Content Harry Potter Miscellaneous


jellybean posted a comment on Friday 22nd February 2013 6:57pm

These are hilarious, I love them :D

Man of Kent - Railwayman posted a comment on Saturday 9th February 2013 9:54pm

Really interersting

Parry Otter posted a comment on Tuesday 15th January 2013 1:32am

I love this!! Like your previous entry, the quips, invented or verbatim, are great! Are you going to go over the first five books to finish the series? I find it most funny when you point out the quips that are already in the books, as sometimes I read over them not realizing that it really says what I thought it said, and I don't think I am alone in that. Please keep up the good work!

Crys replied:

the first five books are covered in the first chapter of this "story"

Milarqui posted a comment on Sunday 30th December 2012 4:45am

Some of these "Snide Comments" actually border on the insensitive and malignant (particularly the ones about Harry trying to pick Hermione up), and a few are so very OOC (Lucius Malfoy complaining about inbreeding). Otherwise, quite good.

Mathew McCrillis posted a comment on Thursday 27th December 2012 2:42am

A great idea as always, thanks for sharing!


Slytherin66 posted a comment on Wednesday 26th December 2012 8:55am

Thanks for this there really is lots of snarky potential in the last book.

Chapters 12, 15, 16, 19, 31, 33 and 36 were funny and the truth about Ron was clear.

There were many good points as well like chapters 22, 23, 25, 34 and 35.

I hope you had a good xmas and I look forward to what you post next.

Mihir posted a comment on Tuesday 25th December 2012 2:50am

Hey, don't forget this moment from DH

When Vernon claims that there is a plot to get the house:

"Just in case you’ve forgotten," said Harry, "I’ve already got a house, my godfather left me one. So why would I want this one? All the happy memories?"

It's much funnier if you ask me!

Also, there is some potential there with the females polyjuiced as Harry ... imagine Hermione *cough* needing to go to the bathroom when she is polyjuiced as Harry ... *clears throat*

Though, i suppose Fleur wouldn't need to accompany her ... then again, she might ... Bill wouldn't be pleased!

Crys replied:


TheWickedTruth posted a comment on Monday 24th December 2012 2:36pm

Great stuff

Milarqui posted a comment on Friday 21st December 2012 1:24pm

Voldemort's expression remained impassive as he said, "Greatness inspires envy, envy engenders spite, spite spawns lies."

"Yes, yes, and pain leads to suffering. I've heard it before, Yoda wannabe."

Wish to point out that, at the time Voldemort had his interview, Star Wars wasn't even a spark in George Lucas' brain. I understand you have done it for the comedic value, but, still...

Milarqui posted a comment on Saturday 16th June 2012 10:32am

Chapter 20

Voldemort applies for a job with Headmaster Dumbledore.

Voldemort's expression remained impassive as he said, "Greatness inspires envy, envy engenders spite, spite spawns lies."

"Yes, yes, and pain leads to suffering. I've heard it before, Yoda wannabe."

Erm, I know Dumbledore's answer makes for a funny comment, but when Voldemort met with Dumbledore to apply for a job, it was the late 60s, and Star Wars wasn't even a gleam in the eye of George Lucas.

Crys replied:

Yes, I'm aware the timing doesn't work, but this whole "story" is about the comedic value.

Glad you're reading closely enough to have noticed.

Uldihaa posted a comment on Thursday 14th July 2011 2:06pm

<Chapter 20

Dumbledore and Harry in one of the "understand young Tom Riddle" lessons.

"I must quickly recount how Lord Voldemort left Hogwarts."

"Well, I'd assumed he walked out the front gates, but if you told me he skipped or sauntered, I'll have to re-evaluate my opinion of him.">

"Or maybe he slinked out? He is rather snakey. Oh! Or he strutted out, that would fit his personality; hopefully he didn't do it in high-heels. Sashayed, maybe? Considering his followers, I could see him doing that."

"Well, no he...," Dumbledore said, tying to explain.

"Wait! Wait, please don't tell me he minced! I'd never be able to fight him seriously if he minced out of Hogwarts."


Random question: And just why is it so many words for describing the way people walk start with "S", anyway?

Crys replied:


Thank you for the extension of one of them!

wordhammer posted a comment on Saturday 19th February 2011 11:37pm

This was a lot of fun! I had an alternate for your enjoyment:

Chapter 20

Dumbledore is asking if Harry has gotten the Horcrux memory from Slughorn.

"And you feel that you have exerted your very best efforts in the matter, do you? That you have exercised all of your considerable ingenuity?"

Harry's eyebrows rose in concern. "Sir, you've asked me to respect Professor Snape for his position despite how he abuses it and me, and yet you're asking me to trick the previous Head of Slytherin House and Potions Master out of a memory. Exactly what blackmail does Professor Snape hold over you?"

"You have misjudged the situation, Harry."

"Exactly. If you have a plan for me in mind, why don't you just tell me? It's not like you've got years to wait for this."

Harry gestured at the Headmaster's dessicated hand.

"Ah. Good point. Use the Felix potion."

Crys replied:


Nothing like focusing the old man on the immediate issues.

alifromnm1 posted a comment on Sunday 30th January 2011 2:45pm

I loved both of your chapters.....I needed a laugh today. I remember those comments in the book and had forgotten about what a "snarky" book it was....your comments are so much better.

Mihir posted a comment on Saturday 29th January 2011 7:11am

Nice ... how about these two for the sixth book?

1. Ginny Weasley complaining to Harry about Fleur

‘I suppose that you like the way she says "‘Arry ", do you?’ said Ginny scornfully.

‘Well, now that you mention it, I have to admit that the way Fleur says my name has a certain charm to it-‘

2. Romilda and group ask Harry to ditch Neville and Luna sit with them in their compartment

'You don't have to sit with them' she said in a stage whisper.
‘Oh I' don't know, here,’ Harry gestured at Neville with a wide sweeping motion of his hand, ‘is the bloke who looked at Bellatrix Lestrange, Voldemort’s most feared Death Eater in the eye, and spat in her face! And that was after she cast the Cruciatus Curse on him! Hell, he didn’t even make a sound when she cast the Unforgivable on him! And that,’ he gestured at Luna with the same sweeping motions looking very much like an actor in a courtroom drama, ‘is a girl who fought Jugson, Dolohov, the three Lestranges, Nott, Crabbe, Rookwood, Mulciber, Avery, Macnair and Lucius Malfoy, and came out of the whole thing without even a scratch! Why wouldn’t I want to hang out with them? Hell, the question you should be asking is, "why are they sitting with me?"’ Harry finished with a flourish, deliberately not looking at Neville’s face as it got redder and redder.
'Now you want me to sit with you lot; a gaggle of giggling prepubescent fourteen year old girls whose greatest tragedy till date has probably been a chipped nail ... I think the choice here is obvious no?'

Crys replied:

[hard blink] I really like that second one.

Thanks for the laugh.

Rage and Light posted a comment on Wednesday 26th January 2011 3:04pm

bloody brillent, so funny I almost could not stop laughing and the fact you did it with so few lines is even more impressive. well done and hope to see more soon


gadriam posted a comment on Wednesday 26th January 2011 9:12am

A wonderful display of applied "staircase wit". The things you think to say just a second too late. Wouldn't it be lovely to punch one in at the right time?

On snideness, you win. On snarkiness, she does.
Well, she's good. She wrote children's books that created this site without even trying.

Lovely read. I'll return to it whenever i need a dose of snide snark.


Natasja posted a comment on Tuesday 25th January 2011 12:39am

Ooh, I have one!

Harry took the remaining armchair, choosing not to look at the Dursleys, who seemed stunned into silence.
"I would assume that you were going to offer me refreshment," Dumbledore said to Uncle Vernon, "but the evidence so far suggests that that would be optimistic to the point of foolishness."
Aunt Petunia had finally found her voice. "Look here! You break into our house in the middle of the night, when most people are asleep, start throwing spells around, and have the nerve to lecture US about manners? Of course I'm not going to put the kettle on now, when you said that you and the boy will be gone in a few minutes, before it's even finished boiling!"

don't even like the Dursleys, but that scene always annoyed me.

HGRHfan35 posted a comment on Monday 24th January 2011 5:38am

Oh goodness, this cracked me up.
JKR did do a lot of these subtle things but not way enough!

Thanks for making my day.

Riegert8 posted a comment on Sunday 23rd January 2011 11:02pm

This a very Interesting chapter

Celevon posted a comment on Sunday 23rd January 2011 10:27pm

These snide comments are priceless! I love it!!