for a story, some of them are really funny. The Nightbus is one of my favourites. I always wondered how the charms on that thing work, I mean just lifting your wand a certain way would summon it, how do people no have it crashing into their homes and businesses just from people doing it accidentally?
hedwig_edwiges posted a comment on Wednesday 1st March 2006 12:34pm
well, it is evil funny. There is a classic from the original ST series: Voldemort can die burried and alergic to pygmi puffs. Or run down for the fan girls trying to reach Harry. Anyway, stupid ideas...
Crys replied:
Voldemort meets puffskein added to the file. Thanks for the idea.
Evan Mayerle posted a comment on Wednesday 1st March 2006 12:07pm
*Snort* Definitely not to be read at work during working hours as your co-workers look at you rather strangely. Great laughs, too.
Heh, it's the final confrontation and as Harry and Voldemort face off, Harry hands him a handgun (writer's choice of which) and asks his opinion. Not being familiar with muggle items, Voldemort looks down the barrel and pulls the trigger.
Zarz posted a comment on Wednesday 1st March 2006 11:43am
I love it! And thinking about it for a while, I have a number of other ways for Lord Voldemort to die. Perhaps you can split this into multiple chapters, which each chapter having 10-20 ways for him to die, and keep going until you get to 1001 or people stop sending in suggestions. Anyway, mine are as follows. Please feel free to use them or not as you please, and expand on them as much as neccessary. First, Voldemort could be killed when some contractors decide to tear down the Riddle House, using dinamite. Or firefighters could set the house on fire to practice putting it out, but because they're new, they don't do very well. Or, a little more esoteric, Voldemort could try to drain all the surrounding area of magic to cast a spell to destroy Harry. Sadly, that means his body, which is only held together by magic, is also destroyed. Or bank robbers could try to hide from the police in the Riddle House (Voldemort having forgotten to renew the Muggle Notice-me-not charms). Voldemort and co. torture and/or kill them, of course, so when the police arrive they assume the Death Eaters and Voldemort are the robbers and shoot them resisting arrest. Or someone could come to their senses and simply sneak up and behead Voldemort. Or he could be standing by the edge of a cliff during a battle and someone could push him off. There are, frankly, a whole lot of ways for Voldemort to die. Thank you so much for some well-needed laughs. My sister and I both hope to see a lot more of your humor ficlets. Best of luck, and please, keep writing!
James16 posted a comment on Wednesday 1st March 2006 11:34am
My god, You really need to find something else to do. That was f**king hilarious
Musings of Apathy posted a comment on Wednesday 1st March 2006 11:33am
Excellent. I loved them all, especially:
"What happened?" Remus eventually asked after peering at the confusing scene for a full two minutes.
Harry looked up, grinning in a way that even the former Marauder found disturbing. "He's going to spend the rest of his life believing he's a six year old muggle girl."
"Could someone please braid my hair?" Lord Voldemort asked in an innocent, high pitched voice.
Incredible.
Mike.
Crys replied:
My muse was watching X-Men . . .
M posted a comment on Wednesday 1st March 2006 11:09am
Hmm...23 down 978 to go...that could take a while.
QOShea posted a comment on Wednesday 1st March 2006 10:59am
Funnily enough, I have the SAME vice! Damn those twisty passages that all look alike!
Lynks posted a comment on Wednesday 1st March 2006 10:50am
In the words of another fic I read 'No more purple
dinosaur, I'll be good, No more purple dinosaur'.
LOL!
Fantastic, keep up the good work.
David Thacker posted a comment on Wednesday 1st March 2006 10:47am
That was even better than what I came up with.
Crys replied:
Glad you liked the result of your bunny.
Kyle Bissett posted a comment on Wednesday 1st March 2006 10:26am
Idea 1:
Voldemort was holding a meeting with his inner circle at his manor, when one of the lesser Death Eaters ran in.
"My Lord! Harry Potter has appeared! He is half a mile away from the manor, chanting an unusual spell. Something about darkness beyond twilight..."
Before the servant could finish the message, Harry's voice boomed out over the countryside.
"DRAGON SLAVE!"
Riddle Manor, Voldemort, and all Death Eaters present abruptly vanished as a concentrated beam of total whoopass obliterated not only the manor, but the hill it was on, and half the village as well. That evening on muggle radio, reporters wondered about the sudden nuclear event that happened in the small village of Little Hangleton.
(Note: this is why a Slayers/Harry Potter crossover would likely be very short)
Idea2:The Death Eater army approached Hogwarts. The giants strode up the hill first, so as to be able to breach the walls.
But as the giants neared the top of the hill, a contingency plan set up by the Weasley twins came into effect. The giants brought there heavy feet down and encountered WWW Zero Friction Floor Wax, which had been dumped on the hillside in generous amounts. The giants slipped, fell backwards, and flattened the entire army they had come to support.
Idea 3:
Voldemort had trapped his enemy at last. Stuck in the corner of the small room, with an anti-apparation field in place to prevent retreat, the Boy-Who-Lived would soon die. In keeping with regulations of the Dark Wizard's Union, Local 17, he paused to gloat.
"Any last words, Potter?"
Harry smiled. "This building will self-destruct in five seconds." He then vanished from a concealed portkey.
Five seconds later, the blasting charges that Harry had placed throughout his hideout long before went off.
freakyfinger posted a comment on Wednesday 1st March 2006 10:25am
Oh man, that was HILARIOUS. I had to stop a couple of times to calm myself. I love the orgy one . . . . that would interesting . . .
Bobmin356 posted a comment on Wednesday 1st March 2006 10:19am
Heh, I have plenty of ways to kill Voldie... but share them? NEVER! MUWHAHAHAHAHA!
Crys replied:
If you're unwilling to share them, then you can write a story for each method. Deal? :)
PhiloWorm posted a comment on Wednesday 1st March 2006 9:36am
Wery good I must say, wery good indeed. Hovewer because of the Veela Draco sceene I'm forced to shoot it down because that on nearly made me chocke on my own vomit. Not only is the wery existence of male veela doubtful (I can live with that) The possibility of Draco beeing one is abyssmal (again I could live with it) but the mere suggestion of 1. Draco having something even reasembeling sex-apeal and 2. he and Harry... "shudders" your bloody mental you know that? Of to St. Mungos with ya, there ya can hold Lockheart with company.
The Rest of the bunnies and stuff were hillarious though.
Crys replied:
I never said I WANTED that one to happen! I'd have to be mental to want it ;)
It was a parody of all the Veela!Draco stories out there.
Marc Bousquet posted a comment on Wednesday 1st March 2006 9:33am
Great ideas for the many demises of Voldy. I especially like him getting run over by the knight bus and the best was the scene with Luna, thought the orgy request to Padma was also pretty funny.
Andrei posted a comment on Wednesday 1st March 2006 9:21am
Hahah, these are great. What does else-norway stand for then?
Crys replied:
Anagram of "Ron Weasley"
M. R. Moore posted a comment on Wednesday 1st March 2006 9:01am
well i really didn't find them all to be very funny but most fo them were good. I really like the barney one. I'm surprised i remember most of that song, the fact that i end up sing the last half of 'Nick nack paddy wack' doesn't mean anything at all.
Brad Crawford posted a comment on Wednesday 1st March 2006 8:16am
theirs always the three legged fairy chicken of doom! but well i wouldnt want to share that horror!
Alexander1 posted a comment on Wednesday 1st March 2006 7:59pm
Crys replied: