By Crys
Reviews
ShadeHawk posted a comment on Monday 10th April 2006 2:04pm
YABI (Yet Another Bunny Idea): Hastur, "Him Who Is Not to be Named" (one of the Great Old Ones of Lovecraftian Cthulu Mythos), takes exception to Voldemort using similar nickname, 'He Who Must Not Be Named.'
Zarz posted a comment on Wednesday 5th April 2006 12:01pm
I love it! I also had some more ideas, based on Viridian's Nightmares of Futures Past, in which Neville suggests using mandrakes to kill garden pests. Why doesn't someone just put on a pair of earmuffs and apparate right next to Voldemort while carrying a mandrake? Or, if there are anti-apparation wards, then Snape could just come rushing in Voldemort's presence with a "time-sensitive potion" or some such, wearing a disillusioned pair of earmuffs and holding a disillusioned and silenced mandrake, then, when he's in the middle of Voldemort and all the death eaters, finite incantum the mandrake, and no more death eaters!
Crys replied:
Thanks. Bunny added to the story.
Highschool Nerd posted a comment on Saturday 1st April 2006 4:11pm
So funny! I had tears running down my face!
ShadeHawk posted a comment on Sunday 26th March 2006 2:41am
The *meow* comment was about Sluggy Freelance story: http://www.sluggy.com/daily.php?date=000626
And about possible deaths of Voldemort: to quote Kinsfire's Paradigm Shift, Chapter 14:He found himself suddenly before Draco Malfoy, whose wand was aimed directly at his head. His own staff was not in a position to fire a spell that would do any good. "Well, Potty, when it comes to the end, it looks as if you’ve made things much easier. Voldemort was just a little crazy. Now, drop the stick, and stand and face me like the stupid Gryffindor you are."
The staff struck the ground with a sound loud enough that it actually stopped the fighting nearby. "Now, Potter, you die. I have to thank you for killing off the crazy, but now someone better will step into his shoes." He smirked. "Like, oh, me for example. Avada Keda…."
Draco never finished the spell as the back of his skull exploded outward. Harry stood before him with the pistol aimed where the falling body’s head used to be. "That’s the problem with that spell. Takes too long to cast, arsehole." He looked and discovered that Narcissa Malfoy had been right behind her son, and was now wearing his blood and brains on her skin and robes.
My favourites are: Knight Bus, missed Bellatrix anniversary, maze of twisty little passages all alike, could someone please braid my hair, Voldemort boggart, Voldemord crushed under killed Vernon, Legillimens on Luna, power of love: orgy with you and fifteen girls, allergy to puffskein, too small cauldron, football game riot, Accio my blood!, Voldemort as cockroach Animagus.
--
ShadeHawk
Crys replied:
I rather liked Kinsfire's answer to the problem, too. But that was his and not mine,so I can't copy it over.
Mouse posted a comment on Tuesday 21st March 2006 12:55pm
This is quite amusing.
Killer07 posted a comment on Thursday 16th March 2006 10:19pm
LOL this is really good.
Maybe Voldy could have a run in with the Ghostbusters :-)
Crys replied:
This one grew on me :)
Thanks. Bunny added to the story.
jb238 posted a comment on Friday 10th March 2006 11:25pm
I was recently thinking about a general ending for all the unfinished HPFF stories out there. Something that fulfills the prophecy ("have to die at the hand of the other"), is short, surprising, funny and fits many possible stories. Looks like you have collected a good few <g>
brad posted a comment on Friday 10th March 2006 2:06pm
Ah, the "maze of twisty passages, all alike" ... NOSTALGIA POWERS, ACTIVATE! Plugh! XYZZY!
ThadiusZho posted a comment on Wednesday 8th March 2006 9:52pm
Great Deaths all around...
Here's another one:
While fighting, Moldie goes to AK Harry, but Harry pushes his arm upwards, and the AK is shot vertically.
Harry says something like "What goes up must come down" and the AK drops on Moldie...
Zho
Crys replied:
Bunny added to file. Thanks.
Ken Warner posted a comment on Tuesday 7th March 2006 10:20am
very nice list of gruesome ways to end it all - and useful if one would like to avoid the most common cliches also.
thanks for the entertainment
ShadeHawk posted a comment on Tuesday 7th March 2006 6:55am
1002 Deaths of Lord Voldemort
Courtesy of Sluggy Freelance
*meow*
Sim posted a comment on Tuesday 7th March 2006 2:26am
Noice. Everytime I check back here, they get funnier and funnier.
My Suggestions:
- Voldie gets an instant death sentance from the Fashion Police.
- Death By Chocolate!!!
- His addiction to Pop-Rocks takes a nasty turn when he drains a petrified Harry's butterbeer in The Three Broomsticks while in gloat mode.
- Before making his grand entrance into Weasly Outdoor Party (TM) completly undetected, he grabs a canary creme from the nibblies table on the way past, pops it into his mouth, turns a couner and runs into a very hungry Hippogrif.
Ack, more later... My brain hurts.
Crys replied:
A variation of your fourth bunny added to file. Thanks.
RainingFlowers posted a comment on Monday 6th March 2006 4:16am
How about something to do with Voldemort trying to ambush Harry on the train, but getting the apparition just a little bit wrong, so the last thing he hears is the Hogwarts Express whistling?
Crys replied:
Bunny added to file. Thanks.
hildegunn posted a comment on Sunday 5th March 2006 9:29pm
hmmm... that "else-Norway" why do you youse that as an anagram for Ron weasley?.... (I'm from Norway you see)
Crys replied:
Nothing against Norway. It was just the first anagram (jumble the letters and make new words) I came up with. Granted, I only spent about two minutes on it . . .
One of the Anonymous Reviewers gave a whole list of anagrams. Several of 'em were pretty good.
Michael Foerster posted a comment on Sunday 5th March 2006 6:50am
Worth every word.
An other bunny: (something similar seen in a fic I don't remember the title or author, no plagiarism intented)
Bound to the tombstone, he was forced to follow the resurection ritual (bone - flesh - blood). But something was definitly off -- Bone of the Father -- why in the world would give that Voldemord Breasts?? The shriek Voldemord gave made it clear: "Peter ! I told you bone off Father, not the Mother!!"
Harry only one thought: He could 'accio' his broom without his wand...would this work on 'his' blood also? With all his might he concentraded and cried out: "ACCIO MY BLOOD!" -- And YES with the MOTHER's bone it worked.
As an blood-soaked Harry ported back with Cedric's body, there where some questions that even with the use of Dumbledores pensive could NOT be cleared. Namely: Was Peter realy this dumb? -- or was his life-dept as an excuse working?
Crys replied:
Variation of your bunny added to the file.
Asad posted a comment on Sunday 5th March 2006 5:44am
Voldemort could be a nanny in a day care center. He would commit suicide with all the children wailing at the top of their lungs.
Ishtar posted a comment on Sunday 5th March 2006 4:33am
Very nicely done! Very funny!
Here are a couple of homeless bunnies:
Given the number of stories I've read where there is a line of dialogue equivalent to: "What am I supposed to do? Go shag him to death?" I would think that option would be obvious. But probably too squicky even for you to write.
Here's another one: Voldemort has done something stupid like turn Harry into a Vampire, thinking he will be easily controlled (he don't know our boy very well, do he?). Harry, however, responds thus: "You took my blood. I want it back!" *sluuuurp!*
Crys replied:
Variation of your bunny added to the file.
FairyQilan posted a comment on Saturday 4th March 2006 8:58pm
"YOU -" Kick.
"- PROMISED -" Kick.
"- ME -" Kick.
"- A -" Kick.
"- DAY -" Kick.
"- TOGETHER -" Kick.
"- FOR -" Kick.
"- OUR -" Kick.
"- ANNIVERSARY!"
Too funny
The resulting riot took three hours to break up. Voldemort's broken wand and mangled body was found the next morning, stuffed into a stadium trash receptacle
lOVE TJIS ONE TOO.
Tommy posted a comment on Friday 3rd March 2006 10:33pm
Hey! Another idea just innocently sprang up, and got bigger than I thought... just thought I might share it with you! :P This is probably not the place to send it, but seein as I don't know your email (more like didn't bother to search for it), this'll have to do. Enjoy! :P
Voldemort did NOT have a good day. His heavily planned mission had started this dull monday morning by apparating with a dozen of his death-eaters into one of the tallest buildings he could find in America; also one of the most well-known. He figured that if he was to spread terror through other countries, then it had to be done by ruining something those blasted muggles loved so much.
And here he was, trying to walk through the lobby, his red contact-lenses on and his most pale-coloured makeup adorned, trying to scare people. He sputtered at the memory alone; they had DARED to LAUGH at HIM! HIM, LORD VOLDEMORT. And he had told them so, and their laughing hysterics had for a moment sent the all-feared Dark Lord down the thought-path of whether or not they would laugh themselves to death. Then if that wasn’t enough, one of his death-eaters had started to fire killing-curses all over (Crabbe, the dull idiot, of course); not only did he miss EVERY time, but the squeaking of the one of the baggage-lorries had sent the death-eater into a panic of being ambushed from behind; while he had always liked to imagine cruel ways to kill people, even he had winced as the blowed-up baggage-lorry was laying several metres away, and the silverware in one of the closest suitcases imbedded in Crabbe’s unintelligent pathetic mind. You simply did not throw a killing curse at point-blank range, especially not with the explosive effect it sometimes had on non-living entities.
Goyle of course, practically sharing a brain with his mind-less friend, had gone into shock at seeing his companion dead, and attacked the closest muggle he could find… or what he thought to be a muggle, anyway. Avery had complained about being sweaty all the way until they got here, and had now undressed from the black death-eater winter coat; how in the world the fool managed to take the wrong coat he didn’t know, and now never would. Goyle, seeing someone not in death-eater suit, had attacked, tripped, rolled, stumbled to his legs and crashed into Avery, sending the two of them through the closest glass-window and into a fountain placed below. Avery had no chance of survival as he drowned with the big clown on top of him, and Goyle’s cries of ‘can’t swim’ in a 40 centimetre high water-fountain left him in panic, before he hit his head on the stone-figure in the middle, effectively falling unconscious with his face under water. He drowned too.
All in the space of a minute.
Lucius, getting really angry, had then promised revenge for his two mindless drones, and had pulled all of his power (as much as he managed, anyway) into the deadly green curse, and sent it towards one of the muggles… standing 50 METRES away!!!! Of course the bloody muggle managed to duck! — Knowing his luck, Voldemort had closes his eyes, hoping for the best… as one of the structures holding the roof up exploded at the impact with the killing curse. The second floor soon collapsed onto them.
Voldemort and Bellatrix, having second thoughts about dying, had run for the closest thing to an exit they could find. Blowing the door up, he had shoved Bellatrix through first with a "lady’s first" comment; just to show his loyalty to his death-eaters of course.
… it took five seconds before the ‘donk’ had reached Voldy’s ears, as he gazed into the abyss of the elevator shaft (and it ‘gazed back at him’ ;), before turning and running up the stairs beside the now-ruined steel door.
He had survived!
Taking the elevator from the third floor and up he figured he needed some time to think, and plan on how to recruit some more intelligent fellows for his little club… When he stepped out of the elevator close to the top, he barely acknowledged the big bird he could see in the distance (‘there are probably a lot of bird species I’ve never seen’). Voldy sighed, before grabbing a bottle of liquor from the closest desk, downing it quickly.
… The date was the 11th of September.
Voldemort was never seen again.
Tommy L.
aka
Fanfix
Charmed : ) posted a comment on Friday 28th April 2006 6:46am