By Crys
Reviews
Gullwhacker2 posted a comment on Monday 3rd December 2007 4:22am
Tom Riddle sat down at a desk in the library, taking out his Advanced Arithmancy course. Sure, it was a difficult subject, and most of the students had already given up, but he was better. Half-blood or no, orphan or no, he'd show them - he'd tackle the worst the professor could throw at him, without any help whatsoever! His resolve set, Tom set out to finish the assignment.
Two hours later, the professor took a second look at the assignment he'd handed out. "Oh dear, I seem to have reversed those runes...I think this is unsolvable now. Ah, well, I'm sure the students will ask for help." Leaning back in his chair, he didn't even see a frazzled Tom Riddle throwing himself from the Astronomy Tower in frustration.
- Gullwhacker (who has been at this math assignment too long!)
Crys replied:
Thanks. Bunny added to the file. Your 26th
Killer07 posted a comment on Saturday 1st December 2007 11:58pm
Voldemort and his followers are searching an old dark artifact that is rumored to boost the powers of a dark lord. Unfortunately for him the best muggle archelogist of her time is also searching for the artifact. He soon finds out that Lara Croft is no easy opponent and that she is very good in different fighting styles and has a very good aim with her guns.
Greetings
Killer07 (currently watching his Tomb Raider 2 DVD)
Evan Mayerle posted a comment on Wednesday 28th November 2007 5:49pm
*chuckle* I love the newest "deaths", #276 strikes me as a particularly cruel one. *wicked chuckle* As an addition, have the Slytherin Girls choir sing "You Light Up My Life" to him that way (yes, there's a bad experience behind that suggestion). In #268, if there was anything left of him after their tests were complete, I can see the remains being shoved into a crate and stacked in the storehouse seen at the end of "Raiders of the Lost Ark". For #266, I'm nasty enough to have made it an inverted cross (somehow, certain uses of that symbol make it appropriate for Tom).
twistedmic posted a comment on Tuesday 20th November 2007 10:14am
here's another bunny.
"Welcome to the 'Family', mister Riddle. I think this is the beginning of a very lucrative partnership." Antonio Salvatore said as he extended his hand towards his newest business associate.
"Thank you, mister Salvatore." Voldemort, posing as Thomas Marcus Riddle, replied as he shook the proffered hand. " I look forward to many years of profitable business."
Voldemort, in order to earn a great deal more money for his upcoming attempt at taking over Magical Britain to muggle New York city to enter the drug and sex trade.
"Let's have a drink to celebrate this occasion." Salvatore said as he crossed over to the bar.
Just as Salvatore reached the bar, the double doors to his office flew inward and three of Salvatore's bodyguards, covered in splatters of blood. "Boss! He's here! Coming up here right now!"
"Oh, fuck!" Salvatore moaned then dashed towards his desk and dove behind it.
Seconds later the doors swung open again and a tall, grizzled looking muggle stepped in.
The man nearest Voldemort whimpered in fear as he soiled himself.
'Why are they so afraid of this man?' Voldemort thought. 'Sure he's bigger than Dolohov and uglier than Mad-eye Moody, but what he's wearing is ridiculous. I mean, really, who would think a big white skull drawn on a black shirt was intimidating?"
Eric Oppen posted a comment on Tuesday 20th November 2007 6:24am
What if the power the Dark Lord knows not is _Money?_
"Ah, ha!" screamed Voldemort. "I have you at last, Harry Potter! Get him, my loyal Death Eaters!"
Harry didn't look worried, merely holding up a hand. "Now, hold on, Death Eaters. What is this mook paying you, anyway?"
The Death Eaters looked nonplussed. "D'uh...pay us? We have to pay _him!_"
"Yeah, an' clean up after that snake of his!"
Harry nodded. "As I thought! How'd you like to come work for me instead? Five weeks a year paid holidays, medical and dental benefits, a retirement plan..." The Death Eaters ran forward and began kissing his hands and the hem of his robes. "I'll take that as a 'yes, we'd love to work for you.' See my secretary. Ginny, darling, draw up some more 'Crony of Harry Potter' contracts---and stick around after office hours, if you know what I mean, dear."
Voldemort erupted in rage. "Curse you, Harry Potter, you rich bastard! CURSE YOU! Every time we meet, this happens! I can't get any more Death Eaters in Britain!"
Harry laughed a superior laugh. "That's because I've hired them all myself! Give it over, _Dole-_de-mort! You'll never win!"
Voldemort jumped up and down in fury. "Oh, yeah? I'll---I'll import cheap foreign labor Death Eaters from the Commonwealth! I'll beat you yet, you rich swine!"
"Oh, no you won't," Harry replied. He gestured toward Lord Voldemort. "Get him, MY newly-loyal cronies!"
(The ensuing scene of Mindless Ultra-Violence and Voldemort-bashing has been CENSORED for YOUR PROTECTION by the Ministry of Magic. You are in error. No one is screaming. Thank you for your cooperation, and remember---the Ministry of Magic (Minimaj) is YOUR FRIEND.)
Crys replied:
Thanks. Bunny added to the file
WindWolf posted a comment on Tuesday 20th November 2007 3:14am
Some of these were silly, some had me laughing, some I would love to see used in a story and a very few were all three. I hope more will be posted. WW.
Crys replied:
Yes, more will be posted. I have several stored up, waiting for the time and inclination to add to this chapter.
If you have ideas, please let me know. I'm always looking for more bunnies. After all, I'm only a quarter of the way to 1001.
Gullwhacker2 posted a comment on Sunday 18th November 2007 5:40pm
Blatantly ripped off:
"Let me see if I understand properly, Potter. Due to this...prophecy about the two of us, you wish to end the conflict by having the two of us duel."
"That's right."
"Furthermore, because our brother wands, a duel of magic is out. A physical duel would just be stupid. So, you wish to have a duel of...wits?"
"Yes. As you can see, I've prepared two glasses here; one contains ordinary Firewhisky, the other pure Basilisk Venom." Harry, having previously set up a small table and two chairs, placed the glasses on the table and sat down. "You choose which one you believe is the venom, then we both drink."
Voldemort obligingly sat down. This was, indeed, a way to fulfill the prophecy. "Then let the duel begin. So, one of the glasses is closer to you than to me. Knowing that I have devoted my life to escaping death, you might have supposed that I would expect death to be far from me, and you would have thought that I would have thought that the glass closer to you would contain the venom. So, I should pick the glass closer to me."
Harry merely smiled.
"However, you would know that I would know that you would think that I would think that. Furthermore, your experience with my Diary in your second year would have given you a tendency to keep Basilisks as far from you as possible, meaning that the venom is in the glass closer to me, and I should take the one closer to you."
Harry merely tilted his head.
"Then again, you would know that I could deduce that; furthermore, you are insufferably Gryffindor and think nothing of putting yourself at risk, keeping the venom close to yourself out of sheer courage. So, given that I know that you know that I deduced that you knew that I knew that you thought that I'd think that, I should pick the glass closer to me."
Excepting Harry's eternally impassive expression, Luna Lovegood was the only one nodding at the Dark Lord's logic.
"However, given the most recent position of the thirteenth Zodiac constellation, Serpentarius, it's evident that - by Merlin, is that a Crumple-Horned Snorkack?!"
Obligingly, Harry, Luna, and many of the observers turned to look. Voldemort cast a surreptitious Switching Spell on the two glasses.
"I'm afraid I don't see it, Tom."
"Oh, dear, it must have been my imagination. In any event, I've decided." Picking up the closest glass, Voldemort raised it in a toast. Harry followed suit, and the two of them drank their respective drinks in a single gulp.
Harry, putting down his glass, smirked. "Goodbye, Tom."
Laughter was his response. "Goodbye indeed, foolish boy! While your back was turned, I switched the two glasses - you've just consumed your own death! This is your final lesson, little schoolboy - never go up against a Slytherin when death is on the line!"
Harry continued to smirk even as Voldemort threw back his head in maniacal laughter. Abruptly, the laughter stopped, and Lord Voldemort, alias Tom Marvolo Riddle, fell the rest of the way back, stone dead.
As the Death Eaters surrounded to the waiting Aurors, Hermione and Ron ran up to the victorious Harry. "Blimey, mate! How did you know that he'd switch glasses like that?"
Harry, accordingly, grinned. "I didn't - both glasses had the venom. Between my second year and the vial of Fawkes's tears I had earlier, I've an immunity to Basilisk Venom."
Crys replied:
Thanks. Bunny added to the file. Your 25th.
I was really tempted to add to it (that "dizzying intellect" line from Luna would be priceless) but decided to leave it more or less as you wrote it.
Eric Oppen posted a comment on Thursday 15th November 2007 9:44pm
I don't know if you've read Vertigo's _Preacher_ comics, but if you have...what if Voldemort ran up against The Saint of Killers? Particularly given his contempt for "Muggle" weapons, like the Saint's Colt Walker pistols, and his overweening overconfidence?
Killer07 posted a comment on Tuesday 13th November 2007 10:08am
As Moldyshorts tortures Harry and Hermione for a little fun first when he finds them on a date they escape through a portkey. This was seen by a person that found it really rude behavior to disturb this nice couple that he had talked to a little time. Especially with the girl he could have some great conversations. Dr. Lecter decided to show this character what he thinks of rude behavior. Especially against people he likes.
Greetings
Killer07 (I think Voldy pissed of the wrong villain this time *G*)
DragoFlare posted a comment on Tuesday 6th November 2007 11:05am
The anime/manga was a series called Ranma 1/2,
it's a romantic comody about a young martial artist who was cursed to turn into a girl at Jusenkyo. He gets roped into an arranged marriage thanks to his father, in addition to several other suitors (both thanks to his own actions as well as his pops) on both the sides. Look it up on Wikipedia dot org if you need the info on it. It really is quite a funny series.
DragoFlare posted a comment on Tuesday 6th November 2007 8:48am
Voldermort had one weakness, well, it wasn't a weakness per say. It was more of a vice.
He loved to research new and unusual curses.
That was what brought him to the Bayankala Mountain Range in the Qinghai Province of China, the object of his curiosity was the rumored cursed springs of Jusenkyo.
As Voldermort made his way down the dirt path, he stopped at the cliff overlooking the innocent looking valley. It was just a valley of springs with hundreds of Bamboo shoots jutting out of them.
But, fate was against our favorite dark lord that day.
A panda dashed down the same mountain path like the hounds of hades were on his heels.
Voldermort barely dodged to the side avoiding the frightened panda.
Unfortunately for Riddle, he failed to dodge the redheaded girl that made the panda so frightened in the first place.
"Get back here pops!" the redhead snarled as she used the dark lord's head as a springboard to gain momentum.
WHAM!
And sent him over the edge of the cliff.
"AAAAAAAAAAA!!!!"
Splash!
And so he changed.
After falling into the spring of the drowned pig.
"Bwee...Bwee...Bwee..." the neo pig panted as he reached the surface and swam to shore.
Only to be scooped up by the same panda the knocked him over the cliff in the first place.
As Genma Saotome gazed at the shivering piglet out of the spring (while making sure not to fall in himself) he regarded the tiny animal.
"Meh, might as well wask up the thing before I eat it." he thought as he warmed up the water gathered in the ladle he found by one of the springs and promptly doused the unlucky dark lord with the water from the locking ladle.
A few minutes later, Genma made his way down to the guides hut with out a care in the world.
Unlike his unknown prisoner who was struggling with all his miniscule might.
As the panda entered the Jusenkyo guide spied the porcine dark lord.
"Let's right now, cook it very nice!" the guide chuckled in broken Japanese as Genma tied the piglet by his legs over a wok filled with white hot cooking oil.
"In ground of accursed springs, we have 'spring of drowned black piglet.' the guide explained as he sharpened a cleaver and the panda stoked the fire.
"Here's a very sad story of a baby black pig who drown there one thousand two hundred years ago." the guide continued.
He looked the piglet in the eye "Maybe here's a person who falls in the spring of drowned black pig."
Voldermort nodded franticly.
"Ha! Very funny joke, yes?" the guide asked as Genma drooled over the thought of fresh fried pork.
The guide swung the cleaver, severing the pigs head and the rope holding it over the boiling oil.
Fried Dark Lord anyone?
Crys replied:
Don't read or watch any anime, so I am totally lost on all the references in there. Thanks anyway.
DragoFlare posted a comment on Tuesday 6th November 2007 12:11am
I really liked number 254. The idea of Harry being a God and pounding Moldie Voldie into a meaty smear on the floor is classic! Keep up the great work!
MonkeyAxman1302 posted a comment on Monday 5th November 2007 8:52pm
I adored the Greek one. They all made me giggle, but that was particularly good.
Killer07 posted a comment on Saturday 3rd November 2007 11:07pm
As Galactus prepares to devour the Earth he first swallows a stray particle of the world (Voldy using a portkey on the way to Hogwarts) He suddenly gets a really bad case of indigestion and decides that he'll leave the Earth alone. If one particle causes this he doesn't want to know how bad the case of food poisoning would be after the complete planet.
Greetings
Killer07 (How Moldyshorts saved the world unwillingly)
Crys replied:
Thanks. Bunny added to the file. Your 81st
The Crow posted a comment on Friday 2nd November 2007 7:30pm
"So why are we gonna let him know the rest of the prophecy again?" asked Harry.
"Trust me mate, it'll work." Replied Ron.
Voldermorts Private Chamber - Later that day
"Lucius here, has suceeded in squeezing the rest of the prophecy out of that Weasley brat" said Voldermort.
The room erupted in cheers.
He then proceeded to explain that it would be him, and only him that could kill Potter.
Suddenly a man, who strongly resembled a rat spoke up.
"So, technically my lord... I couldn't kill you right now?" he whimpered.
There was a sharp intake of breath throughout the room but Lord Voldermort merely chuckled and opened his arms.
"You are welcome to try."
The rat-like man suddenly pointed his wand at Voldermort and shouted "Avada Kedavra!"
A flash of green light flew at Voldermort. His face showed momentary suprise, then he fell over. Dead.
"That was easy." said Harry as the polyjuice slowly wore off.
"You owe me 5 galleons." said Ron tucking his long blonde hair behind his ear.
Crys replied:
Thanks. Bunny added to the file
Gullwhacker2 posted a comment on Thursday 1st November 2007 7:13am
Inspired by some fanfic plots...
Harry smirked as he confronted Voldemort. "I've discovered the power you know not, Tom!" He then proceeded to explain how due to his mother being secretly an adopted daughter of a squib, he was actually the heir of Slytherin, Merlin, and several other famous wizards. Furthermore, he'd obtained magical power from seventeen different sources, at least four of which were both brand new and blatantly contrived...
Voldemort wound up bludgeoning himself with a large, stout object just to escape the idiocy.
(Yes, similar to the power being to bluff; consider this an alternate end to that one.)
Crys replied:
Thanks. Bunny added to the file. Your 24th
Killer07 posted a comment on Thursday 1st November 2007 5:26am
The symbiont Venom found a new Host in Harry. After seeing Harry's memory's he decided to help Harry to the best of his abilities.
Greetings
Killer07
Erin M. Heckman posted a comment on Wednesday 31st October 2007 2:29pm
Lord Voldemort was casually dining at one of his guilty pleasures, a renaissance festival. He was so into his beef stew in a bread bowl that he didn't realize the high speed projectile that was thrown by one of the entertainers. The plastic spork buried itself into the Dark Lord's throat, striking his juggular vein. It was all over in a mere 45 seconds.
Crys replied:
Thanks. Bunny added to the file
Gullwhacker2 posted a comment on Wednesday 31st October 2007 5:05am
Another scene that comes to mind...I'll use Crabbe for this, given his use of Fiendfire or whatever it was in book seven, but replace with Wormtail or whatever Death Eater suits your fancy.
Crabbe looked at his arm and grinned. The Dark Mark. He was truly part of the Dark Lord's forces now. However, he knew that other young Death Eaters - like Malfoy - held higher status, due to family connections. He knew that he'd have to work to prove himself to his new master. For this reason, he was holed up in the library, looking for new terrible spells he could use in the service of Lord Voldemort. Stumbling across one denoted 'very powerful', he grinned again. This would be perfect!
***
Voldemort was enjoying the Dark Revel he'd set up for his forces when a roar could be heard overhead. Looking up, he spotted a full-grown dragon, heading for his base of operations. Despite sporiadic spellfire, the beast was undeterred and crashed into the middle of the Death Eaters.
Even as Voldemort prepared to unleash his deadliest spells against the beast, young Crabbe spoke up. "Don't worry, my Lord! I'll kill this thing!" And so, Crabbe unleashed the terrible spell he had learned - "DRAGON SLAVE!"
The spell was easily powerful enough to destroy any mortal creature, even a dragon. It really was a shame, however, that Crabbe hadn't paid attention to the footnote on 'blast radius'.
Crys replied:
Thanks. Bunny added to the file. Your 23rd
Killer07 posted a comment on Sunday 16th December 2007 4:15am
Crys replied: