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brad posted a comment on Sunday 23rd January 2011 8:34pm

Heh. if there was any book that deserved to be sporked ...

Well, Deathly Hallows would be the only superior candidate, but I wouldn't wish my worst enemy to spork that volume. DON'T DO IT CRYS! First of all, re-reading that novel will fry your brain. Secondly, it will take all of your time for years, there's so much fodder there.

Love the Irma Pince / Walbruga Black comparison!

> "And you feel that you have exerted your very best efforts in the matter, do you? That you have exercised all of your considerable ingenuity?"

Gawd that was a horribly artificial and contrived bit of writing by Rowling. Anything goes to get Harry into the story! Asking a teenage boy to recover a memory that's theoretically crucial to winning a war. Yeah, right.

> Dumbledore appeared momentarily startled. "Oh, heavens no! He wasn't nearly good enough. His education was far too poor for our requirements."

Laugh-out-loud!! I didn't see that coming at all. Good one!

> Harry gave him an annoyed look. "I am setting too much store in it? Headmaster, explain to me why you suggested my parents went under the Fidelius Charm. Why have you spent so much time and effort locking me into a prison to protect me from Voldemort and his deez? You did all that due to the prophecy, so don't tell me that I'm setting too much store in the bloody thing. You've determined my whole goddamned LIFE by that very same prophecy!"

Oh, PLEASE don't forget that two, almost three, men DIED in protecting the prophecy - on Dumbledore's orders!!!! That was in book 5, where Rowling needed the prophecy to justify the entire plot of that novel, all 880+ pages of it. But with book 6 she didn't know what to do with the prophecy, so she had Dumbledore reverse course and emasculate it utterly. I *detested* the careless and carefree capriciousness that Rowling exhibited in whipping up her stories; she just didn't care about such things.

As a H/Hr man I applaud, of course, your excerpt from chapter #24 (but that was all canon, I couldn't see what you'd changed in that one :-)) and your takes on the infamously bad 'breakup scene' of chapter #30.

Above all else we NEEDED this one:

> "I am not worried, Harry," said Dumbledore, his voice a little stronger despite the freezing water. "I am with you."
> ...

That bit of ridiculous and patently false bravado was nauseating in the book. I'm very glad you mocked it!

Thanks for the laughs!

Crys replied:

You're quite welcome

Wonderbee31 posted a comment on Sunday 23rd January 2011 6:28pm

A fun chapter, and I really didn't realize how much snark JKR put in HBP till I read some of those here,but got to say, your additions would have spiced the story up even more.

kb0 posted a comment on Sunday 23rd January 2011 6:21pm

>Chapter 20
>Tom Riddle applied to teach at Hogwarts.
>"But he didn't get the job, sir?"
>Dumbledore appeared momentarily startled. "Oh, heavens no! He wasn't nearly good enough. His education was far too poor for our requirements."

Given the DADA professors Dumbledore hired, I think I'd change that to say:
"Oh, heavens no! His ability and education was far too good for our requirements."

:) Kevin

Crys replied:

*laugh* Good point.

Alice Zecco posted a comment on Wednesday 7th October 2009 7:40am

Loved this!

Puck1 posted a comment on Tuesday 27th November 2007 2:42pm

Go for it!!

Here's this line if you want to use it:

Snivillus, must I put up with your snivilling for one more class?



Said by anyone.

squidtamer posted a comment on Tuesday 16th October 2007 11:39am

Fairly Amusing. About half made me laugh. A damn good hit record for anyone without knowing about each other.

I'll be waiting to see the rest.

Puidwen posted a comment on Tuesday 4th September 2007 5:12am

i liked it

Minerva Granger posted a comment on Wednesday 1st August 2007 4:39pm

Why stop at HBP? I want snide responses from DH as well!

hahaheeheehaha posted a comment on Tuesday 22nd May 2007 7:45am

lol so funny i was falling out of my chair :P my friends think im crazy now but who doesnt? :P i find it funny how most are related to malfoy and/or crabbe/goyle (theyre basically one person anyway :P)

Katey posted a comment on Friday 12th January 2007 10:29am

Oh dear jesus on rye. if only JKR had given the trio a sense of comedic timing. i would love them so much more. that is brilliant. absolutely brilliant. maybe when the books are all finished, and all the snide comments have been written for them, you can add instructions to the bottom of the updates for reading the insults in context. New and Improved Team Gryffindor: Now complete with biting wit and a sense of humor!

Roberta Johnson posted a comment on Friday 1st December 2006 3:51pm

"The Snape Loathing Scale" Love It!

Mikkun posted a comment on Wednesday 1st November 2006 5:44am

*snickers* LOVE IT! Sarcastic and Witty Golden Trio, even Ron's on the uptake! what a plot twist! XD

Rebel Goddess posted a comment on Saturday 16th September 2006 8:23pm

This is incredibly funny. I loved the ones aimed at Draco and his goons best. Exceptionally good.

Ivy_Snowe posted a comment on Sunday 27th August 2006 5:58pm

Those were brilliant. Personally I cracked up when I read that line in HBP. Of course my mother didn't find it as funny, because hysterical laughing at 3 in the morning isn't really appreciated comedy. Cheers.

~Ivy

Brad Crawford posted a comment on Sunday 7th May 2006 7:19am

i loved the anecdotes os far i hope to see more please!

Serendipity posted a comment on Monday 13th February 2006 1:32pm

Too bad JKR couldn't have used those lines. They'd have greatly improved the humor aspect of the stories. :D

Do another?

Cheers!
~*~LIZ

Crys replied:

After I finish Scion, I plan on adding to this one with comments from HBP.

Though JKR did one already.

"You don't have to call me, 'sir,' Professor."

Lira posted a comment on Tuesday 10th January 2006 2:46am

Oh dear! *laughs so hard she can barely type* I love those! I hope you aren't completely finished with them but update them occasionnally when you can think of a new one. - I'd absolutely love to read more along those lines!
Love the diary-one in particular! More like this!

Jamie46 posted a comment on Thursday 17th November 2005 2:06am

hahahhahahaha, oh dear, if only it HAD gone like that O:-) :-D hehehehe

Machiavelli Jr posted a comment on Monday 31st October 2005 10:12am

You have a knack for snark. Any chance of some HBP ones - I thought of dozens whilst reading and most of the chapters would be improved by Harry remembering the art of cracking wise in the face of certain death, which is necessary to a really top-drawer Hero.

Joanna posted a comment on Sunday 2nd October 2005 12:18pm

That's funny! It cheered me up!