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1001 Deaths of Lord Voldemort
Two Hundred and One to Two Hundred and Fifty

By Crys

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Author Notes:

As always, still adding scenes as ideas are sent to me.

Fair warning: From here forward there are HP&tDH spoilers.

7 Aug

201. "Original Bunny by Crys"

"- so when Voldemort -"

"Will you stop saying his name?" Ron growled with a wince.

Harry sighed.   "Are you still on about that?   Look, it's not like my uttering a word can be detected."

"Actually, it can," Hermione said, head still down, poring over an old tome.

Harry blinked incredulously at her.   "You're kidding."

She looked up from Spells for Surveillance.   "Nope.   The Taboo Word Spell.   Though it's more like a ritual.   It alerts the caster when anyone in a given radius speaks a certain word."

"So, for instance, if I could get the entire Order to join me and attack Vold -"   Harry rolled his eyes as Ron hissed out a warning.   "Tom Riddle the next time he says 'Nagini' in Parseltongue?"

Hermione realized the plan just as Ron's jaw dropped open at the wicked grin on Harry's face.

202. Scene submitted by Eric Oppen.   Reproduced with minor modifications

Lord Voldemort cowered in a corner.

He had thought killing Harry Potter would make him win.

All he had done, he found out too late, was to make Hermione Granger very, very angry.

As he gibbered in a corner, Dolores Umbridge appeared, stark naked, and reeking of enough Love Potion to stop an army. She took one look at him, squeed loudly, and attacked.

203. Bunny by Musings of Apathy

Ginny found Harry standing in the strangely empty owlery.   "What're you smirking at?"

"Hmm?   Oh, I figured out the power he knew not."

Her eyes widened.   "What?   What is it?"


She blinked rapidly for a moment.   "Huh?"

"I just sent him a hundred Howlers, all timed to arrive at the same time.   I figure if the sound doesn't kill him, being buried in envelopes when they all explode will do the trick."

204. Scene by Minerva Granger.   Reproduced with no modifications.   Inspired by Kinsfire's Death of a Hero

Voldemort's last thought before the toxic fumes overwhelmed him was disgust at the betrayal of one of his most faithful lieutenants.

Severus Snape, minutes earlier, had walked into the crowded room, asked for everyone's attention, and simply informed the Dark Lord: "Bite me, I quit!" before dropping a large bag of dungbombs. Snape, having had the sense to wear a muggle gas-mask, escaped in the confusion of the toxic fumes. Apparently there were no other survivors.

205. Bunny by Killer07's little brother.   Must be a genetic thing.

"I don't care how much of this cursed forest you must raze, the ritual circle must be exactly three hundred and thirty-three feet in radius!"

Voldemort should've realized that there were several things in the forest that wouldn't take kindly to the destruction.   No, the centaurs, acromantulas, and occasional giant weren't the biggest threats to wizards.

It was the colony of ents that nobody knew about.

7 Aug

15 Aug

206. Bunny by Gullwhacker

Harry stood on the Hogwarts battlements, looking upward at the large, bright object in the sky.   His face was surprisingly peaceful.   Hermione stood beside him, looking sadly up at the same thing.

"You know, it's strange," he said.   "I thought I'd be more upset by this, but I'm not."

Hermione looked at him incredulously.   "Harry, that comet is going to destroy the planet."

He nodded.   "Yes, but this way, I know Voldy won't win."

207. Another bunny by Gullwhacker

Tom Riddle pored over the dark and dusty book at three in the morning, knowing that he would be safe from librarians and caretakers at that hour of the morning.   The more he read of the Sumerian Power-Enhancing Ritual, the more he was convinced that it was just the kind of thing that he wanted.   Deciding to keep the information to himself, he tore the page out of the book.

That particular book in the Restricted Section was perfectly capable (and willing) to tear back.

208. Another bunny by Gullwhacker

Voldemort studied the thick, green liquid in the vial.   His plan to infiltrate the Order of the Phoenix was ingenious.   He drank the potion, waited the required minute, then walked toward the edge of the Anti-Apparition Wards.

The Death Eaters at headquarters were amazed to find Harry Potter walking through their base.   As one, they all raised wands and cursed their Lord's arch nemesis.

209. Scene by FenrisWolf.   Reproduced here without modification.

Harry Potter was not having a good day.

Upon returning to Number 4 Privet Drive for his last summer, he was shocked when the bane of his youth, Dudley, apologized for years of abuse. What's more, he hoped Harry managed to defeat that Lord Whatsit who was after him.

Being the trusting fellow he was, Harry accepted Dudley's apology at face value, not understanding just how much low cunning occupied his cousin's piggy brain. So when Dudley asked him a favor the next evening, he happily agreed. After stuffing the packet Dudley asked him to deliver into his shirt pocket and checking to see the coast was clear, Harry summoned the Knight Bus for a trip to London, little knowing he'd been tricked into acting as a drug courier for Dudley's gang.

Upon exiting the Knight Bus Harry strode quickly down the street, traveling deeper into a disreputable part of the city as he hunted for the correct address. Suddenly there were a series of loud pops as a dozen Death Eaters, led by Voldemort himself, Apparated around him. A flurry of hexes and curses ended the only way it could, with Harry pinned to the ground, lying on his stomach while Voldemort's booted foot pressed into his back.

"And so it ends, Potter," Voldemort hissed as around him his minions engaged in sycophantic laughter. "The Boy Who Lived, face down in the dirt, defeated, alone, defenseless. So, do you have any last words for posterity before I end your pathetic life?"

As the Dark Lord asked his rhetorical question he bore down with his foot on Harry's back, inadvertently crushing the six dozen ampoules of amyl nitrate in Harry's shirt pocket, filling the teen's head with a seventy-two-fold overdose of the powerful heart stimulant.

For a muggle it would've been a fatal dose; most wizards wouldn't have fared much better, but Harry's powerful magic took the stimulant and ran with it. With a roar a figure that only lacked emerald green skin to match an American muggle comic book character reared up from the ground, sending Voldemort tumbling. Harry bellowed with rage and fell on the panicked Death Eaters, and in seconds reduced the entire contingent including Voldemort into a broken, bleeding, giant fleshy Gordian's Knot.

As Harry stalked off, still puffing and snarling under the effects of the drug, Voldemort had one last thought as his life faded. 'Lord God, that was the meanest Half-blood I ever picked on!'

210. Scene by slickrcbd.   Reproduced here with minor modifications.

Tom Riddle stood between the high pillars in the Chamber of Secrets and looked up into the stone face of Slytherin, high above him in the half-darkness. Riddle opened his mouth wide and hissed, "Speak to me, Slytherin, greatest of the Hogwarts Four."

Slytherin's gigantic stone mouth began to open, and something began stirring inside the statue's mouth. Something was slithering up from its depths.

An enormous, bright, poisonous green serpent hit the stone floor with a huge shudder, and spoke, "Filthy half-blood, you dare to presume to command me? I shall cleanse the noble and pure Slytherin line of your muggle taint!"

211. After the Ent / Ant confusion in the last update, several people suggested magical ants.   Patches, Evan Mayerle, and Headology.

En masse, the Death Eaters Portkeyed into the Forbidden Forest.

All of the Death Eaters ignored the first few insect bites as they raised Anti-Apparition and Anti-Portkey Wards.

After Voldemort saw the fifth follower smack his leg to dislodge a biting bug, he looked more closely at the ground.

It was moving as billions of small, black ants marched along.

All of his followers were shouting by this time, fighting what looked like flowing black oil as it moved up their legs.

They had appeared directly in the path of a swarm of magically-resistant army ants.

212. Scene by Pwn Master Paladin.   Reproduced here with minor modifications.

Harry panted as he ran through the Department of Mysteries. He had come to check on the room that Dumbledore had told him of. The room where the force of love was put to study. Unfortunately, Tom had gotten wind of his plans, and had appeared to battle Harry.

So once again, he found himself in the Death Chamber. The Veil still fluttered in its non-existent breeze, and Harry couldn't help but think of Sirius as he fell through.

He blinked.   Wait a second.

Harry repositioned himself, and when Voldemort came into the room after him, Harry grinned at him.

From the opposite side of the Veil.

"Accio Tom Marvolo Riddle!

213. Bunny by Evan Mayerle



Curses flew back and forth between the Order and the Death Eaters.  The two forces had met in an abandoned, man-made cave and immediately the curses started flying.

Suddenly, Harry grinned.   His shouted command for emergency retreat drew more than a few confused looks, but the Order obediently triggered their evacuation Portkeys.

Finally, Harry stood alone against the assembled Death Eaters, dust filling the air.

"Why stop the fight, Potter?   Do you recognize the futility of fighting me and wish to join my ranks?" Voldemort asked.

"Hardly.   It was just that I recognized something.   Bye, guys.   Incendio. Activate."   As his Portkey pulled him away, Harry knew the Flame Spell would do the trick.

They had all been standing in a cloud of coal dust, after all.

214. Bunny by Steven Arntz.

Voldemort stood on the small boat his Death Eaters had stolen, traversing the Atlantic to a small island rumored to contain a magical artifact.

For reasons known only to the fish, a swordfish chose that exact time and location to jump out of the water.

Voldemort was impaled and died when his heart was destroyed by the long protrusion on the flopping fish.

215. Scene by Lady Siren.   Reproduced here with minor modifications.

A young Tom Riddle stood in front of a sink in a girl's bathroom, smirking. After two years of searching, he had finally found the entrance to the Chamber of Secrets!

Hissing the phrase that would open the portal, he came face to face with a huge basilisk. Though parselmouths were immune to a basilisk's glare, they were far from immune to the poison the King of Serpents carried in its bite.

Moments later, the Heir of Slytherin was slowly digesting in the snake's stomach as it slithered back into its lair.

There to meet it was a smirking young man with striking emerald eyes, messy black hair, and a lightning bolt scar gracing his forehead. He stroked the huge snake as it began to coil around him and chuckled. Sometimes, Neville's potions accidents could have unexpected high points.

216. Bunny by HermanTumbleweed

Wormtail looked at the huge vat of chocolate curiously before shrugging.   Various Death Eaters occasionally donated foodstuffs to the Cause.   Who was he to question it?   Especially as the primary cook, it looked good for him when he could provide variety in the food provided.

That evening, the Death Eaters and Voldemort all enjoyed a chocolate fondue and slabs of chocolate for their pudding.   None detected the WWW brand Long Lasting Laxative was mixed in with some of Honeyduke's chocolate.

Within a week, they had all died of dehydration and malnutrition compounded by the odor in the headquarters.

217. Scene by dzio.   Reproduced here with minor modifications.

Voldemort activated a long-distance Portkey. A few seconds later he found himself standing in the middle of a dimly lit corridor of an agency of the Muggle American government. Snarling at the disgusting mundaneness of his surroundings, he headed down the hall in his search for the information his sources told him was stored in this facility.

"Freeze!" shouted several voices behind him. Voldemort laughed and turned around to dispatch the Muggle fools who dared to interrupt him. He found himself staring at the business ends of a dozen guns. Laughing again, he reached for his wand. F.B.I. agents interpreted his move (quite correctly) as a hostile action and pulled the triggers.

"What the hell is that?" murmured one of the agents after turning the body face-up with his foot. "Mulder, one of your little green men?" he asked with a chuckle.

Fox Mulder looked down at a snake-like face and lifeless red eyes.   "Grey. They are grey," he said blandly.

218. Another scene by dzio.   Reproduced here with minor modifications.

The final battle was raging and many had fallen on both sides. Voldemort strolled through the carnage and admired his army's work. Finally he found himself standing face to face with the Boy-Who-Lived. At last! He would be rid of the little pest once and for all.

Next to the blasted Potter boy stood a young girl with a strand of shining white among her long, black hair.

"Hello," said Potter calmly. "I would like to introduce you to a friend of mine. Marie, this is Tom. Tom, meet Marie."

The girl took a step towards the confused Dark Lord and extended her hand politely. Dumbfounded, Voldemort took it.

It was a mistake to touch Rogue.

15 Aug

24 Aug

219. Scene by slickrcbd.   Reproduced here with minor modifications.

Harry crouched behind the headstone and knew the end had come.  There was no hope, no help to be had.  As he heard Voldemort draw nearer still, he knew one thing only, and it was beyond fear or reason: He was not going to die crouching here like a child playing hide-and-seek.  He was not going to die kneeling at Voldemort's feet.   He was going to die upright like his father, and he was going to die trying to defend himself, even if no defense was possible.

Before Voldemort could stick his snakelike face around the headstone, Harry stood up.   He gripped his wand tightly in his hand, thrust it out in front of him, and threw himself around the headstone, facing Voldemort.

Voldemort was ready. As Harry shouted, "Expelliarmus!" Voldemort cried, "Avada Kedavra!"

A jet of green light issued from Voldemort's wand just as a jet of red light blasted from Harry's

As they passed each other in mid flight, Harry tried to jump out of the way. He almost succeeded, but the jet of green light clipped his left hand . . . and bounced off, leaving another lightning bolt-shaped scar. The rebounded killing curse struck Voldemort, who was once again vanquished at the hand of the other.

220. "Original Bunny by Crys"

Tom Riddle slid down the tube toward the Chamber of Secrets, bored with the many trips he'd made over the past year.

Not paying attention, he'd gotten twisted around in the slimy tube.

Reaching the bottom, he landed on his head, resulting in a sickening crackle.

221. Bunny by Evan Mayerle

Voldemort stared in inarticulate confusion as what looked like an intricate, insectoid shaped, mottled brown space suite glided into his throne room.

With background hisses, clicks, and tones, a speaker on the figure's suit came to life.   "Who are you?"

"I am Lord Voldemort."

"Incorrect.   Who are you?"

"How dare you question me then call me a liar!"   Voldemort drew his wand.   "Avada Kedavra."

Voldemort had never seen a Vorlon before, and therefore didn't realize that it was a truly bad idea to attack one.

222. Bunny by Evan Mayerle

A non-descript, black-haired man with a subtle but undeniable air of menace about him smiled softly at Voldemort.   "What is it that you want?"

"I want immortality and to rule the world," Voldemort answered immediately.

"My associates can arrange the second, but I'm afraid the first is impossible for your . . . er, species."

Voldemort glowered.   "It is said that you can grant anyone's wish.   You will give me immortality."

"My apologies, but that is simply not possible."   The man was utterly unafraid of the dark expression on Voldemort's face.

"You will give me what I want, or I will kill you."   Voldemort drew his wand.   "Avada Kedavra."

A five foot tall, spider-like form appeared as if from under a Disillusionment Charm and absorbed the Killing Curse before attacking the Dark Lord.

The Shadows didn't take kindly to someone attacking their representative.

223. Bunny by Gullwhacker

Harry stared at the scene in shock.   Moments ago, Neville had had the Sorting Hat stuffed on his head then set afire.   Then . . . this.

Decapitated Death Eaters as far as the eye could see.   And Voldemort laying on the ground in seven separate pieces.

Neville removed the Sorting Hat and calmly extinguished himself before cancelling the Flame Freezing Charm.   "Come on, Harry!   You weren't doing anything, so I just," he shrugged and grinned, "kept going."

224.   Bunny by Gullwhacker

When Harry had started casting a spell, Voldemort had initially begun casting a shield.   He stopped, though, when he recognized the spell that Harry was casting.   Instead, the dark lord simply watched in mounting incredulity as Harry Potter continued the long incantation.

When the young man finished the spell, Voldemort threw his head back and laughed.   "Do you know what that spell was you just cast, Potter?"

"It's a Suicide Spell," Harry answered calmly.

"Recognize the futility of fighting me, do you?   Wanting to get out before watching all your friends die?"

"Not at all.   That particular spell calls the Grim Reaper to collect your soul."

Voldemort nodded, having recognized the spell from his research.   "You have less than a minute.   Any last words?"

Harry grinned at him.   He tapped his scar.   "We share a soul, Tommy."   He reached into his pack and extracted his Invisibility Cloak, one of the three Hallows.   "And unlike you, I can hide from even him."

225. Bunny by Pwn Master Paladin

Voldemort broke into Dumbledore's tomb to claim the Elder Wand.

Fact: The Master of the Elder Wand was Harry James Potter.

Fact: Tom Marvolo Riddle wished harm upon Harry James Potter.

Fact: The Elder Wand "knew" both of these facts.  

Fact: The Elder Wand had the ability to defend itself.  

Fact: The Elder Wand was created as an unbeatable weapon.

226. Bunny by Killer07

Harry Potter, fourth year student and unwilling competitor in the Tri-Wizard tournament, looked warily at the dragon.   Frowning, Harry turned and marched over toward the judge's stand.

"What are you doing, boy?   You must get the egg," Igor Karkaroff said.

Harry ignored him.   "The contract states that whoever puts their own name into the Goblet is obligated to participate, right?" Harry demanded of Dumbledore and Crouch, Senior.

Both older men, confused by Harry's actions, simply nodded.

Harry sat down on the ground.   "Fine.   I didn't put my name in.   I refuse."

The judges stared at him.   The audience was getting restless.

"Harry," Dumbledore slowly said, "if you did put your name in, refusing to participate will forfeit your life and magic."

Harry shrugged.   "I didn't," he repeated.

An hour later, it was clear that Harry was still alive and still a wizard.

The teaching staff found a dead Barty Crouch, Junior in the D.A.D.A. classroom.

Magic itself enforced the same sentence upon the one who gave the order.

227. Bunny by Gullwhacker

Harry walked calmly back toward his standing friends.

All the purebloods were looking at him in utter confusion.   The muggle-born and half bloods were staring in awe.

"Was that the Vulcan Death Grip?" Dean asked slowly.

"Don't you mean the Vulcan Neck Pinch?" Justin asked.

Dean shook his head.   "The Neck Pinch was used all the time.   It just knocks the opponent unconscious.   No, the Death Grip was used in only one episode."

"But it doesn't exist!" Hermione objected.   "It's just fiction!"

Harry turned to look at Voldemort's body.   Then he turned back to Hermione and raised one eyebrow.   "Fascinating."

24 Aug

19 Sep

228. Scene by Ishtar.   Reproduced here without modification.

In a first-year girls' dorm at Hogwarts, a lonely child, far from home and family, poured out her heart and soul into the old diary she had found on the ground in Diagon Alley. She told it all her secret dreams and desires, her hopes and fears and aspirations. Inside the diary, a spirit — no more than a memory with a bit of soul attached to it — quivered and quailed, overwhelmed by darkness and depravity it had never dreamed of, in all its sixteen years of mortal existence and the years of isolation since then. Finally, with a wail of terror, the spirit tore itself free from the bindings holding it to its physical container and flung itself into the void. Whatever existed in the afterlife had to be better than this!

Wednesday Addams was somewhat startled - and quite entertained - when her diary suddenly flooded its pages with black ink and then burst into flames.

229. Another bunny by Killer07

Voldemort studied the chess board.

"Are we nearly through this confounded game yet, My Lord?" Quirrell timidly asked.

"Shut up, fool."

Two moves pass.   Much as he despised the Transfiguration Professor, he had to admire her skill in making the animated pieces a worthy opponent.   Move that pawn forward?   Maybe the bishop?   I want to move the knight, but -

"Master?" Quirrell asked yet again.

"Shut up, fool!" Voldemort yelled.   "Knight to queen five," he grumbled next, frustration pouring in on him from every quarter.

After his knight moved, he watched as the opposing bishop moved across the board, bringing its weapon to bear.

It was only on the animated statue's downswing that he realized just how costly Quirrell's distraction was.   The opposing bishop was swinging to connect to the back of Quirrell's head.

230. Bunny by Tildessmoo


"Yes, Harry?"

"I read your quote to the paper on how you killed Tom.   But you also know the prophecy.   How . . ."

She smiled.   "Let's take it a piece at a time.   Seventh month?   Well, July is the seventh month on the Gregorian calendar, but that isn't the only one in the world, just the most popular.   Early Roman calendars had September as the seventh month.   The word 'sept' is a variation on seventh, after all.

"Mark me as his equal?   Professor Snape has relayed that Riddle respected my research skills.   It may not be much, but there it is.

"Have a power the Dark Lord does not?   Harry, as much as I may love you, I can't say that any male understands any female.

"Parents thrice defied him?   That one is a bit trickier, but I asked my mum and dad.   Seems that Dad's parents owned a dental practice in a poor neighborhood in the forties.   Dad visited the same day as a group from an orphanage.   He doesn't remember it all that well, but he remembers getting into a fight with one of the older boys.   He well could have said, 'No!' three times."

Harry blinked rapidly as he took this all in.   "But the entire prophecy refers to the Chosen One as male."

She laughed.   "Of all the things to worry about, it's that?   No, the only thing I can figure on that one is that either Trelawney is wrong or that it was a generic 'him'."

She grinned impishly.   "No, Harry, I'm very much female.   If you're a good boy, I may let you check after the victory party."

231. Scene by Tildessmoo, inspired by Jeconais's drabbles.   Reproduced here with minor modifications

Voldemort chuckled, his thin, snakelike lips stretched in a cruel mockery of a smile as he prepared the ritual to open a portal to another world. It was an amazingly easy ritual, if you were willing to kill a person or two. Voldemort was nothing if not willing. He presumed that he would find a few worlds similar to his own, but eventually he would find a world wherein resided some power he could use to defeat his enemies once and for all.

With a final flourish, the portal opened, and the Dark Lord stepped through. He paused just past the threshold, staring in wonderment at the bright, technicolor world before him. This would be just the - Voldemort was distracted by an odd whistling sound that did not have any apparent source. And was it getting darker, or was it just him?

"Eh... You might not want to be standing right there, doc," a creature he had not previously noticed said. It reminded him vaguely of a human-sized bipedal rabbit, especially with the carrot it chewed as it spoke. He noticed the grey creature was pointing upwards with the aforementioned root vegetable and directed his gaze to follow.   He then blanched in fear--no mean feat, considering how pale he already was.

Voldemort turned to run back through the portal, but, pump his legs though he might, he remained stubbornly in place as his doom approached, accompanied by an ever-expanding shadow and an increase in the volume of the whistling. Finally, in a last-ditch effort to save himself, he pointed his wand upward and cast a spell.

Unfortunately, rather than producing the desired spell, his wand merely transfigured itself. His last thought as he stared at the pink umbrella he now held over his head was to wonder what possible good it would do against the weight of a falling anvil.

232. Scene by Tildessmoo.   Reproduced here with minor modifications

Voldemort (as he had taken to calling himself) had a weakness.

It was not a weakness of character, not something that anyone could use against him. It was simply... Call it his vice, if you will.

He spent most of his life stuck in either the orphanage where his mother had left him or at school, but every now and again he had a break: The orphanage would take its charges for a week to the seaside during summer hols.

Now, just enjoying this vacation was not To-

Sorry, Voldemort's weakness. No, his weakness was what he could get while in the small, rural village; it was something not to be had either at Hogwarts or in the London orphanage.


Oh, he got plenty of mushrooms at mealtimes, certainly, but those were all cooked into oblivion. They were soft, slimy, pallid shadows of the true glory that was the Fresh Mushroom. The little white field mushrooms that he so adored dotted the landscape, ready for him to enjoy their flavor and texture, somewhere between well-cooked meat and a crisp apple, with a bit of extra chew from the gills. He would spend the first day or two searching and munching.

Then he could get in a bit of extra enjoyment when he took care of those two annoyances that called themselves human and make himself immortal at the same time. He grinned at the mere thought even as he bit into his fifth mushroom of the day, a tawny grisette, if he wasn't mistaken. It might make him a little ill to eat a grisette raw, but it was one of the most delicious of the lot, so it was well worth it.

The grin quickly turned into a frown when he noticed Charles Hobson, the insufferable know-it-all, tearing up some of his precious mushrooms from the base of a chestnut tree and examining them. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" he asked.

"I'm looking at mushrooms," the pompous but knowledgeable boy responded. "Did you know that the Amanita Phalloides is often mistaken for the Amanita Fulva?"

"In the King's English, if you don't mind."

"Oh. The deathcap is often mistaken for the tawny grisette." He looked down at the mushrooms in his hand. "All of the ones I've seen today appear to be deathcaps."

233. Scene by Tildessmoo.   Reproduced here without modification

Tom groggily pried his eyes open, only to see the grinning face of his girlfriend. "Are you ready for another round?" Charlotte Delacour purred. Tom had half a mind to groan in pain, but Charlotte quickly changed that to pleasure.

When was the last time they had stopped for food and water? Did he really care? He was certain she was killing him, but what a way to go!

234. Bunny by Tildessmoo.

After Harry and the Diggory boy's body were Portkeyed away, Voldemort turned his fuming gaze to his followers.

And blinked in surprise.   Earlier he hadn't noticed, but they were all thin and definitely ill.   "What is wrong with you all?   You're all ill?"

The robed Death Eaters exchanged looks before Malfoy stepped forward.   "Yes, My Lord, we are."

"Speak.   What is wrong?"

"My Lord, in our prime you recall all the rapes, murders, mayhem, pillaging, and rapes we performed?"

"You said rape twice."

"I like rape."

"Very well.   Yes, I recall our glorious past that will again become reality."

"What we didn't know about at the time is that some of our victims were carries of various venereal diseases.   Unfortunately, My Lord, even modern wizarding medicine does not have a cure for many of them, and well, you see . . ."   Malfoy went on to describe in broad strokes what was happening to them all.   "And in conclusion, Master, I hope my recollections of your participation are incorrect because there is no cure for these diseases."

235. Bunny by Gullwhacker

Quirrell / Voldemort, after getting past Hagrid's beast, fell into the Devil's Snare.   Knowing what it was and how to defeat it, Quirrell took his time after landing before raising his wand.

Unfortunately for him, that particular Devil's Snare was smarter than most.   Having learned that the sticks that humans carried could cause the brightness, the Devil's Snare grabbed the wand and wand arm first.

Unable to move his arm, Quirrell was no match for the huge, carnivorous plant.

236. Bunny by Gullwhacker

Quirrell sneered in disgust at the room full of flying keys.   Sighing at the necessity, he grabbed one of the brooms and mounted it.

In school, Quirrell was a Chaser.   Riddle was a Keeper.   Both tried to control the actions with differing sets of reflexes and methods.

Right until the shifting flock of keys moved aside to show the wall they were just in front of and heading toward at nearly full speed.

237. Bunny by Gullwhacker

Snape nearly chortled with glee as he surveyed the room for his portion of the defense of the Philosopher's Stone.

Dumbledore thought the Golden Boy would be next one to come through here, did he?   I'll show him.

With a sadistic grin in place, Snape put seven bottles of fast-acting poison in differently-sized bottles and placed them in a row on the table next to the nonsensical "clues" he'd made up.

* * *

Months later, Harry and Hermione burst into the room only to discover the dead body of their D.A.D.A. professor with another face sticking out the back of his head.

238. Bunny by Gullwhacker

Voldemort, acting through Quirrell let loose a bellow of frustration.   Five hours!   We've been staring at this accursed mirror for five hours.

There has to be a way to get that Stone out of there.

Finally giving up, he allowed Quirrell to destroy the mirror to get at it.

Breaking a mirror resulting is bad luck is a superstition in the Muggle world.

But like many superstitions and myths, there is a grain of historical truth in it.

Breaking a magical mirror results in a very, very large explosion.

239. Bunny by Gullwhacker

Voldemort approached the lair of the great dragon Xenophoclies.

It was an ancient wyrm with a well deserved reputation not only for its temper when crossed but for its arcane knowledge.

Just as he was about to enter the cave, four people came scurrying out, carrying bags that were bulging to overflowing with gems and coins of precious metals.

The one in the lead, a beefy man wearing a suit of armor, panted out, "I can't believe we actually got away with -"   He broke off as he spied Voldemort.   Without slowing his escape from the cave, he called, "I'd strongly recommend being somewhere else."

As the strangely garbed foursome disappeared around a rock outcropping, the huge dragon came charging out of its lair.   It came to a surprised stop in front of Voldemort.

Before the Dark Lord could utter a word, it hissed out, "So, you have the arrogance to stand before me after robbing my lair?   We shall see about that!"   It sucked in a great breath.

Just as Voldemort was starting to explain that he had no part in any theft, Xenophoclies released a full blast of dragonfire directly into Voldemort's face.

The Dark Lord's hastily cast Flame Freezing Charm had no chance of protecting him from the raw power coming from the enraged dragon whose lair had just been robbed by a group of adventurers.

240. Bunny by Killer07

Voldemort wasn't happy with his animagus form.

It was demeaning.   I mean, who would be scared of a Dark Lord with an animagus form of . . .   He shuddered.

The one redeeming feature of that form, though, was that he could use it to get close to his targets.

Just as he was doing now.

That annoying Potter boy was jabbering away to one of his followers as a crowd of students came outside to attend Care of Magical Creatures.

Much to Voldemort's surprise and supreme dismay, one of the girls squealed loudly, ran over to him and picked him up.

"Oh, how cute!   I'm going to keep him."

"Lavender," the mudblood at Potter's side said, "that's a wild rabbit.   While it may look cute, there's not telling what diseases it may be carrying."

Diseases?   Diseases!   He'd show her diseases if this infuriating little trollop of a witch would just loosen her hold of his throat.

* * *

"Look, Lavender.   The rabbit's scrambling out of your hold already."

Lavender reacted by clutching it tighter.

Hermione sighed.   "I know you're still mourning Binky.   But I don't know if getting another rabbit, a wild one even, is the answer."

"You're just jealous that I have a cute bunny and you don't," Lavender accused.   She then grinned, clearly thinking that she had identified the problem.

Hermione rolled her eyes.   "For all I care, you could keep a transfigured Voldemort -"

Everyone except Harry screamed.   Lavender accidentally squeezed the rabbit too hard and broke its neck.

With a tear in her eye, Lavender pouted, "Now look at what you made me do!"

241. Bunny by King James LXVIII

Wormtail watched in horror as the ritual he was performing to re-embody his master fell apart.

No matter what he did, what changes he made, the potion would not stabilize.

With a flash of insight, he realized what the problem was.   "Damn imported cauldron!   The bottom is an inconsistent thickness!"

242. Bunny by Killer07

Recently Ascended Daniel Jackson "looked" at the scene.  

He'd found a human wizard dueling with another wizard, though this one wasn't quite . . . human.   Curious, Daniel drifted closer to the unknown wizard and tried to study him as the duel continued.

In the process, he'd removed the older wizard's magical core.

"Oops," Daniel said.   He shrugged.   Well, he was still new, so he was bound to make some mistakes.

243. Bunny by Gullwhacker

The seventh year N.E.W.T. D.A.D.A. class watched Quirrell stutter through another lesson.   When the bell rang, the professor all but fled the scene.

"He's worthless!" one of the Slytherins grumbled as the students slowly gathered their belongings.

"We're going to have to take N.E.W.T.s at the end of the year, and he isn't teaching us anything," a Gryffindor agreed.

"Maybe he's possessed," the lone Hufflepuff suggested with a partial grin.

"Maybe," the Gryffindor agreed.

"If he is, it's not a usual possession," a Ravenclaw observed.

The Slytherin shrugged.   "We all remember that group exorcism spell that Professor Snape taught us last year when he had D.A.D.A., right?   Well, let's all cast it at Quirrell at the beginning of next class."

Everyone nodded.   After all, it couldn't hurt, right?

244. Scene by Eric Oppen.   Reproduced here with minor modifications.

Lord Voldemort stared in horror as the Killing Curse splashed off Harry Potter and his two friends. As he gaped, unable to believe his eyes, he began to notice small things about them that he'd overlooked. Their skins were very pale, even in the moonlight. Their eyes had an odd reddish glow. And they had fangs!

Stepping forward, Harry said chidingly: "Silly Voldemort. There's only one way to stop us now!"

As Harry's fangs sank into his throat, Voldemort wished frantically that he could swap his wand for a crucifix or a good, stout wooden stake.

245. Bunny and partial scene by Eric Oppen.

Lord Voldemort scrambled through the corridors of the Ministry, his mind racing in horror.

He'd watched Potter fall into a container of glowing gold liquid in one of the sealed rooms in the Department of Mysteries.   When Harry had climbed out of the container, Voldemort had seen the plaque on the side of the container.

Liquid Love

Behind him, he could hear Harry calling, "Come out, my passionate little bundle of Dark-Lordness! I am looking somewhere for you!"

Ever since falling into the liquid love, and apparently ingesting it or becoming infused with it or something, Harry had been calmly stalking Voldemort.   Nothing the evil Dark Lord did helped him in the slightest.   No matter how fast he ran, no matter the obstacles he placed in the boy wizard's path, Potters inexorable movement had closed the gap.

Turning a corner at full run, Voldemort was suddenly in the embrace of a softly cooing Harry Potter.

* * *

Hermione Granger watched in the kind of horrid fascination usually reserved for witnessing train wrecks.  

Harry had glomped himself to Voldemort, and, struggle as the dark wizard would, he couldn't escape Harry's embrace. "Ah, my little Dark Lord, at last I have found you for the first time for the last time!"   Harry kissed several points on the struggling Voldemort's face, complete with over-the-top sound effects. "Mm-wa, mm-wa, mm-wa.   Your lips say 'no-no-no,' but your pretty red eyes say 'yes-yes-yes!'"

The assembled Order of the Phoenix warriors, powerful witches and wizards who struck fear into the hearts of any Death Eaters they came upon, were rolling around on the floor in helpless laughter, heedless of Voldemort's pitiful screams.   "Help! Save me! Save my virtue!"

Hermione just shook her head.   "And to think I once laughed at Pepe LePew," she muttered.

246. Bunny by Killer07

An overwhelming silence fell after the Final Battle.

Harry blinked rapidly, trying to focus his eyes.   "Hermione?"

"Yes, Harry?"

"Er . . .   Not to be rude or anything, but what are you?   I can't even look at you!"

"You are a child of prophecy, Harry.   Therefore, I am here as a guardian."

" . . . What?"

She laughed, producing a nearly musical trilling that humbled Fawkes.   "I am here as a guardian.   I helped protect you while you fulfilled the prophecy.   In your terms, I'm an archangel."

19 Sep

12 Oct

247. Bunny by Gullwhacker

Voldemort sat upon his throne, watching the Dark Revel idly.   He looked up from his contemplations when every wizard at the outdoor gathering fell silent.   He followed their gaze and watched in wide-eyed amazement as a small spacecraft smoothly flew toward them and came to a silent landing.   A ramp fell to the ground and a small figure in some sort of space suit with many objects attached trundled down before coming to a halt at the bottom of the ramp.

Voldemort stood and advanced.   The small creature gazed up at him through its helmet visor.   "Take me to your leader," a speaker mounted on the space suit spoke in a flat, clearly mechanical voice.

"I, the Dark Lord Voldemort, rule over all.   Speak, inferior -"

The alien was clearly no longer listening.   It reached for one of the objects dangling from its belt, drew it, and calmly vaporized Voldemort into his constituent atoms.

With the death of the "leader" of the planet, the alien invasion commenced.

248. Scene by The Crow.   Reproduced here with minor modifications.

A Sicilian man sat in his large, leather armchair looking out his window to his daughter's wedding below.

He turned around and faced the door when a knock sounded.   "Tom, let him in," he calmly commanded the other man standing in the room.

Tom opened the door and in came a young man with unruly black hair, piercing green eyes, and a scar in the shape of a lightning bolt on his forehead.

Harry Potter took a seat and started.   "Godfather, I come to you, on the day of your daughter's wedding, to make a request..."

249. Bunny by Killer07

Voldemort finished the long summoning, " . . . Glazerbu!"   With a flash of red light and a deafening clap of thunder, a fifteen foot tall monstrosity appeared in the ritual circle.   Four armed and hugely muscled, this greater demon was an awesome fighter even before one took into account its magical abilities and resistances.

Voldemort smiled an evil smile.   Based on the convoluted rules of commanding such dangerous entities, Voldemort gave it the command closest to his goal.   "Demon, I, your summoner, command you to seek out and destroy the enemies of the heir of the Slytherin line."

The glazerbu clicked one of its pincers.   "Release me from this circle and I shall do so," it agreed in a voice that sent shivers through everyone listening.

Voldemort narrowed his eyes.   Demons were never so accomodating.   Mentally reviewing all the summoning steps and the phrase he had spoken, he concluded that he had made no errors and the demon, recognizing the same, simply had no choices.   He waved his wand, dispelling the wards around the summoning circle.

The demon chuckled as it stepped forward.   "Foolish, foolish mortal.   Do you not know your own history?   On his death bed, Salazar Slytherin cast out the Gaunts from his line, leaving the family name to his daughter and squib grandchildren.   The line of Evans is the last acknowledged heir of Slytherin."   It smiled, showing a hundred razor teeth.   "So, you have commanded me to destroy the enemies of Harry Potter."

250. Bunny by Killer07

Harry and Voldemort traded spells, each looking for an opening to finish off the other.

Both were distracted by a blue blur that came racing past.   Harry blinked, wondering if that really was a Technicolor bird running so quickly.   Before either wizard could react any further, a roaring noise approached.

Harry watched in stupefication as a large, red rocket, with "ACME" printed on the side and a rail-thin bipedal coyote tied to it, impacted Voldemort and immediately changed direction to straight up.   It flew, now with two passengers, a hundred feet before exploding into a moderately sized firework.

Wily E. Coyote is much more damage resistant than Lord Voldemort.

12 Oct

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Author Notes:

One thing has come up in a few reviews: Ents from scene #205.   Please note that is spelled correctly (with an E and not A).    Ents are from Tolkein's LotR stories.   Think intelligent, ancient, huge, mobile trees (though they will tell you they are not trees).