uvarunr posted a comment on Friday 7th January 2011 1:34pm for Epilogue
This story was great at building up tension, even rage, within the reader, and absolutely terrible at releasing it. You allowed Harry, Hermione, and the girls to endure one outrageous abuse after another, and NO justice--not even a single moment--was delivered.
We didn't get to see Malfoy get his comeuppance (save a brief flashback); we didn't get to see Ron eviscerated and sent to prison; we didn't get to see Snape die a gruesome and well-deserved death (he went free?!); for God's sake, we barely even saw what happened between Harry and Voldemort.
This is a narrative failure of epic proportions. Not only is there no happy ending (this is a *tepid* ending at best), but you simply failed at telling your story. The events that the story *demanded* either weren't narrated directly or didn't happen at all. So much potential lost.
Please go back to the midway point in this story and rewrite it. You owe it to yourself and every single one of your readers.
avidreaderbz posted a comment on Wednesday 29th December 2010 3:07am for Epilogue
Really really good story :)
normalguycap posted a comment on Sunday 21st November 2010 10:11am for Epilogue
I feel the need to expand on what I said. I honestly didn't expect to get a response at all anyway since it seems most authors here don't write frequently and some stories have been abandoned for awhile.
I was upset, because you really attracted my attention and imagination that I couldn't stop reading. I wanted to find out what happened next because I truly enjoyed the story you presented, but I do feel unsatisfied as a reader due to the final three chapters.
The ending sequence after the battle seemed incredibly abrupt, no doubt from the shorter chapters and I did not get the feeling of a happy ending by any means if there was one intended (most likely not). It's a combination of failing to meet my expectations and coming to terms with that.
Now yes, you accounted for all the villains, but I am refering to the Malfoys and Snape in particular. They all tormented Harry and crew deeply for a long time in the story without any real retribution. Yes, Lucius was cut down by many curses, but he got in a shot with more 'finality' to it. In a way, one could argue he got that last laugh by what he did. He was also cut down namelessly, reducing the significance of the act. Draco, actually, I think I missed that fact he went to jail. I don't understand why they let Snape get away for 2 years. To me, he was never really punished, just removed until the epilogue and mentioned in passing.
What happened to them were so abrupt or passive that readers couldn't enjoy it. It was like they got reduced to the same effect as an unknown minion dying. Voldemort's death was fine because we didn't see him during the story at all. He never actively tormented the good guys, so his relatively small death had the appropriate effect. However, for the world of fantasy, most enemies that play a large role have an almost equally large demise. I don't have a sense of closure here and that is what's most upsetting. You gave them dramatic evil scenes, but didn't balance the scale. You're right that you present an amount of realism, but we don't read stories, especially fanfiction, for realism do we?
I, of course, would have loved to see Harry end up with someone, especially Daphne and Tracey! "Sometimes the hero doesn't end up with the girl" is only made true by writers like yourself that make it that way. This can't really apply to the real world as heroes has a subjective meaning there. So we must turn to the world of fantasy, and in that world yes, the hero in nearly all cases ends up with the girl or at least a happier ending. Him being Minister doesn't strike me as a good position because we were never given incling that he would actually enjoy that and knowing Harry as we do probably took the job out of obligation or a sense of duty. Voldemort being gone and most of his friends surviving is almost always a given in any story. At minimum, the epilogue didn't communicate a sense of real happiness in Harry. Things were merely, 'good' and I believe some potential was lost.
I should repeat that the reason I did not like this story, ultimately, was because it enthralled me so and then delivered what I regard as a subpar ending considering what you had built up to that point. Was it perfect before the ending? Of course not, with minor things like repeated lines and some spelling errors, but nothing earth shattering.
I will continue to enjoy your other work, especially your humor ficlets. I think my favorite of yours is your HP/NT story.
normalguycap posted a comment on Sunday 21st November 2010 3:36am for Epilogue
That was a god-damned terrible ending. You had incredible build up, but NONE of the villains got satisfactory punishments. This story was a tease and then a let down.
Oh? I thought all the villians had a justified ending. Voldy decapitated by Harry, Lucius torn to shreds by 20 students, most of the rest of the Death Eaters captured and in prison, Draco already in prison, Snape (despite outrageous claims of having "helped") under investigation by everyone under the sun, and even AD has been marginalized. What relevant villian wasn't accounted for?
Now, it wasn't dramatic. Is that actually the gripe? Despite that, I think it's at least marginally realistic.
Either way, sorry you didn't like it.
Adam posted a comment on Wednesday 25th August 2010 2:48pm for Epilogue
Ok this started as a very nice story you brought everything along very well. but the ending leaves me at a loss. the girl who seems to genuinly wanted him dies, and the other decides to shaft him. I am aware that she gives back a portion, but still. Then to wrap it all up, he ends no better than when he started. it would seems to be that by winning he lost.
All in all nice story by dissapointing ending.
loretta537 posted a comment on Thursday 22nd July 2010 8:15am for Epilogue
this was a good story
LKK posted a comment on Saturday 26th June 2010 1:33am for Epilogue
I quite liked it. It's nice to see a fic where Harry does not get the girl but still manages to defeat Voldemort. The unusual pairings work in your favor as well. I like how you upheld Harry's sense of honor through it all. Great fic!
thanks for the review
RavePenguin posted a comment on Thursday 10th June 2010 10:01pm for Epilogue
I started reading this story yesterday and just finished it now. It was so captivating that I only stopped reading for work and food >.<
On the serious side, I felt that you overused some phrases occasionally. The one that sticks out the most was the phrase "Flashed a bright smile." It just something that I noticed and you might want to keep in mind, but it didn't really detract from the story at all so I didn't really mind. Just noticed is all ^_^
On the positive side, I really like the way you ended it. I've read plenty of fan fictions where Harry gets the girl in the end and everything is great with only a few minor losses. Not that there's anything bad about those types of endings, it's just nice to read something different if you know what I mean ^_^
I would have preferred it if you fleshed out the epilogue a little more. But I like how you didn't actually say what his position was until the very end. It was a great way to build suspense. That's something that the past few chapters have all had in common that i really enjoyed. While it's usually easy enough to guess the major plot points like "Voldemort dies" and "Harry probably lives"(emphasis on the probably >.< ) I never knew how you were going to do anything.
Sorry for such a long review, but I only ever give a review if either I really liked it, or if I really hated it. And in both cases, I usually have a lot to say. I hope that my review helps you in any way ^_^
All in all, a great story. I can't wait to read some more of yours!
Glad you enjoyed it, but please, don't forgo life's necessities just to read my fic!
Really? I used that phrase multiple times? Huh. Thanks, I'll keep that in mind.
Yeah, I set out on this one to not go down the well-worn path on some issues. "The hero gets the girl" is one cliche I was trying to avoid.
I'm happy that you enjoyed my level of unpredictability. Thanks for the review!
jalva200 posted a comment on Wednesday 2nd June 2010 11:31pm for Epilogue
wow feel so cheated
started ok went to ah ends shitty
Nights_Silhouette posted a comment on Saturday 29th May 2010 7:18pm for Epilogue
An intresting story, keep it up.
Hemotem posted a comment on Friday 14th May 2010 2:17pm for Epilogue
Okay that ending was weird in its self I had figured that Harry would get married and stay married to at least one of the girls. It did take me by surprise and I look forward to seeing more of your writing in the future.
Yanagi posted a comment on Wednesday 5th May 2010 9:23am for Epilogue
I really liked this. I think the end was perfect. Excellent work.
cephis posted a comment on Wednesday 17th March 2010 1:36pm for Epilogue
I agree with all of the comments, Harry had more money as 12k would not fill a room of a "trust vault" although, I agree that it is a enough for a trust vault. Another beef if that the Malfoys would not of invested their new worth without a prudent reserve. It seemed to me that you wanted to stick it to Harry.
mpop posted a comment on Thursday 25th February 2010 10:38pm for Epilogue
The beginning and body of the story were very good.
The ending however...
Maybe it's just because I'm such a big fan of the hero gets the girl(s).
aidanrow posted a comment on Saturday 20th February 2010 9:42pm for Epilogue
just finished reading this story and i thought it was really good but i was a bit dissapointed with the ending sorry. i liked the thought of harry and daph in the end but oh well. it was a great read!
rflash posted a comment on Saturday 13th February 2010 1:57pm for Epilogue
The story started very well, but the last chapters are a bit of a dissapointment.
1. Harry declared dead so that Tracey is freed is a very poor idea. No matter how stupid wizarding law is I really don't see this possible. If a law is passed that will outlaw chattel it stand to reason that current Masters have the possibility to free the slave wifes.
2. Given the fact that Daphne is willing to bed Harry I find it highly unplausable that it didn't happen given the fact she had months. I expected to do everything but and this has alot of potential at least for some witty remarks.
3. I hate that Harry is single at the end and again it just doesn't feel right. At the very least I expected some kind of explination as why.
mcgurrin posted a comment on Friday 5th February 2010 6:59pm for Epilogue
I liked it.
David Thacker posted a comment on Wednesday 3rd February 2010 12:56am for Epilogue
I do not recall read this chapter when it was posted it is good.
Elia950 posted a comment on Friday 29th January 2010 2:58pm for Epilogue
uhm ._. i don't really know what to say..
I really really liked how this story started.. it was going at a right place, and it was fast to read.. the lastest chapters have sadly, in my opinion, ruined the story a little..
I really loved how Tracy and Daphne where in this story and liked a lot too an Hermione who didn't like Ron.. i never liked him.
Well from the start you could see that this was going to end with at last one between Tracy, Daphne and Hermione dieing.. tough for as much as i like Hermione i would have prefer her as Daphne..
I know that a lot of stories of this 'type' doesn't end with romance or the like but i have got to say that i'm a little disappointing about this.. i acutally tough that Daphne would in the end be with Harry and Tracy would remain with him even if not like daphne..
I actually expected Hermione to be with Neville..
What can i say? i love a lot stories like this.. but sadly i'm one of 'The pairing is FONDAMENTAL in choosing what story to read'.. and i read very few stories that have a pairing i don't like o no pairing at all..
I'm a romantic.. and as such while the situation wasn't very good for romance i tough that it would have end up with a little more of that.. especially between harry\daphne\tracey..
apart from that i have to congratulate you for a very good story!!
Sorry if with this review i offended you in any way.. >.<
Riegert8 posted a comment on Friday 1st January 2010 8:36pm for Epilogue
This is a good story, I just did not care how it ended. I thought that Harry would be paired with Tracy or Daphne, I have some hope that it will be both. At the end of story Hermione is paired with Nevile and Tracy is with Blaise,It seem that out the three Harry is the only that not paired with anyone.