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Anne B. Walsh posted a comment on Thursday 17th July 2008 9:56am for Three Hundred and One to Three Hundred and Fifty

Plotbunnied by my own story... pitiful.

-----

Lord Voldemort stepped out of the odd flying contraption and waved the red-armored guard back inside. A surreptitious pinch to the inside of his forearm did nothing.

Excellent. The spell has taken effect.

He began to walk into the woods, focusing on his destination--a small, squat building on the other side of a ridge.

Some weeks earlier, Severus had reported that Potter and his friends were planning some sort of grand entertainment involving a battle between good and evil, to be played out in a magically shared dream. The Dark Lord had seen a choice opportunity, and immediately assigned several Death Eaters to research spells which bound what happened in dreams to what happened in reality. Learning about this new world, he had reserved for himself.

An oddly fascinating creation. If the author is still alive--and of suitable descent, of course--I believe I shall reward him.

In any case, it had been obvious to him from the first moment which role Potter would take. Which was why, instead of remaining aloft to await the arrival of Potter and Snape, he had ordered a shuttle to take him to the surface of this quaint moon. Here he would kill Weasley and Granger, and as many others of Potter's coterie as he could find, before returning to his place to rewrite the ending of the story.

Annoying that it required the sacrifice of a Horcrux to come here. My dear Nagini, too... but I should not depress myself. This promises to be fun.

He stepped out of the forest to see camouflage-dressed soldiers being rounded up by those in white armor. A red-haired man bent protectively over a brown-haired woman near the doorway.

As I expected. Alone, and with no magic... easy prey.

A deep breath, and the magic of this dreamworld filled him. They called it "The Strength" or "The Power" or some such term--childish, perhaps, but its use came easily to him. He wondered if there might be a way to reproduce the effect at home.

Starting forward towards Weasley and Granger, he failed to notice the large two-legged machine clanking out of the forest behind him. Nor did he hear the furious roar which came from the creature that bounded out of its top. His first intimation that something was not as it seemed was when he was roughly seized and spun around.

Fur, he registered dimly.
A great deal of fur.

Most of it was golden and brown, except for one white patch on the creature's forehead... a patch with a rather distinctive shape...

The creature bellowed again, grasped Lord Voldemort's wrist in one hand and his shoulder in the other, and yanked.

How odd, the Dark Lord thought hazily through the pain. If Potter was here, who did play the part of...

-----

On the whole, Severus Snape thought, the efforts of the Millennium Falcon and its compatriots were likely to be unnecessary.

Loosing Longbottom inside the Death Star with a lightsaber was going to destroy the space station long before the ships could arrive.

Crys replied:

Scene added to the file.   Thanks.

Regina Noctis posted a comment on Tuesday 15th July 2008 1:34am for Three Hundred and One to Three Hundred and Fifty

Inspired by a particularly clever T-shirt I saw:

Voldie was a Muggle's son,
But Voldie is no more.
What Voldie thought was H-two-O
was H-two-S-O-four.

(Sorry, but I don't think the chemical notation will show up here.)
----------------------------
Also, as inspired by "The Fish-Slapping Dance" from Monty Python's Flying Circus:

A Disillusioned Tom Riddle, so intent was he on finding the key to immortality that he scarcely noticed his surroundings, walked straight past two Muggles standing near a loch while slapping each other's faces with dead fish.

Unfortunately for him, he was on the side closest to the water.

And he walked past Michael Palin just as John Cleese struck his fellow actor with a trout.

And, unlike Michael Palin, Tom Riddle couldn't swim.
-------------------
And now, end line from MPFC.

Voldemort flew around the heads of Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley as they snogged by the lake, oblivious to the world. The advantage to his Animagus form, Voldemort thought as he hovered closer with a high-pitched whine, was that he could get close to his victims undetected.

Well, relatively undetected.

The disadvantage was that his primal instincts, if not kept in check, could easily give him away. . .

SLAP!

"What was that, dear?" Ginny asked without breaking the kiss.

"Oh, nothing, love," Harry replied while wiping his hand on his jeans. "Just a pesky mosquito. Don't worry, I made sure I got it--there's nothing more dangerous than a wounded mosquito after all."
-------------------
Whew! I have some more scenes, too, but I'm out of computer time, and they're LONG. Good job with the compilation work, and hope to see you posting soon! Regina

Puck1 posted a comment on Sunday 6th July 2008 7:49am for Three Hundred and One to Three Hundred and Fifty

Here's a bunny from the trial scene in OotP (any mistquoting is not my fault, my copy of OotP is at my house and I'm not at home):

"You are Harry James Potter of Number 4, Privet Drive?" Fudge had just started the questioning when Voldermort burst in.

"Potter, is this some sort of joke?" Fudge asked before casting a Stunning charm and a Jinx Hex.

Gullwhacker2 posted a comment on Wednesday 2nd July 2008 2:10am for Three Hundred and One to Three Hundred and Fifty

Voldemort arranged the arcane devices, waiting for the chosen moment. Lightning rumbled, striking an antenna and pouring its energy into the massive creation stretched out on a table. Slowly, ponderously, the monstrosity sat up.

Voldemort took a moment to cackle at his creation's success. "Excellent! Now, my minion - Destroy all Mudbloods!"

The monster was well designed. It instantly locked onto both the blood of Tom Riddle Sr. and of the Evans family, and took the first step towards completing its directive.

(Possible extra - pick just one of the 'Muggle' bloodlines for Tom, rather than overcomplicate; or add a representative from the League of Villains at the end, muttering "Ironically destroyed by his own creation. Typical.")

Eric Oppen posted a comment on Tuesday 1st July 2008 4:46pm for Three Hundred and One to Three Hundred and Fifty

"My Lord, I have perfected a machine that will allow you to Apparate onto Hogwarts ground, past the wards," said Severus Snape.

Smirking, Voldemort stepped in and threw the switch, vanishing...along with a stray housefly that had buzzed on in.

Some time later, after the fly-headed monster that had somehow appeared at Hogwarts had been killed (it appeared quite disoriented), a strange, high-pitched cry came from a spider-web in an unnoticed corner of the castle.

"Help me---help me!"

Crys replied:

Scene added to the file.   Thanks.

Evan Mayerle posted a comment on Wednesday 25th June 2008 8:25pm for Three Hundred and One to Three Hundred and Fifty

Oh, ghod!! Some of those last ones were hilarious. I wonder what would happen if Tommy-boy was to interrupt any number of super-groups, be they JLA, Avengers, or who ever? Methinks he might find himself in a world of hurt in dealing with folks used to handling cosmic crisies. OTOH, he could run afoul of some of the really powerful magicals out there like Dr. Strange. *wicked cackle* Now, I'm not sure how it'd work, but imagine the "fun" he'd have if dropped into your average Looney Tune cartoon.

naja haje posted a comment on Monday 16th June 2008 8:44am for Three Hundred and One to Three Hundred and Fifty

Try this: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3073348/1/Die_Voldie_Die

It's not mine but I think it would deserve a place in your list.^^ truly insane...

WD

Crys replied:

I did use that one.   See #193.

And it's still just as disturbing as the last time I read it.

Emptysaucer posted a comment on Saturday 14th June 2008 11:26am for Three Hundred and One to Three Hundred and Fifty

Bunny - Harry exhausted from battle. voldy about to use killing curse, disappears in flash of light. Ash scolds harry about taking proper care of his pokemon and hands him a pokeball, with voldy inside.

another bunny - harry defensless and exhausted. voldy doing his whole "OMG i'm so great i'll take over the world" speech. A nearby muggle, annoyed by his bragging, pulls a note book out of his bag. Light Yagami writes Tom Riddle's name down in the Death Note.
(er...for that one to work, Harry would have to call Voldy by his real name at some point, as nicknames don't work with the Death Note.)

Crys replied:

Never watched or read any flavor of anime, so all of this is completely lost on me.

Eric Oppen posted a comment on Friday 13th June 2008 4:42pm for Three Hundred and One to Three Hundred and Fifty

Voldemort stared in horror as Harry---Potter? changed form. From a skinny teenager with a shock of black hair to a tall, rangy man with brown hair. The man pointed a Muggle device at him.

"I know what you're thinking, punk. You think that this is just some Muggle gadget. Well, this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful gun in the world, and could blow your head clean off, so you have to ask yourself another question: Do I feel lucky ? Well do you---punk?"

"You're not Harry Potter!" screamed the Dark Lord.

"Too right I'm not. I'm Inspector Harry Callahan, of the San Francisco Police Department and the American Aurors." At that, all the Death Eaters in the vicinity threw down their wands and raised their hands very fast. Voldemort didn't---and found that he wasn't lucky.

"But---that's playing dirty, Harry!" screamed Peter Pettigrew, as Inspector Callahan cuffed him.

Harry grinned. "I know. It just makes my day!"

ShadeHawk posted a comment on Thursday 12th June 2008 9:08am for Three Hundred and One to Three Hundred and Fifty

arry Potter Z: And the Sorcerer’s Stone omake:

[...] Seeing that everyone except the rabbit monster (Cabbit) on the girl’s head (Hermione's) was ignoring him Voldemort began to swear profusely. Ron suddenly knew why Voldemort was the most feared dark wizard of all time. Only the most evil being in all creation could use language so foul.

"Hey, there’s a lady present!" Ron yelled and drawing his wand cursed the foul evil the world had ever known with the same spell his mother had used on him every time she caught him swearing.

Harry and Hermione continued to argue, oblivious to the dark lord gagging at the taste of the lifebouy soap bubbling out of his mouth. They didn’t seem to notice until the soap bubbling out of Voldemort’s mouth had filled the chamber up to their ankles with soapy water and Voldemort lie face down in it. Apparently Mrs. Weasley’s curse reacted to how foul your language was using more soap to clean the dirtier mouth. Who knew it would spell doom for the dark lord?

Crys replied:

Bunny  added to the file.   Thanks.

Aelfwine posted a comment on Saturday 7th June 2008 4:31am for Three Hundred and One to Three Hundred and Fifty

Here's another. Hopefully this hasn't been done already.

No particular crossover, although "greetings and defiance" is used in Diane Duane's Young Wizards novels.
---
In Fourth Year, Aldebaran Black invited Tom Marvolo Riddle to join the Fencing Club. "It's jolly good exercise, Riddle, much more of a gentleman's game than Quidditch. Lots of fine chaps in the club, what?"

"No thanks, Black. We've got wands; why should we play with old pig-stickers like ruddy knights or Cavaliers? Even Muggles don't bother with swords, anymore."

"It's great fun, old bean, and you'll meet fellows who'll be good to know later on in life. All of us chaps from the Old Houses learn, in case we've got to defend our honour someday. And Witches just love a man who can handle a blade. Makes their hearts go pitter-pat, makes ‘em reckon he must be good with the other kind of sword, what? So, what say? I'll sponsor you, of course."

"Thank you, Black," Riddle said, "but I'm afraid I shan't have any time for sport this year." How dare Black suggest that he, who would be a Dark Lord to make even Grindelwald and Dumbledore tremble, should mess about with a sword like some dirty primitive Muggle? One day, the "fine chaps" would serve him, or die. And their overgrown butterknives would not help them.

Five decades later, a white owl dropped a letter in his lap. He refrained from blasting the bird. It would be pointless, at the moment.

"Tom Marvolo Riddle, called Lord Voldemort, Heir of the House of Gaunt,

Milord,

There is a matter of blood between our Houses. Following the ancient laws of Wizarding folk, I, the Head of House Potter, challenge you to single combat with sword and buckler. Let Earth and Air and Water and Fire witness that we will meet at noontide tommorrow, being the Eve of Saint John's Day, on the Field of Honour, otherwise known as the Quidditch Pitch, outside Hogwarts Castle.

Who does not appear, let him forfeit rank and magic and be known as craven before all. May God preserve the right!

Harry James, Lord Potter [his seal]


Voldemort drew his wand. The owl's tortured body would be his reply. But the curse failed on his lips.

"Forgive me, my Lord," Lucius Malfoy said, "but Potter has made a proper challenge. The old laws protect his messenger. Your revenge must be delayed until You have cut the brat to ribbons. Then, my Lord, You may slay his impudent bird in a fashion that will cause owls to tremble a thousand generations hence."

"Yes, Lucius," Voldemort said, and almost cursed the aristocratic ponce. Assuming he would play Potter's game? The opportunity was too good to waste, but still... "So, I suppose I'll need a sword. One must follow the proper forms."

The next day, Voldemort Portkeyed to the Quidditch Pitch. It amused him that his adversary's stupidity permitted him access to Hogwarts. After the boy, he decided, Dumbledore. Then he would cleanse the school of Mudbloods.

Malfoy's heirlooms hung from his belt. Ludicrous things, an overgrown letter-opener and a soup dish with a handle riveted on. A show of following the rules would hold Potter in place while he drew his wand. Fairness was for fools, after all.

The stands were full. Excellent, an audience for the victory which Potter had so graciously handed him. He drew sword and gripped his buckler.

His opponent stood on the field, looking pitifully small. He wore archaic garments of leather and wool; in his hands were a steel buckler and an ancient sword. Potter heirlooms, no doubt. Voldemort would keep them for trophies. They'd hang in some corner of his palace, a servants' stair or a lavatory.

"Milord," Potter said, "greetings and defiance. Shall we dance?"

"Idiot boy," Voldemort said, dropping the so-called weapons. "True Wizards use wands, not bits of Muggle metal. Ava—-" the wand burst to splinters in his hand.

"Not so, milord. It's the sword that settles affairs of honour between the Old Houses. So it has been since before Merlin," Potter said. "Do take yours up, milord. The Baron, my teacher and kinsman, would be ashamed did I slay a disarmed man. Even one who has much besmirched Slytherin House, of which it is his honour to be ghost."

"Why should I play your game, boy? Come, kill an unarmed man. Or let me depart, if you love your silly honour so."

"You shall not flee, milord. Magic itself will strike you down if you set one foot off this field before our combat ends."

"I will rise again, stronger. As I have done before."

"The old magic is stronger than your Horcruces." A frisson of unfamiliar emotion ran down Voldemort's spine. "Yes, milord, I know of them. And you shall know of Judgement, shortly. Come, milord, take up your sword."

Voldemort reached down and lifted the sword. In all his life, nothing else had ever felt so heavy.

Crys replied:

Scene added to the file.   Thanks.

Aelfwine posted a comment on Wednesday 4th June 2008 4:03pm for Three Hundred and One to Three Hundred and Fifty

Well, here's one. Hopefully it's not too long, nor too smutty. Thanks!
-----
At the age of ten, Tom Marvolo Riddle walked in on the plumber and one of the orphanage's cooks in the scullery. Rumours whispered between the boys explained, in some measure, what he'd seen; it was his joy, after his Hogwarts letter, to think that the powerful beings amongst whom he was taking his rightful place would never engage in such undignified nonsense.

Unfortunately, Wizards proved to be much the same as Muggles. From Fourth Year on, young Witches, plus the odd Wizard, sought his attention; one of them, a Ravenclaw named Myrtle, had served as sacrifice for his first Horcrux.

When Lord Voldemort ruled the planet, Wizards would be rid of all such animalistic habits, and human beings would reproduce in a rational and civilised fashion. Alchemists would mix the elements of life in clean glass beakers. He would even remove the stupid bits from his improved model of Wizard, by the third generation at the very latest.

Therefore, linkage to the mind of an adolescent was torture. Every pathetic fantasy of hugs and kisses and fuzzily-envisioned naughty acts gave him a headache. When he killed Potter, he thought, the pleasure of revenge for all this would make the deed a hundred times as sweet.

No, a thousand times as sweet. Tonight's visualisations involved a muscular redhead, a bushy-haired brunette, and a lithe blonde, all of them together at once with Potter in a big soft bed. He recognised the three females from the incident at the Ministry. He would kill them slowly for fueling the boy's imaginings. Why, this vision was so detailed that at least one of the stupid bints must have allowed him to see her in the altogether.

Potter's male housemates were already slated to die, but now Voldemort would see that their deaths took at least a week, for supplying the illustrated French novels that must have inspired this loathsome fantasy.

Impossible. He realised, with dawning horror, that this was real. He struggled to draw his consciousness away, but Potter's mental defenses, previously hidden, now clamped down like a steel trap. He could almost feel what Potter was feeling, almost empathise with the boy's enjoyment of these revoltingly biological activities. And what was worse, the boy genuinely loved all three girls. And they him, and each other.

There was no such thing as love, he told himself. This squishy warm emotion was a fiction born of glands and bad poetry, but it felt real as rock and fire and the green bolt of the cleansing Curse and it was drowning him smothering him burning him away...

His consciousness popped into his next Horcrux, and there was an instant's peace, but then the ghastly feelings and sensations flooded back and he was lost again. Six times, and the last was only sweet relief.

"He's gone," Harry said. "By Merlin, he's gone."

"Truly?" Hermione said.

"Yes, my love," Luna said. "The threads of dark magic are all cut away from our Harry's scar. I see it with my Good Eye."

"So," Ginny said, "the Boy Who Lived and Loved has done it again. What now?"

Luna kissed her. "The four of us will just have to make sure he's dead. Once a day for... oh, about a hundred years should suffice."

"Thank heavens for the Moste Potente Potion," Hermione said.

"You mean," Harry said, "you really want to stay with me? All of you? It wasn't just... necessity?"

"If it had only been that," Luna said, "we never could have done it. Lust was only half of The Power The Dark Lord Knew Not."

Crys replied:

Scene added to the file.   Thanks.

RainingFlowers posted a comment on Sunday 1st June 2008 12:43am for Three Hundred and One to Three Hundred and Fifty

New bunny: Voldemort found out about Bellatrix's 'other job.' So he follows her when she slips away to Fleet Street, only to be met by a demented-looking barber by the name of Sweeney Todd, saying 'How about a shave'?

Anansii posted a comment on Saturday 31st May 2008 5:52pm for Three Hundred and One to Three Hundred and Fifty

Wow - that last one (336) is truly horrific!

Eric Oppen posted a comment on Wednesday 21st May 2008 7:23pm for Three Hundred and One to Three Hundred and Fifty

Voldemort thought that he finally had Harry Potter cornered in Ireland---at a place called "Fowl Manor."

Unfortunately, he didn't know who lived at Fowl Manor. Artemis Fowl the Third didn't _like_ people like Voldemort. Neither did his friends---Butler, Juliet, and LEPrecon officer Holly Short.

Ooops.

Crys replied:

I'm sure that's a reference to something, but I'm afraid I can't place it.

DarkestSecret posted a comment on Wednesday 14th May 2008 9:21am for Three Hundred and One to Three Hundred and Fifty

So I have to say, having all these bunnies is a little frustrating. Here's another:

Harry watched in horror as the members of the Order of the Phoenix made their final stand against the Death Eaters. He turned to join the battle just in time to hear Voldemort hiss "Say goodbye, Nephradora!"

Furious, Tonks raised her wand. She hadn't been kidding when she had said that she'd KILL anyone who used her first name, and dark lord or no, Voldemort was no exception.

Harry and everyone else watching winced as one. Even Voldemort may not have deserved such a painful death.

Crys replied:

Scene added to the file.   Thanks.

DarkestSecret posted a comment on Tuesday 13th May 2008 10:39am for Three Hundred and One to Three Hundred and Fifty

And another....

"Congratulations, my lord. You are now a full-fledged vampire, with all of our powers and abilities." Severus Snape announced, smirking.

"Excellent. Surely I'll be able to defeat Potter now!" Voldemort replied. "Anything I should know?"

"Nothing I can think of, except stay away from garlic, but since you won't be craving normal food, that shouldn't be a problem."

Voldemort nodded and, confident in his invulnerability, opened the door to step outside and find and defeat Potter once and for all.

And promptly keeled over.

"Oh, and stay out of the sun light, it really does kill us." Snape said, turning to see the pile of smoldering robes. "Oops."

Crys replied:

Scene added to the file.   Thanks.

DarkestSecret posted a comment on Tuesday 13th May 2008 10:15am for Three Hundred and One to Three Hundred and Fifty

Sorry, thought of another one.

Voldemort finally had what he believed to be his greatest and most simple plan yet- He had heard from young Malfoy that Potter's mudblood friend Granger was responsible for telling Potter how to foil all of his evil and ingenious plans.

So all he had to do was kill Granger, and Potter would go back to living off of luck.

Without stopping to think about it, Voldemort apparated to the exact place of Hermione Granger....

And promptly died of a heart attack as Hermione stepped out of the shower, having never seen a naked woman in his life.

Hermione frowned. "I didn't think I looked that bad."

Crys replied:

Scene added to the file.   Thanks.

DarkestSecret posted a comment on Tuesday 13th May 2008 8:05am for Three Hundred and One to Three Hundred and Fifty

erm... I don't know if you take bunnies from random strangers who haven't reviewed before because they never read this story- but here's a couple. I won't be crushed if you change them or don't use them- you have my permission

**

It had all been planned. Voldemort had found a way to remove the wards surrounding Hogwart's field, giving him access to the school he so badly wanted to inflitrate. With a pop he apperated...

And fell 50 feet to his death, when he was then speared by the Slytherin flag on the Quidditch pitch. Oops. Those apparation coordinates must have been slightly off.

**

Voldemort cackled evilly- this was the last night Harry Potter would spend on the face of the earth! And just to be sure, he had his Death Eaters would capture both the Weasley boy and that interfering mudblood girl that acted as Potter's sidekicks in the middle of the night, when everyone in the refugee camp was deep in sleep.

Voldemort opened the tent flap, felt the heat of the spelled fire and never even had time to scream before he burned to death. No one had ever told him how dangerous it was to wake Hermione Granger from a dead sleep.

**

(I know this one's racy, but I had to add it)

Voldemort cackled evilly- this was the last night Harry Potter would spend on the face of the earth! And just to be sure, he had his Death Eaters would capture both the Weasley boy and that interfering mudblood girl that acted as Potter's sidekicks in the middle of the night, when everyone in the refugee camp was deep in sleep.

Voldemort opened the tent flap, and gaped in sheer horror when he saw the mudblood and the Weasley boy in bed...together. Horrified, he suffered a severe brain anurysem and dropped dead.

Crys replied:

Second and third scenes added to the file.   Thanks.

Johnny Eagle posted a comment on Saturday 10th May 2008 12:43pm for Three Hundred and One to Three Hundred and Fifty

301 - Replace "Jim" with "Ethan", and I wouldn't mind seeing this one expanded
313 - Is it wrong I laughed at this one?
316 - I don't get it

Crys replied:

313 - I dunno.   Is it bad that I laughed at this and then included it?

316 - In the Room of Requirement, anything you think you want/need, happens or is provided.   So he thinks that he wants Voldy to die.