1001 Deaths of Lord Voldemort
One to Fifty
By Crys
Reviews
ShadeHawk posted a comment on Tuesday 7th March 2006 6:55am for One to Fifty
1002 Deaths of Lord Voldemort
Courtesy of Sluggy Freelance
*meow*
Sim posted a comment on Tuesday 7th March 2006 2:26am for One to Fifty
Noice. Everytime I check back here, they get funnier and funnier.
My Suggestions:
- Voldie gets an instant death sentance from the Fashion Police.
- Death By Chocolate!!!
- His addiction to Pop-Rocks takes a nasty turn when he drains a petrified Harry's butterbeer in The Three Broomsticks while in gloat mode.
- Before making his grand entrance into Weasly Outdoor Party (TM) completly undetected, he grabs a canary creme from the nibblies table on the way past, pops it into his mouth, turns a couner and runs into a very hungry Hippogrif.
Ack, more later... My brain hurts.
Crys replied:
A variation of your fourth bunny added to file. Thanks.
RainingFlowers posted a comment on Monday 6th March 2006 4:16am for One to Fifty
How about something to do with Voldemort trying to ambush Harry on the train, but getting the apparition just a little bit wrong, so the last thing he hears is the Hogwarts Express whistling?
Crys replied:
Bunny added to file. Thanks.
hildegunn posted a comment on Sunday 5th March 2006 9:29pm for One to Fifty
hmmm... that "else-Norway" why do you youse that as an anagram for Ron weasley?.... (I'm from Norway you see)
Crys replied:
Nothing against Norway. It was just the first anagram (jumble the letters and make new words) I came up with. Granted, I only spent about two minutes on it . . .
One of the Anonymous Reviewers gave a whole list of anagrams. Several of 'em were pretty good.
Michael Foerster posted a comment on Sunday 5th March 2006 6:50am for One to Fifty
Worth every word.
An other bunny: (something similar seen in a fic I don't remember the title or author, no plagiarism intented)
Bound to the tombstone, he was forced to follow the resurection ritual (bone - flesh - blood). But something was definitly off -- Bone of the Father -- why in the world would give that Voldemord Breasts?? The shriek Voldemord gave made it clear: "Peter ! I told you bone off Father, not the Mother!!"
Harry only one thought: He could 'accio' his broom without his wand...would this work on 'his' blood also? With all his might he concentraded and cried out: "ACCIO MY BLOOD!" -- And YES with the MOTHER's bone it worked.
As an blood-soaked Harry ported back with Cedric's body, there where some questions that even with the use of Dumbledores pensive could NOT be cleared. Namely: Was Peter realy this dumb? -- or was his life-dept as an excuse working?
Crys replied:
Variation of your bunny added to the file.
Asad posted a comment on Sunday 5th March 2006 5:44am for One to Fifty
Voldemort could be a nanny in a day care center. He would commit suicide with all the children wailing at the top of their lungs.
Ishtar posted a comment on Sunday 5th March 2006 4:33am for One to Fifty
Very nicely done! Very funny!
Here are a couple of homeless bunnies:
Given the number of stories I've read where there is a line of dialogue equivalent to: "What am I supposed to do? Go shag him to death?" I would think that option would be obvious. But probably too squicky even for you to write.
Here's another one: Voldemort has done something stupid like turn Harry into a Vampire, thinking he will be easily controlled (he don't know our boy very well, do he?). Harry, however, responds thus: "You took my blood. I want it back!" *sluuuurp!*
Crys replied:
Variation of your bunny added to the file.
FairyQilan posted a comment on Saturday 4th March 2006 8:58pm for One to Fifty
"YOU -" Kick.
"- PROMISED -" Kick.
"- ME -" Kick.
"- A -" Kick.
"- DAY -" Kick.
"- TOGETHER -" Kick.
"- FOR -" Kick.
"- OUR -" Kick.
"- ANNIVERSARY!"
Too funny
The resulting riot took three hours to break up. Voldemort's broken wand and mangled body was found the next morning, stuffed into a stadium trash receptacle
lOVE TJIS ONE TOO.
Tommy posted a comment on Friday 3rd March 2006 10:33pm for One to Fifty
Hey! Another idea just innocently sprang up, and got bigger than I thought... just thought I might share it with you! :P This is probably not the place to send it, but seein as I don't know your email (more like didn't bother to search for it), this'll have to do. Enjoy! :P
Voldemort did NOT have a good day. His heavily planned mission had started this dull monday morning by apparating with a dozen of his death-eaters into one of the tallest buildings he could find in America; also one of the most well-known. He figured that if he was to spread terror through other countries, then it had to be done by ruining something those blasted muggles loved so much.
And here he was, trying to walk through the lobby, his red contact-lenses on and his most pale-coloured makeup adorned, trying to scare people. He sputtered at the memory alone; they had DARED to LAUGH at HIM! HIM, LORD VOLDEMORT. And he had told them so, and their laughing hysterics had for a moment sent the all-feared Dark Lord down the thought-path of whether or not they would laugh themselves to death. Then if that wasn’t enough, one of his death-eaters had started to fire killing-curses all over (Crabbe, the dull idiot, of course); not only did he miss EVERY time, but the squeaking of the one of the baggage-lorries had sent the death-eater into a panic of being ambushed from behind; while he had always liked to imagine cruel ways to kill people, even he had winced as the blowed-up baggage-lorry was laying several metres away, and the silverware in one of the closest suitcases imbedded in Crabbe’s unintelligent pathetic mind. You simply did not throw a killing curse at point-blank range, especially not with the explosive effect it sometimes had on non-living entities.
Goyle of course, practically sharing a brain with his mind-less friend, had gone into shock at seeing his companion dead, and attacked the closest muggle he could find… or what he thought to be a muggle, anyway. Avery had complained about being sweaty all the way until they got here, and had now undressed from the black death-eater winter coat; how in the world the fool managed to take the wrong coat he didn’t know, and now never would. Goyle, seeing someone not in death-eater suit, had attacked, tripped, rolled, stumbled to his legs and crashed into Avery, sending the two of them through the closest glass-window and into a fountain placed below. Avery had no chance of survival as he drowned with the big clown on top of him, and Goyle’s cries of ‘can’t swim’ in a 40 centimetre high water-fountain left him in panic, before he hit his head on the stone-figure in the middle, effectively falling unconscious with his face under water. He drowned too.
All in the space of a minute.
Lucius, getting really angry, had then promised revenge for his two mindless drones, and had pulled all of his power (as much as he managed, anyway) into the deadly green curse, and sent it towards one of the muggles… standing 50 METRES away!!!! Of course the bloody muggle managed to duck! — Knowing his luck, Voldemort had closes his eyes, hoping for the best… as one of the structures holding the roof up exploded at the impact with the killing curse. The second floor soon collapsed onto them.
Voldemort and Bellatrix, having second thoughts about dying, had run for the closest thing to an exit they could find. Blowing the door up, he had shoved Bellatrix through first with a "lady’s first" comment; just to show his loyalty to his death-eaters of course.
… it took five seconds before the ‘donk’ had reached Voldy’s ears, as he gazed into the abyss of the elevator shaft (and it ‘gazed back at him’ ;), before turning and running up the stairs beside the now-ruined steel door.
He had survived!
Taking the elevator from the third floor and up he figured he needed some time to think, and plan on how to recruit some more intelligent fellows for his little club… When he stepped out of the elevator close to the top, he barely acknowledged the big bird he could see in the distance (‘there are probably a lot of bird species I’ve never seen’). Voldy sighed, before grabbing a bottle of liquor from the closest desk, downing it quickly.
… The date was the 11th of September.
Voldemort was never seen again.
Tommy L.
aka
Fanfix
Nanio posted a comment on Friday 3rd March 2006 5:59pm for One to Fifty
It was funny and a few were incredibly ironic, which is what I think you were aiming for. I like it.
One bunny you can use is Bondage gone wrong. Tie Voldemort up, gag him, and have Lucius with a whip and tight leather when Order members and Harry baarge in and give them a beatdown.
Goyana posted a comment on Friday 3rd March 2006 3:57pm for One to Fifty
Lmao, those were funny. Im sick and these made me laugh, which hurt, but still funny.
I suggest the following:
Voldie is killed by a Michael Jackson Picture.
Gets killed by the Powerpuff Girls
Mistaken for a snake by a Muggle Hunter.
Killed by some Black Gang
Killed by a Molly Weasly Hug
Mistaken by Bush for an Arab.
Allergic reaction to Bird poop.
Accidently landed on by a Ski Jumper.
Accidently apparates into space
Eaten by a Dinosaur, or stepped on.
Terry Swain posted a comment on Friday 3rd March 2006 1:40pm for One to Fifty
Great little fic-lits. here's one: Voldemort and his deatheaters show up in london right in front of a couple street racers and get mowed down. :)
Meteoricshipyards posted a comment on Friday 3rd March 2006 3:48am for One to Fifty
I thought you wanted bunnies, not full fledged scenes. Here's a scene:
"You cannot escape, Potter! You have no wand! No portkey! No floo powder! No friends! No way to get through my anti-apportation wards! This is your final moment!" The nose-less fiend gloated. He won! This was it! Potter cowered against the wall of his cottage.
Suddenly the door opened and a skinny blond stepped in. She had no wand, so the Dark Lord didn't kill her immediately.
"Harry! Guess what!"
"Not now Luna, I'm about to be killed."
"Harry, this is important. I found a Crumpled Horn Snorkack!"
"That's great Luna, but this really isn't the time for it."
"You're right. We have almost no time." She rushed over to Harry, ignoring the Dark Lord.
"Girl, get away from him, unless you want to die too."
Noticing the Dark Lord for the first time, Luna said, "Oh, hi! You don't want to stand there, you know."
"No one tells the Dark Lord where to stand! Now you both die! Avada Kaaaaaa!"
Voldemorts spell was lost as the wall of the cottage collapsed on him. Luna quickly got Harry out of the building before the rest of it fell. Harry stood next to luna looking at the twelve meter tall, vaguely deer like animal.
"So that's why they call it "Crumple Horned"," he said, looking at it's head.
Crys replied:
Thanks. Scene added to the file.
hedwig_edwiges posted a comment on Thursday 2nd March 2006 9:37pm for One to Fifty
I'm glad you approved of my shallow idea! And it was funny. I would never be capable to do it myself. But I confess that I thought that the running fans were better. But you're the good author here, so! Thanks again, for using my idea and for the good stories you keep present us.
James Rayner posted a comment on Thursday 2nd March 2006 4:59pm for One to Fifty
loved it do more.
Fate posted a comment on Thursday 2nd March 2006 3:51pm for One to Fifty
*cackles helplessly and falls off her chair*
Go Knight Bus!
Go Dobby!
Go Luna!
Go Veela Draco!!
*Continues to cackle*
Malaskor posted a comment on Thursday 2nd March 2006 2:09pm for One to Fifty
Muahahahahaha... funny stuff :)
Hmmmm... how about death by falling anvil or piano or safe? (Harry saw too many cartoons shortly before fighting Voldy)
Vasey posted a comment on Thursday 2nd March 2006 9:56am for One to Fifty
Ahahahaha! Behold, the power of football hooligans!
Puck1 posted a comment on Thursday 2nd March 2006 7:13am for One to Fifty
Very funny. Are you going to continue? If so, here are more ideas: Voldermort dying because of a forced marriage with Umbridge, Voldermort being stuck in a room with said toad, and Voldermort being forced into a menege-a-troi with Umbridge and Filch.
Crys replied:
I'm really worried about your mental state, Puck. Coming up with stuff like this . . . ;)
Ken Warner posted a comment on Tuesday 7th March 2006 10:20am for One to Fifty