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Anne B. Walsh posted a comment on Monday 17th March 2008 9:41am for Three Hundred and One to Three Hundred and Fifty

Yes, me again. Thanks to Mooncheese who inspired this by reviewing my latest chapter.

Standing at the front of the Room of Requirement, Harry waved his hand in the air, encouraging the DA to shout louder. Improving team spirit and getting rid of that annoying You-Know-Who habit of theirs all at once. I love it.

"Voldemort, Voldemort, Voldemort!" forty voices chanted. "Voldemort, Voldemort, Voldemort!"

With a loud snap, a tall figure in black robes appeared in the middle of the room. "What do you want?" Lord Voldemort snapped irritably.

Harry froze for an instant, then remembered where he was.

"I want you to die!"

Crys replied:

Thanks.    Scene added to the file.

LandUnderWave posted a comment on Sunday 16th March 2008 11:11pm for Three Hundred and One to Three Hundred and Fifty

...Something with a Slinky. Voldemort NEEDS to get killed by a slinky.

(And no, the fact that I have one sitting next to my mousepad has in no way influenced my decision.)

I think my favourites in this chapter so far are the Quibbler and Jo Rowling ones. *reviewer utterly fails to stop snickering*

Crys replied:

Thanks.   Bunny added to the file.   A slinky just had to be used, didn't it?

Rebel Goddess posted a comment on Sunday 16th March 2008 9:23pm for Three Hundred and One to Three Hundred and Fifty

Loved the WhyDoYouNeedToKnow ones and the Quibbler titles especially. So funny.

Anne B. Walsh posted a comment on Saturday 15th March 2008 10:17pm for Three Hundred and One to Three Hundred and Fifty

I'm just on fire, aren't I? Here's a couple more, both modified from jokes you'll probably recognize:

xXxXxXxXx

Crabbe Senior was looking around Knockturn Alley for something really good to take back to the Dark Lord. Maybe he'd get off with just one Cruciatus instead of two or three.

On a whim, he walked into Vermicula's Pet Shoppe. "Got anything new?" he asked.

"Just in today," said the withered old proprietor, waving at the perch on the counter. "The legendary jib-jib bird!"

Crabbe looked doubtfully at the stoop-shouldered, nearly-bald, huge-beaked bird. "What does it do?"

"What does it do? What does it do?" Vermicula cackled. "I'll show you what it does! Jib-jib bird, the cauldron!" And he pointed at a rusty cauldron sitting beside the counter.

The jib-jib bird leapt into the air and came down with its beak clattering. A noise like a thousand erumpents tap-dancing later, there was nothing left but a few metal shavings on the floor.

"Jib-jib bird, the broomstick!" Vermicula cried, pointing at the decrepit item hovering beside the empty cauldron stand. Again the bird attacked, with a noise like a million bowtruckles chewing, and sawdust flew everywhere until all that was left were a few bits of twig.

Crabbe was delighted. "I'll take it!"

xXxXx

Lord Voldemort looked doubtfully at the bird Crabbe had brought him. The legendary jib-jib bird, for sale in a pet shop in Knockturn Alley? Not to mention how particularly revolting this specimen looked.

He searched for a proper phrase with which to dismiss it, and finally found one from his Muggle childhood which seemed to fit.

"Jib-jib bird, my arse!"

xXxXxXxXx

Harry Potter fired a spell at Lord Voldemort. "God damn it!" he swore. "I missed!"

He fired again. "God damn it! I missed!"

"You had better watch yourself, Potter," Voldemort taunted. "Your God might strike you down where you stand..."

Suddenly, clouds gathered overhead. An ominous roll of thunder boomed out, and a lightning bolt split the sky.

Harry dove for cover as Voldemort evaporated.

From the sky, a huge voice rumbled, "Me damn it, I missed."

Crys replied:

Thanks.    Two scenes  added to the file.

Eric Oppen posted a comment on Friday 14th March 2008 11:46am for Three Hundred and One to Three Hundred and Fifty

How about this?

Voldemort Apparated into the kitchen at 4 Privet Drive, and put Dudley Dursley under the <i>Crucio</i>, just for laughs.

Unfortunately, while Petunia Dursley was a Muggle, she did have enough residual magic to do something when she was under enough stress. Seeing her beloved Dinky Duddums being tortured was more than enough.

Voldemort barely had time to scream as every knife in the kitchen suddenly rose and flew at him, slicing him into tiny pieces.

Dudley looked at his mother in wonder. "Gee, Mum, I didn't know you saw that flick from the States. You know...Carrie ."

Crys replied:

Thanks.   Bunny added to the file.

Milarqui posted a comment on Friday 14th March 2008 8:39am for Three Hundred and One to Three Hundred and Fifty

I still don't understand why you always say that Harry and Hermione might end or are together. Considering the facts that a) Harry only loves Hermione as a sister, b) Harry loves Ginny as a lover, c) Hermione loves Ron as a lover and d) Ron loves Hermione as a lover, then it is impossible for Hermione to be Harry's romantic interest.

I hope you re-write the chapter with Ginny instead of Hermione.

stealacandy posted a comment on Thursday 13th March 2008 5:14am for Three Hundred and One to Three Hundred and Fifty

Here's 312:


"It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose."

"You dare? I am Lord-"

"IT PUTS THE LOTION ON THE SKIN OR ELSE IT GETS THE HOSE! PUT THE LOTION! PUT THE LOTION! PUT THE LOTION! PUT THE LOTION!" (uses hose.)

"Grple-"

"PUT THE LOTION!"



mo

JP posted a comment on Wednesday 12th March 2008 9:51pm for Three Hundred and One to Three Hundred and Fifty

Sweet. Always good for a giggle. Many thanks. Liked the plaque at the end, and of course the Creevys are Huey Lewis fans, alongside some of the more flamboyant disco numbers in their collections.....

Evan Mayerle posted a comment on Wednesday 12th March 2008 11:31am for Three Hundred and One to Three Hundred and Fifty

*snicker* I loved 301 and there's nothing to apologize for, I thoroughly enjoyed the '80s incarnation of MI with the disk as well as the original. Now, if someone happened to contact a classified group in the US government and they sent the operative code-named "Eric" (one Matthew Helm) to deal with Tom, things could get uncomfortable for Tom; appropriately enough, certain elements of international crime label Mr. Helm's employer as "Group W" for their ability to "waste" their targets, no matter what.

Just a thought for a future "death". Vrnon finds himself forced to take Harry along with when he takes Dudley to see his two favorite football (soccer to those of us in the US) teams play; said teams being Dud's favorites because they have the rowdiest fans. Tom and his merry band apparate into this and start taunting Harry. Harry loudly responds, to where all can hear him, stating that Tom had grossly insulted both teams. In the resulting riot, Tom and his merry men are completely wiped out.

vertru posted a comment on Wednesday 12th March 2008 10:41am for Three Hundred and One to Three Hundred and Fifty

Ah what can I say, Crys. You have a few very weird fans... and colleagues. That Herman Tumbleweed guy is really out there... <smirk>

Vern

Crys replied:

Yes, I do have weird fans.   But what does that say about me?

On second thought, don't answer that.

*smirk*   Yeah, that Herman Tumbleweed guy . . .

Killer07 posted a comment on Wednesday 12th March 2008 6:53am for Three Hundred and One to Three Hundred and Fifty

In an old tomb Harry and Hermione find a strange looking robot. After activating it introduces itself as HK-47 and Harry is its new Master.

Greetings

Killer07 (A assassin droid build by Revan as he was a Sith Lord definitive a power he knows not :-) )
Question: Master can i now kill this pale meatbag?

Richard Peterson posted a comment on Wednesday 12th March 2008 4:57am for Three Hundred and One to Three Hundred and Fifty

These are always entertaining and I can always use a good laugh. Thanks.