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Snide Comments
Books 1 through 5

By Crys

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Sorcerer's Stone, Chapter 9

Harry has insulted Malfoy, insinuating that Malfoy won't take anyone on without Crabbe and Goyle in attendance.

"I'd take you on anytime on my own," said Malfoy. "Tonight if you want. Wizard's duel. Wands only – no contact. What's the matter? Never heard of a wizard's duel before, I suppose?"

Ron wheeled around, about to respond, but Harry spoke first. "No, actually I haven't," he replied nonchalantly. "The fact that I'm Muggle-raised has clearly eluded your miniscule comprehension."


Sorcerer's Stone, Chapter 9

Malfoy has challenged Harry to a wizard's duel.

"What's the matter? Never heard of a wizard's duel before, I suppose?"

"Of course he has," said Ron, wheeling around. "I'm his second, who's yours?"

Malfoy looked at Crabbe and Goyle, sizing them up.

"Crabbe," he said.

"He's the one who can count to twenty, then?" Harry asked casually.

"But only if his socks are off," Ron added. Malfoy fumed. Crabbe glowered.

"Actually, he can probably count to twenty-one," Harry mused.

Ron looked at him, one eyebrow raised in query.

"Of course, he has to be wearing even less than that to get up to twenty-ONE," Harry finished, lightly emphasizing the last word.

"Uh . . ." Goyle said.


Chamber of Secrets, Chapter 4

In Flourish and Blotts, Lockhart has just insisted on an impromptu photo shoot with Harry.

"Famous Harry Potter," said Malfoy. "Can't even go into a bookshop without making the front page."

"Believe it or not, Malfoy, I really don't want or seek the notoriety. I'd much rather be a non-entity like you are."


Chamber of Secrets, Chapter 6

Colin Creevey just asked Harry if they could take a joint photo and then if Harry could sign it.

"Signed photos? You're giving out signed photos, Potter?"

"Was that a note of excitement in your voice, Malfoy?" Ron asked. "Have you been thinking about this? Are you just hoping you'll be first in line?"


Chamber of Secrets, Chapter 13

Malfoy has picked up Riddle's diary that Harry dropped when the Cupid-dwarf tackled him.

"Hand it over, Malfoy," Percy said sternly.

"When I've had a look," said Malfoy, waving the diary tauntingly at Harry.

"On second thought, you can keep it." Harry enjoyed the look of momentary confusion plastered on Malfoy's face before continuing. "Really, feel free to keep it, Malfoy." He moved closer to the other boy and dropped his voice until only Malfoy could possibly hear him. "Besides, you'll never break through the charms that Hermione and I put on it." Stepping back and smiling widely, he spoke up, "Do enjoy your new diary, Malfoy."


Chamber of Secrets, Chapter 15

Malfoy is bragging that his father got Dumbledore sacked after the Chamber of Secrets got opened.

"McGonagall won't last long, she's only filling in . . ."

"Daddy going to bring trumped up charges against her, too?" Ron asked loudly.


Chamber of Secrets, Chapter 15

Malfoy is suggesting to Snape that he apply for the Headmaster position.

"I'll expect you'd have Father's vote, sir, if you wanted to apply for the job – I'll tell Father you're the best teacher here, sir -"

"An opinion no doubt shared by every Slytherin," Ron muttered to Harry.

"And no-one else," Harry agreed.


Chamber of Secrets, Chapter 15

Malfoy is commenting on the terror the opened Chamber of Secrets is causing.

"I'm quite surprised the Mudbloods haven't all packed their bags by now," Malfoy went on. "Bet you five Galleons the next one dies. Pity it wasn't Granger -"

Fighting down his explosive anger, Ron responded, "Of course you wish Hermione would die. That's the only way your class ranking will ever get above the 'Mudblood's', after all."


Prisoner of Azkaban, Chapter 6

Malfoy is entertaining the Slytherin table by re-enacting Harry's fainting from the dementor's search of the Hogwart's Express.

As they passed, Malfoy did a ridiculous impression of a swooning fit and there was a roar of laughter.

"You doing re-enactment of the first time your father saw you?" Ron asked.

"No, no, that's the scene when his mother first met his father," Hermione corrected.

Ron shook his head solemnly. "No, that scene would have involved hysterical shrieking and vomiting."


Prisoner of Azkaban, Chapter 6

Hagrid thinks the Monster Book of Monsters is funny.

"Oh, tremendously funny!" said Malfoy. "Really witty, giving us books that try and rip our hands off!"

"Pity it didn't work in your case, Malfoy," Harry answered. "It might even have improved your Seeker skills."


Prisoner of Azkaban, Chapter 6

Malfoy is commenting on Hagrid teaching.

"God, this place is going to the dogs," said Malfoy loudly.

"Then you'll fit right in, won't you?" Hermione asked calmly.


Prisoner of Azkaban, Chapter 6

Malfoy is commenting on Hagrid teaching.

"That oaf teaching classes, my father'll have a fit when I tell him -"

Giving a falsely bright smile, Harry said, "Why, what a wonderful thought, Malfoy!" As all of his fellow Gryffindors were looking at him in horrified amazement, Harry frowned in thought. "But why think small, Malfoy? Wouldn't it be so much better if he had a massive coronary rather than just a little fit?"


Prisoner of Azkaban, Chapter 7

Malfoy is goading Harry about Sirius's apparent stalking of Harry.

Malfoy's thin mouth was curving in a mean smile.

"Of course, if it was me," he said quietly, "I'd have done something before now. I wouldn't be staying in school like a good boy, I'd be out there looking for him."

"What are you talking about, Malfoy?" said Ron roughly.

"Well," Hermione said without looking up from helping Neville save his Shrinking Solution, "I can see one of four possibilities of what Malfoy is talking about. One, he's a raving psychotic who would enjoy hunting escaped murderers. Two, he's withholding some piece of information in a pathetic attempt to inflate his own sense of self-worth. Three, he's a liar and is making the whole thing up. Four, he's trying to goad Harry into acting rashly in an attempt to get him injured or killed." She turned to Malfoy and smiled sweetly at him. "Which one or more of those choices is it?"


Goblet of Fire, Chapter 11

On the Hogwarts Express, Malfoy is lamenting that he isn't going to Durmstrang Institute.

"Father says Durmstrang takes a far more sensible line than Hogwarts about the Dark Arts. Durmstrang students actually learn them, not just the defense rubbish we do . . ."

As Hermione was shutting the compartment door on Malfoy's voice, Harry commented, "You know, that sounds just too convenient, doesn't it? Durmstrang is teaching its students how to be Death Eaters, but not how to defend themselves from Death Eaters?"


Goblet of Fire, Chapter 11

Malfoy just joined the Trio in the Hogwarts Express on the way to school.

"Weasley . . . what is that?" said Malfoy, pointing at Pigwidgeon's cage. A sleeve of Ron's dress robes was dangling from it, swaying with the motion of the train, the moldy lace cuff very obvious.

Hermione stood up, interrupting Ron's half-formed plan for stuffing the second-hand dress robes out of sight. She walked over to the cage and made a grand presentation out of studying it. She turned back to Malfoy and spoke as if to a slow five year-old. "This is an owl, Malfoy. Member of the avian family. Typically used by the wizarding population to deliver post." She paused and cocked her head before finishing in a soft, kind voice. "Did you understand all of that, or should I try again with shorter words?"


Goblet of Fire, Chapter 11

Malfoy knows about the Tri-Wizard Tournament, and is tormenting the Trio with his knowledge.

"Don't tell me you don't know?" he said delightedly. "You've got a father and brother at the Ministry and you don't even know? My God, my father told me about it ages ago . . . heard it from Cornelius Fudge. But then, Father's always associated with the top people at the Ministry . . . Maybe your father's too junior to know about it Weasley . . . yes . . . they probably don't talk about important stuff in front of him . . ."

Hermione spoke up, "Or, more likely, Mister Weasley takes his secrecy oath more seriously than your father does, Malfoy." She turned to Harry and continued, "It certainly appears that Arthur Weasley does more to maintain his family name and honor than does Lucius Malfoy, doesn't it?


Goblet of Fire, Chapter 13

Malfoy dislikes the Blast-Ended Skewts.

"Well, I can certainly see why we're trying to keep them alive," said Malfoy sarcastically. "Who wouldn't want pets that can burn, sting, and bite all at once?"

"I'm glad you feel that way, Draco," Harry said cheerfully, drawing confused looks from everyone within earshot. "I've got a dozen of them for you for your birthday."


Goblet of Fire, Chapter 31

The Slytherins are tormenting Harry after Skeeter's article the morning of the third task.

Over at the Slytherin table, Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle were laughing at him, tapping their heads with their fingers, pulling grotesquely mad faces, and waggling their tongues like snakes.

Grinning slightly, Harry nodded his head toward their table. "Take a look at that. Those three look like they're finally relaxing and starting to act naturally."


Order of the Phoenix, Chapter 4

Harry has been ranting at Ron and Hermione just after arriving at the Order's Headquarters.

The door opened and a long mane of red hair appeared.

"Oh hello, Harry!" said Ron's younger sister, Ginny, brightly. "I thought I heard your voice."

Ron whispered to his sister, "No, actually that was his thundering tirade."


Order of the Phoenix, Chapter 10

Draco is a prefect but Harry isn't.

"Tell me, how does it feel being second-best to Weasley, Potter?" he asked.

"Not bad at all, actually," Harry said cheerfully. He turned his head slightly. "Tell me, Crabbe, how does it feel being fifty-third behind . . . well, everyone?"


Order of the Phoenix, Chapter 12

Hermione is trying to shut down George and Fred's testing of Skiving Snackboxes on first-years.

"Says who?" said George, looking astonished.

"Says me," said Hermione. "And Ron."

"Leave me out of it," said Ron hastily.

Fred turned to his twin brother. "Proof positive that Hermione has bigger balls than our own Ickle-Ronniekins."


Order of the Phoenix, Chapter 15

Hermione is reading the Daily Prophet article explaining how Dolores Umbridge was appointed to the DADA post.

"'That's how Dolores Umbridge came to be appointed to the teaching staff at Hogwarts,' said [Percy] Weasley last night. 'Dumbledore couldn't find anyone, so the Minister put in Umbridge and of course, she's been an immediate success –'"

"She's been a WHAT?" said Harry loudly.

"By what measure?" demanded Ron. "According to the Snape Loathing Scale?"


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