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Hawklan posted a comment on Monday 31st August 2009 5:36am for Snape's Detention

nice new chapter and I just hope Snape somehow falls down some stairs and maybe Ron will join
him *g*

ichtys posted a comment on Monday 31st August 2009 4:05am for Snape's Detention

Hi again.
Where did the Quibbler interview go. Wouldn't Luna have taken time for making an interview during the passing weeks.
And what about Ron's punishment. Although Harry wouldn't be present, the Hogwarts rumor mill should have given some clues about what happened.

Regards Ichtys

Crys replied:

Interview done and published, but not mentioned.   The goal was to soften everyone's opinions on the Potters.   Other than facts already given to the readers, nothing new came out.

Ron's punishment is an internal Weasley matter.   In fact, it has to do with a  lot of degnoming and more or less "house arrest".   Against a person who is of-age, that kind of punishment makes no sense, but then Molly has never struck me as logical when it comes to her family.

ichtys posted a comment on Monday 31st August 2009 3:09am for Snape's Detention

Hi Crys
I like reading this story, and I think it has an interesting plot. Another thing I like, is that you keep the rating down, instead of moving into the well-trodden path of harem-fics. One of the real challenges in writing fan-fic is to make it original. There are so many stories floating around, that without carefull planning, any story is bound to stumble on a truckload of clichés.
One of the things that could improve the reading experience for me, is that Ron in this story is so much OOC that he behaves on par with Malfoy. I find it difficult to believe in this version of Ron. I know that he is the obvious choice in order to show the reader just how pure-bloods view chattel. But his behaviour is so heavy-handed that, as I wrote, it would be expected of Malfoy, rather than Ron, raised by Molly and Arthur.
Another thing that bugged me a bit in this chapter, is that Daphne is almost invisible. Besides being a "glistering, nude body" to provoke reaction from Harry’s friends, there are no noteworthy appearances in this chapter. In the first chapters you divide the interaction between Harry and his betrothed fairly even. Now, however, we almost never see any development in the relationship between Harry and Daphne. Tracey is pitted as the one Harry turns to for advise, and Daphne is eye candy.
How could it be that Daphne made no explanation to Hermione? Due to what has been revealed about chattel, it should be impossible to harm their master. By leaving Hermione with the wrong impression, there was a real risk that Harry would lose a friend. It might not be physical harm, but it would stress Harry.
Overall the flow of the chapter was nice, but in the end it became rushed. Harry and his chattel have just returned from holidays, they are in a new environment (their own living quarters, while still attending classes), and yet, we see nothing, or very little of how this influence their daily lives. I don’t know if they take the same classes, or have changed to follow Harry’s. I do not know how their living quarters are arranged, and whether or not Harry always has to escort his chattel. The comment about Tonks entering their lesson with Flitwick during the third week is bothering me. There is too much left to the readers imagination in the weeks that have passed.

I look forward to reading the next chapter.
Regards Ichtys

Crys replied:

Daphne honestly didn't realize she was hurting Harry.   She wasn't in the room during Hermione's entrance and crying jag, so doesn't realize how upset Hermione is.   She already has permission to walk about the room nude, which she does (mostly to tease Harry).   If she'd thought about it quickly enough, she probably could've realized that Hermione would be upset, but she didn't.

Harry didn't help by finding her nude and laughing about it.

The whole thing was a series of small interations and misunderstandings.   Hermione, already at the breaking point due to Ron, lashed out and left.

Tracey, thinking she was angry at Harry, stopped her and sounded condescending in the process.

Yes, Ron is acting too heavy-handed.   I'm having him a bit OoC, but only by exaggerating one of his existing personality traits.

Sorry I didn't fill in all the blanks, but nothing of note happened in the skipped weeks.   Didn't describe the apartment, because it isn't relevant.   Just that there IS a private apartment is important later, but the layout isn't important.

Thanks for reviewing.

Fenris Ulf posted a comment on Sunday 30th August 2009 7:10am for Snape's Detention

Wow interesting story can't wait for more!

dogbertcarroll posted a comment on Sunday 30th August 2009 12:33am for Snape's Detention

Nice work, but I have to wonder when Harry will arrange Snape's death. Tricking Voldemort into thinking he really is on Harry's side would do nicely.

pfeil posted a comment on Saturday 29th August 2009 7:29pm for Snape's Detention

And why wouldn't Harry charge Snape with at least attempted property damage?

I'm very curious about Hermione's various conversations, and about Tracey and Daphne's behaviour towards her...

Crys replied:

Couple reasons.   First, suing like that would state that he considers Tracey property, which would be demeaning.   Yes, it is a legal fact, but no point in rubbing it in.

Second, what's the point?   At most, he'd get a little bit of money.  

Hardly worth the effort, from his PoV.

Thanks for reviewing.

ching965 posted a comment on Saturday 29th August 2009 6:47pm for Snape's Detention

A phenomenal chapter. The situation with Snape was definitely not surprising, given his character. It is quite unfortunately that little can be done to him criminally. I think it's entirely possible that Snape sexually molested girls of houses other than Slytherin, given how willing he was to memory charm Tracey. Thanks for a great chapter. Hoping for more soon.

Alex Austin posted a comment on Saturday 29th August 2009 6:24pm for Snape's Detention

So, how long until Dumbledore gets removed? I think I see it coming, but I'm not completely sure.

grookill posted a comment on Saturday 29th August 2009 5:58pm for Snape's Detention

Not bad. It was good to see something finally happen to Snape.

I'm curious as to the Ginny/Hermione conversation.

Crys replied:

Nothing special with the Ginny-Hermione conversation.   Just, again,  apologizing for Ron's blatant stupidity.

Thanks for reviewing.

Carol Layland posted a comment on Saturday 29th August 2009 1:48pm for Snape's Detention

This chapter proved, to me, at least that I do not belong in a society that would see women as property and yet I come from just that society. Until I was in my teen years my whole family, the older generation, behaved in just the same way that the chapter explains. I remember my Mother getting scolded by my Father who said that she had no right to sign a certain contract concerning so classes for me. Your chapter has made that incident much elearer to me. Your writing as always in superlative and the organization and length of the chapter is perfect. Thank you for the enjoyment that you gave to me.
Carol Layland>clayva10@yahoo.com

Crys replied:

I'm glad you enjoyed it and further glad that it resonates so well for you, who apparently came from a similar society.

Thanks for the review.

marcelhm posted a comment on Saturday 29th August 2009 4:49am for Snape's Detention

once again you made a so far boring day more fun and exciting with this great new chapter, you've also caused a lot of speculating about albus etc so we're faithfully waiting :)

dennisud posted a comment on Saturday 29th August 2009 3:53am for Snape's Detention

I see Hermione getting closer not only towards harry, but the girls as well.
Also a great use of Neville & Ginny to help keep Harry straight on Pureblood traditions.
Now as for Snape's stupid attempt, I'd say with the lessons Harry & the girls will learn from Flilus and Tonks, they will be ready sooner than later.
Also i suggest having Luna ALSO get closer to the trio as well. nice to have a counter view of things from her perspective.

dennisud

Asad posted a comment on Saturday 29th August 2009 12:12am for Snape's Detention

Nice chappie...

dave gerecke posted a comment on Friday 28th August 2009 10:05pm for Snape's Detention

I continue to enjoy this story and hope to read many more stories from you.
dave

Minerva Granger posted a comment on Friday 28th August 2009 8:24pm for Snape's Detention

That last line from Flitwick was PRICELESS!!! I love your work. Snape is an evil bastard, thanks for getting rid of him. His attempt to rape poor Tracey was predictable, especially after Ron's request, and Draco's.

noylj posted a comment on Friday 28th August 2009 8:09pm for Snape's Detention

Thank you for the update.
If I was Harry, I would have been out of Hoggy a LONG time ago and learning French. His actions, capitulating to Bumbles, just doesn't make sense.

Crys replied:

His "saving people thing" and patriotism keep getting in the way.

Thanks for the review and glad you're enjoying the story.

dougal74 posted a comment on Friday 28th August 2009 7:36pm for Snape's Detention

Another good chapter, but would like to see more of Hermione taking a greater role.

You mentioned line wars earlier in the chapter, why didn't Harry declare one between him and Snape???

gunners posted a comment on Friday 28th August 2009 7:04pm for Snape's Detention

A good chapter.Snape deserves the punishment given to him though,but I wonder what he will do to get back to Harry.

As for Dumbledore,I think he's scheming something for Harry

Wolfric posted a comment on Friday 28th August 2009 6:15pm for Snape's Detention

I think spiking his testicles to the desk would have been most appropriate. Afterall who knows how many people have been memory charmed and what has been hidden. I think he should have been fed a pint of veritaserum and questioned closely. Great chapter. Thanks for writing. W.

whatareyouevensaying posted a comment on Friday 28th August 2009 6:15pm for Snape's Detention

Arrg...I assume that Snape is already plotting his next nefarious move? He really does need to die. In some stories I can settle for a heaping load of unhappy, but in this one, he needs to die.

Whew, this chapter got me really worked up...I only state "facts" like that when I'm really pissed at a character. Nice work, getting me so deeply immersed!

Looking forward to more.

Crys replied:

I take it as a great compliment than I could get you worked up tot he point of frothing anger at one of my characters.

Glad you're enjoying it, and thank you for the review.