Anne B. Walsh posted a comment on Tuesday 10th July 2007 11:17am

"You're having me on," said Ron. "You didn't kill him?"
"Didn't need to." Harry sipped his drink. "After the Horcruxes were gone, he was as mortal as the next man, and nothing mortal survives getting hit by an articulated lorry."
"But you weren't on a highway, were you?" Hermione asked.
Harry shook his head. "Not even near a road. I'd have thought I hallucinated it all, except for the evidence of one very flat Dark Lord."
"Hallucinated it all?" Ron asked.
"Well, the end of it I know I hallucinated. The bit about the lorry turning into a giant-sized robot..."

---

Saw Transformers over the weekend, can you tell?

These make me giggle every time!

Crys replied:

Thanks.    Scene added to file.

Vincent posted a comment on Friday 6th July 2007 3:40am

Funny as hell.
Even got a way for old voldie to die.
Voldie and his deathmunchers do a ritual to send them to the future. The ritual succeeds a bit to
well and they end up in a time where our sun just goes Supernova.

Killer07 posted a comment on Tuesday 3rd July 2007 9:07am

At the same time as Voldy and co are out to terrorize some muggle the aliens pick London for a Terror attack. The Special troops from X-COM arrive and clean up London. Unfortunately for Voldy his appearance gets misinterprented for an alien...

Greetings

Killer07 (Hmm the good old x-com collected to much dust time to play again)

David Thacker posted a comment on Sunday 1st July 2007 3:17pm

What if Tom Riddle Sr. was not the father or Voldemort but what if his mothers brother was.

Tildessmoo posted a comment on Saturday 30th June 2007 6:13pm

As always, a delight. And, as before, I have some things you may not like and some you may. The first is a crossover with "Girl Genius" by Phil and Kaja Foglio, the second a cross with the Chrestomanci Quartet (or is it a quintet now?) by Diana Wynne Jones, and the third is not a crossover at all. No British comedy troupes were harmed in the making of these deaths (unlike my earlier ones).

_______
_______

Tom Riddle grinned in anticipation as he approached the castle. It was said to hold wonders untold, items both magical and mechanical. The locals claimed that no one who went in came out again, and that it was awaiting the return of its master, a descendant of some local heroes, but Tom knew better. It didn't matter who the castle had been built for; all that mattered was the power to use it, and power he had in spades. Even if the castle had nothing worth taking, he had still secured enough allies from this trip to Transylvania to begin his reign as Lord Voldemort, which he had been planning since his teens. He grinned as he ignored the seneschal of Mechanicsburg, who continued to insist that he stop, that no good would come of his entering the castle. Of course no good would come of it! He was planning on using the artifacts he found there for evil, after all!

Tom went right on grinning as he entered Heterodyne Castle. He didn't notice the door closing behind him of its own volition.

_______
_______

Voldemort strolled into his study, relatively refreshed after a short round of torturing prisoners, and ready to tackle some of the paperwork that even Dark Lords cannot avoid, and which this particular Dark Lord knew better than to leave to incompetent subordinates. He paused, however, upon noticing an old man sitting behind his own desk. "Who are you?" he asked, "and what are you doing sitting in my chair?"

"In reverse order," the man replied calmly, as if he addressed Dark Lords from their own chairs on a daily basis, "you've just answered your own question, and you may call me Cat.

"Now, then, Mister Riddle, what we have here is something of an... anomaly. You see, it is my job, in part, to keep track of those who have multiple lives. Generally, this number is nine, a number achieved due to a person only existing in one world when he or she should exist in nine. I became interested in yourself when I noticed that you had increased the number of lives you possessed through design rather than accident, but even then I tried to let it slide. You only had seven lives, and I try to avoid interfering in other worlds if I can. However, when you sacrificed one life to come back, and replaced both that and one which had been destroyed during your time between bodies... Well, Mister Riddle, that brought you up to nine. Normally, I would make you my apprentice, but, as I have just found one who came by his nine lives naturally, and as you are rather, well, evil..." Cat paused to reach under the desk, producing a large sack, which he proceeded to upend on the blotter. Voldemort was stunned to see every one of his remaining five horcruxes, each one obviously destroyed.

"Well, Mister Riddle, I'm afraid that just won't do."

_______
_______

Just because it hasn't been done yet (and in retrospect, why the heck not?):

Harry Potter faced off against Voldemort. This was it, the final duel. No holds barred. Neither can live while the other survives... Well, only one would survive the day, so one of them had to stop living. And, really, there was only one spell truly suited to the purpose.

"Avada kedavra!"

Crys replied:

Thanks.   Bunny (the third idea) added to file.

Killer07 posted a comment on Friday 29th June 2007 4:40am

Harry finds an imprisoned Tok'ra symbiote in some old ruins together with a Goa'uld handheld device and portable shield. In the final battle it proved that the Goa'uld shield can stop a AK but the deathmuncher's and voldy can't stop the hand device attacks :-)

Greetings

Killer07

Joe Fenton posted a comment on Tuesday 26th June 2007 2:02pm

Ah, yes. The first time I saw #156, I told myself - THAT is how I want to go. :)

dontbe_vain posted a comment on Tuesday 19th June 2007 4:26pm

Wondered if I could add to the #64

F) Harry, having gone to visit his parents grave, passed a tombstone with the name Harry Potur inscribed. Having not specified which Harry Potter, the sound of the Portkey was muffled by the dirt under the deeply buried coffin.

G) Harry stood by the railing along with a dozen other people in matching yellow rain jackets. The sound of the arriving Portkey was drowned out by the rushing waters of Niagra Falls.

____

Voldemort, tired and stressed from Potter hunting, was currently in the shallow end of the pool playing with a rubber ducky when Goyle Senior reached over and grabbed the ducky from his hands. Enraged and without his wand, he chased Goyle around the pool, ignoring the obnoxious whistles coming from the lifeguard station.

"No running on the deck!" The young lifeguard shouted. He watched helplessly as the skinny pale man slipped, cracking his skull on the wet tiles. Voldemort groaned and he rolled over, face first into the edge of the pool. Feeling uncompassionate towards the man who had stolen toys from the other children watched as his flailing arms slowed to a stop. "I told him not to run."

_____

Voldemort cackled evilly as his plan to destroy Harry Potter was underway. Potter was being detained in an undisclosed location in North America, where he was currently flying towards. Deliriously happy at his good fortune he didn't see an American Airlines jet flying dangerously close behind him. His cloak was sucked into the turbo jet engine along with the rest of his body.

Down below, a short woman in black rimmed glasses smirked as the large middle aged man sitting across from her stared up in shock.

"See what I mean? No capes!" Edna exlaimed.

____
Voldemort's strength had been greatly diminished after his escape from Quirell's body. Somehow his spirit had wandered out into Trenton, New Jersey where it settled into the nearest muggle body it could find. Unfortunately he settled into the 80 something year old body of Mama Macaroni, who was sitting in a hijacked car with her hand turning the key in the ignition. The last thing he heard through those nearly deaf ears was the sound of an explosion.

In the background a very pissed of Stephanie Plum, Bounty Hunter and record breaking car destroyer, was jumping up and down screaming, "Why me? Why does this always happen to me? It was a new car!" The 200 pound, yellow spandex wearing, black woman/ex ho named Lula commented shakily next to her. "Old broad deserved it. She stole my best red knit sweater!"
____
Well, I thought of more than one but I wanted to share them with you. =) The last one is from a favourite serious of novels I'm reading by Janet Evanovich. Her Stephanie Plum novels are brilliant!

Crys replied:

64.H and 64.I added.

Bunnies 187 and 188 added.

Haven't read the Stephanie Plum novels, I'm afraid.

dontbe_vain posted a comment on Tuesday 19th June 2007 3:25pm

These are brilliant and funny. I hope to see more in the future. I even thought of a few while I read yours. It would be fantastic if one of these happened in the next book. =)

Killer07 posted a comment on Sunday 17th June 2007 7:12am

Voldy finds an old magical artifact of Slytherin. A sentient sword that can cut through anything. As he tries to attack Harry and Hermione the weapon suddenly switches sides. What few people knew is that the gaunts only descendet of a cousin of salazar slytherin and his children where squibs. Now the Slytherin line reemerged in Hermione and because of this the artifacts chose the mainline over a Moldyshorts to follow.

Greetings

Killer07 (Just think of it what the purebloods must think of this. The real heir of their idol a "muggleborn" *EG*)

Crys replied:

Thanks.   Bunny added to file.   Your 66th

chlorinehamster posted a comment on Saturday 16th June 2007 4:27am

Perhaps something involving Lockhart, if that hasn't already been done? I don't remember exactly...

Gullwhacker2 posted a comment on Tuesday 12th June 2007 2:57am

And another thought or two. I again blame Python.

First: Instead of duelling Voldemort, Harry engages him in a philosophical debate, leading him to an erroneous conclusion. In short, trick Voldemort into logically proving that he doesn't exist. (I'll try to come up with a suitable argument for this purpose later.)

Second is a bit more straightforward. Voldie heads for a legendary artifact/place/something, reputed to be the source of magical power. The guardian lets him in, telling him that by doing X (drinking from the fountain, eating the divine honey, standing in the middle of the circle) he can attain more power. Furthermore, he can do so as much as he sees fit.

Voldemort goes and absorbs so much power that he spontaneously combusts. Oops, got a bit too greedy.


And as an extra bonus: Thanks to Snape, Voldie has a potion which lets him temporarily take a ghostly form, placing him apart from the material world for one minute. He makes use of this to sneak in and out of Gringotts, and to sneak into Hogwarts...pity that taking the potion too much in a small timeframe renders the effect permanent...

...and one last Monty Python reference comes to mind, this time from The Meaning Of Life. Death Eater celebration, they're happily dining on salmon mousse. A shame that someone went and used canned salmon...

Crys replied:

Thanks.   One bunny (drinking from fountain) and one modified bunny (food poisoning) added to file.

Gullwhacker2 posted a comment on Tuesday 12th June 2007 2:46am

Sudden thought - forgive me if it turns out to have been used already...

Peter Pettigrew gets the baby-Voldemort built, but it doesn't seem to work out right. Heads off to the witch-doctor/necromancer/whoever who gave him the instructions, to register his complaint.

And the whole thing turns into Monty Python's Dead Parrot sketch. "'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!"

Suitably modified for a Dark Lord, of course.

Crys replied:

The "Dead Parrot Sketch" was already suggested to me, already "translated".   See reviews by Tildessmoo for this chapter.

Unfortunately, I don't watch enough Python to have ever seen that sketch.

Killer07 posted a comment on Tuesday 5th June 2007 8:34am

Voldy created one Hocrux without knowing it. Harry's scar. Harry destroyed all other Hocruxes of Moldyshorts and in the final battle tried to avoid a AK. The Curse hit the scar and targeted the first soul in its path. Voldys and because of the Link it traveled to Voldy's main soul after destroying the little piece without harming Harry.

Greetings

Killer07

gummihu posted a comment on Sunday 3rd June 2007 3:02am

I have one.

Molly sends Voldie a howler for something and it blows up his inner ear so he loses his balance and cracks his head on the floor.

Killer07 posted a comment on Thursday 31st May 2007 5:01am

The final battle is planned in an abandoned muggle military base. Unfortunately for Moldyshorts his arival point is designated from the muggles as target one for the first test shoot of the newly developed orbital ion cannon a few seconds after the arival of the dark forces :-)

Greetings

Killer07 (I call this bad timing *EG*)

David Thacker posted a comment on Wednesday 23rd May 2007 7:05pm

Here is an idea harry and a AK-47.Get it AK?HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

hahaheeheehaha posted a comment on Tuesday 22nd May 2007 7:13am

lol i loved them all especially the "Else-Norway" one, and the rakes :P gotta love bunnies!!

Pwn Master Paladin posted a comment on Tuesday 15th May 2007 3:48pm

Out of curiosity, have you ever considered a Ghost Rider bunny? Afteral, Voldemort may only have one seventh of a soul in his body, but it is still a soul, and the Penace Stare is pretty cool.

Peace and Out,

Pwn Master Paladin

Crys replied:

I don't even recognize the reference, I'm afraid.

Evan Mayerle posted a comment on Tuesday 15th May 2007 1:17pm

*snicker* These are running quite delightful and twisted. I wonder what would happen if Voldemort as he presently is slipped through time and came up against a young and angry Tom Riddle? If he couldn't do some fast talking, he might well get killed - or erase himself.

Another thought would be the reaction of Hogwarts herself to the chamber being opened? What if she had just "done unto him" then?

Crys replied:

Thanks.   Both bunnies added to the file.