1001 Deaths of Lord Voldemort
Two Hundred and Fifty-One to Three Hundred
By Crys
Reviews
Gullwhacker2 posted a comment on Sunday 18th November 2007 5:40pm for Two Hundred and Fifty-One to Three Hundred
Blatantly ripped off:
"Let me see if I understand properly, Potter. Due to this...prophecy about the two of us, you wish to end the conflict by having the two of us duel."
"That's right."
"Furthermore, because our brother wands, a duel of magic is out. A physical duel would just be stupid. So, you wish to have a duel of...wits?"
"Yes. As you can see, I've prepared two glasses here; one contains ordinary Firewhisky, the other pure Basilisk Venom." Harry, having previously set up a small table and two chairs, placed the glasses on the table and sat down. "You choose which one you believe is the venom, then we both drink."
Voldemort obligingly sat down. This was, indeed, a way to fulfill the prophecy. "Then let the duel begin. So, one of the glasses is closer to you than to me. Knowing that I have devoted my life to escaping death, you might have supposed that I would expect death to be far from me, and you would have thought that I would have thought that the glass closer to you would contain the venom. So, I should pick the glass closer to me."
Harry merely smiled.
"However, you would know that I would know that you would think that I would think that. Furthermore, your experience with my Diary in your second year would have given you a tendency to keep Basilisks as far from you as possible, meaning that the venom is in the glass closer to me, and I should take the one closer to you."
Harry merely tilted his head.
"Then again, you would know that I could deduce that; furthermore, you are insufferably Gryffindor and think nothing of putting yourself at risk, keeping the venom close to yourself out of sheer courage. So, given that I know that you know that I deduced that you knew that I knew that you thought that I'd think that, I should pick the glass closer to me."
Excepting Harry's eternally impassive expression, Luna Lovegood was the only one nodding at the Dark Lord's logic.
"However, given the most recent position of the thirteenth Zodiac constellation, Serpentarius, it's evident that - by Merlin, is that a Crumple-Horned Snorkack?!"
Obligingly, Harry, Luna, and many of the observers turned to look. Voldemort cast a surreptitious Switching Spell on the two glasses.
"I'm afraid I don't see it, Tom."
"Oh, dear, it must have been my imagination. In any event, I've decided." Picking up the closest glass, Voldemort raised it in a toast. Harry followed suit, and the two of them drank their respective drinks in a single gulp.
Harry, putting down his glass, smirked. "Goodbye, Tom."
Laughter was his response. "Goodbye indeed, foolish boy! While your back was turned, I switched the two glasses - you've just consumed your own death! This is your final lesson, little schoolboy - never go up against a Slytherin when death is on the line!"
Harry continued to smirk even as Voldemort threw back his head in maniacal laughter. Abruptly, the laughter stopped, and Lord Voldemort, alias Tom Marvolo Riddle, fell the rest of the way back, stone dead.
As the Death Eaters surrounded to the waiting Aurors, Hermione and Ron ran up to the victorious Harry. "Blimey, mate! How did you know that he'd switch glasses like that?"
Harry, accordingly, grinned. "I didn't - both glasses had the venom. Between my second year and the vial of Fawkes's tears I had earlier, I've an immunity to Basilisk Venom."
Crys replied:
Thanks. Bunny added to the file. Your 25th.
I was really tempted to add to it (that "dizzying intellect" line from Luna would be priceless) but decided to leave it more or less as you wrote it.
Eric Oppen posted a comment on Thursday 15th November 2007 9:44pm for Two Hundred and Fifty-One to Three Hundred
I don't know if you've read Vertigo's _Preacher_ comics, but if you have...what if Voldemort ran up against The Saint of Killers? Particularly given his contempt for "Muggle" weapons, like the Saint's Colt Walker pistols, and his overweening overconfidence?
Killer07 posted a comment on Tuesday 13th November 2007 10:08am for Two Hundred and Fifty-One to Three Hundred
As Moldyshorts tortures Harry and Hermione for a little fun first when he finds them on a date they escape through a portkey. This was seen by a person that found it really rude behavior to disturb this nice couple that he had talked to a little time. Especially with the girl he could have some great conversations. Dr. Lecter decided to show this character what he thinks of rude behavior. Especially against people he likes.
Greetings
Killer07 (I think Voldy pissed of the wrong villain this time *G*)
DragoFlare posted a comment on Tuesday 6th November 2007 11:05am for Two Hundred and Fifty-One to Three Hundred
The anime/manga was a series called Ranma 1/2,
it's a romantic comody about a young martial artist who was cursed to turn into a girl at Jusenkyo. He gets roped into an arranged marriage thanks to his father, in addition to several other suitors (both thanks to his own actions as well as his pops) on both the sides. Look it up on Wikipedia dot org if you need the info on it. It really is quite a funny series.
DragoFlare posted a comment on Tuesday 6th November 2007 8:48am for Two Hundred and Fifty-One to Three Hundred
Voldermort had one weakness, well, it wasn't a weakness per say. It was more of a vice.
He loved to research new and unusual curses.
That was what brought him to the Bayankala Mountain Range in the Qinghai Province of China, the object of his curiosity was the rumored cursed springs of Jusenkyo.
As Voldermort made his way down the dirt path, he stopped at the cliff overlooking the innocent looking valley. It was just a valley of springs with hundreds of Bamboo shoots jutting out of them.
But, fate was against our favorite dark lord that day.
A panda dashed down the same mountain path like the hounds of hades were on his heels.
Voldermort barely dodged to the side avoiding the frightened panda.
Unfortunately for Riddle, he failed to dodge the redheaded girl that made the panda so frightened in the first place.
"Get back here pops!" the redhead snarled as she used the dark lord's head as a springboard to gain momentum.
WHAM!
And sent him over the edge of the cliff.
"AAAAAAAAAAA!!!!"
Splash!
And so he changed.
After falling into the spring of the drowned pig.
"Bwee...Bwee...Bwee..." the neo pig panted as he reached the surface and swam to shore.
Only to be scooped up by the same panda the knocked him over the cliff in the first place.
As Genma Saotome gazed at the shivering piglet out of the spring (while making sure not to fall in himself) he regarded the tiny animal.
"Meh, might as well wask up the thing before I eat it." he thought as he warmed up the water gathered in the ladle he found by one of the springs and promptly doused the unlucky dark lord with the water from the locking ladle.
A few minutes later, Genma made his way down to the guides hut with out a care in the world.
Unlike his unknown prisoner who was struggling with all his miniscule might.
As the panda entered the Jusenkyo guide spied the porcine dark lord.
"Let's right now, cook it very nice!" the guide chuckled in broken Japanese as Genma tied the piglet by his legs over a wok filled with white hot cooking oil.
"In ground of accursed springs, we have 'spring of drowned black piglet.' the guide explained as he sharpened a cleaver and the panda stoked the fire.
"Here's a very sad story of a baby black pig who drown there one thousand two hundred years ago." the guide continued.
He looked the piglet in the eye "Maybe here's a person who falls in the spring of drowned black pig."
Voldermort nodded franticly.
"Ha! Very funny joke, yes?" the guide asked as Genma drooled over the thought of fresh fried pork.
The guide swung the cleaver, severing the pigs head and the rope holding it over the boiling oil.
Fried Dark Lord anyone?
Crys replied:
Don't read or watch any anime, so I am totally lost on all the references in there. Thanks anyway.
DragoFlare posted a comment on Tuesday 6th November 2007 12:11am for Two Hundred and Fifty-One to Three Hundred
I really liked number 254. The idea of Harry being a God and pounding Moldie Voldie into a meaty smear on the floor is classic! Keep up the great work!
MonkeyAxman1302 posted a comment on Monday 5th November 2007 8:52pm for Two Hundred and Fifty-One to Three Hundred
I adored the Greek one. They all made me giggle, but that was particularly good.
Killer07 posted a comment on Saturday 3rd November 2007 11:07pm for Two Hundred and Fifty-One to Three Hundred
As Galactus prepares to devour the Earth he first swallows a stray particle of the world (Voldy using a portkey on the way to Hogwarts) He suddenly gets a really bad case of indigestion and decides that he'll leave the Earth alone. If one particle causes this he doesn't want to know how bad the case of food poisoning would be after the complete planet.
Greetings
Killer07 (How Moldyshorts saved the world unwillingly)
Crys replied:
Thanks. Bunny added to the file. Your 81st
The Crow posted a comment on Friday 2nd November 2007 7:30pm for Two Hundred and Fifty-One to Three Hundred
"So why are we gonna let him know the rest of the prophecy again?" asked Harry.
"Trust me mate, it'll work." Replied Ron.
Voldermorts Private Chamber - Later that day
"Lucius here, has suceeded in squeezing the rest of the prophecy out of that Weasley brat" said Voldermort.
The room erupted in cheers.
He then proceeded to explain that it would be him, and only him that could kill Potter.
Suddenly a man, who strongly resembled a rat spoke up.
"So, technically my lord... I couldn't kill you right now?" he whimpered.
There was a sharp intake of breath throughout the room but Lord Voldermort merely chuckled and opened his arms.
"You are welcome to try."
The rat-like man suddenly pointed his wand at Voldermort and shouted "Avada Kedavra!"
A flash of green light flew at Voldermort. His face showed momentary suprise, then he fell over. Dead.
"That was easy." said Harry as the polyjuice slowly wore off.
"You owe me 5 galleons." said Ron tucking his long blonde hair behind his ear.
Crys replied:
Thanks. Bunny added to the file
Gullwhacker2 posted a comment on Thursday 1st November 2007 7:13am for Two Hundred and Fifty-One to Three Hundred
Inspired by some fanfic plots...
Harry smirked as he confronted Voldemort. "I've discovered the power you know not, Tom!" He then proceeded to explain how due to his mother being secretly an adopted daughter of a squib, he was actually the heir of Slytherin, Merlin, and several other famous wizards. Furthermore, he'd obtained magical power from seventeen different sources, at least four of which were both brand new and blatantly contrived...
Voldemort wound up bludgeoning himself with a large, stout object just to escape the idiocy.
(Yes, similar to the power being to bluff; consider this an alternate end to that one.)
Crys replied:
Thanks. Bunny added to the file. Your 24th
Killer07 posted a comment on Thursday 1st November 2007 5:26am for Two Hundred and Fifty-One to Three Hundred
The symbiont Venom found a new Host in Harry. After seeing Harry's memory's he decided to help Harry to the best of his abilities.
Greetings
Killer07
Erin M. Heckman posted a comment on Wednesday 31st October 2007 2:29pm for Two Hundred and Fifty-One to Three Hundred
Lord Voldemort was casually dining at one of his guilty pleasures, a renaissance festival. He was so into his beef stew in a bread bowl that he didn't realize the high speed projectile that was thrown by one of the entertainers. The plastic spork buried itself into the Dark Lord's throat, striking his juggular vein. It was all over in a mere 45 seconds.
Crys replied:
Thanks. Bunny added to the file
Gullwhacker2 posted a comment on Wednesday 31st October 2007 5:05am for Two Hundred and Fifty-One to Three Hundred
Another scene that comes to mind...I'll use Crabbe for this, given his use of Fiendfire or whatever it was in book seven, but replace with Wormtail or whatever Death Eater suits your fancy.
Crabbe looked at his arm and grinned. The Dark Mark. He was truly part of the Dark Lord's forces now. However, he knew that other young Death Eaters - like Malfoy - held higher status, due to family connections. He knew that he'd have to work to prove himself to his new master. For this reason, he was holed up in the library, looking for new terrible spells he could use in the service of Lord Voldemort. Stumbling across one denoted 'very powerful', he grinned again. This would be perfect!
***
Voldemort was enjoying the Dark Revel he'd set up for his forces when a roar could be heard overhead. Looking up, he spotted a full-grown dragon, heading for his base of operations. Despite sporiadic spellfire, the beast was undeterred and crashed into the middle of the Death Eaters.
Even as Voldemort prepared to unleash his deadliest spells against the beast, young Crabbe spoke up. "Don't worry, my Lord! I'll kill this thing!" And so, Crabbe unleashed the terrible spell he had learned - "DRAGON SLAVE!"
The spell was easily powerful enough to destroy any mortal creature, even a dragon. It really was a shame, however, that Crabbe hadn't paid attention to the footnote on 'blast radius'.
Crys replied:
Thanks. Bunny added to the file. Your 23rd
DragoFlare posted a comment on Tuesday 30th October 2007 6:26am for Two Hundred and Fifty-One to Three Hundred
The duel had gone on for hours, neither side giving any quarter. Finally, a disarming hex struck Harry and separated him from his wand.
"At last, my most hated enemy is unarmed and at my mercy!" Voldermort chuckled as he fired his final spell.
"AVADA KEDAVARA!"
FLASH!
the spell splashed harmlessly against the flames that sprang to life aroung Harry, they swirled wildly and took the form of a giant bird.
"What in Merlin's name?!?" The dark lord gasped as Harry rose into the air.
"You should know that my mother was incapable of having children, so her cousin offered to allow my father to artificially impregnate her. This is the gift of my Mother Jean Grey. The phoenix force!" Harry shouted as he lashed out incinerating Voldermort with a massive column of psychic flames.
Gullwhacker2 posted a comment on Monday 29th October 2007 10:19am for Two Hundred and Fifty-One to Three Hundred
Harry and Voldemort have a showdown in the mountains. Voldemort continues taunting Harry as they fight, gloating that he can counter or stop anything Harry throws at him.
"Anything? You want to bet?"
"Indeed. I can stand here and block anything you care to throw at me!"
"Is that so..."
And Harry, in response, uses a simple, well-aimed Reducto. Not aimed at Voldemort, but at the unstable mountainside behind him.
"Have fun blocking my avalanche, Tom." Pulls out his broom and flies off as Voldemort, trapped by his own vow, tries to stop a force of nature.
As another, shorter idea - which may have been done - Stepped on by Godzilla.
Crys replied:
Thanks. Bunny added to the file. Your 22nd
Patches posted a comment on Monday 29th October 2007 8:23am for Two Hundred and Fifty-One to Three Hundred
Quite creative. It would have saved a lot of people if a dementor had got Voldemort in Albania. Everyone assummed Voldemort was "the" Dark Lord. Their ignorance killed everyone. Not good. Fawks feather would not have liked to be used to kill Voldemorts father and grandparents. That would have saved a lot of grief too. Harry brother of Athena. That is good. Now he has to take care of Zeus and then come back for Voldemort. Not much of a warm up indeed. Be careful what you ask for, you might get it. Voldemort got it in the form of a book.
Voldmort may have grown up in a muggle orphanage but he didn't pay much attention to airplanes. Voldemort killed everyone and ended up all alone waiting for the end of the world. Not such a good idea afterall. Have to watch out for those drivers in training. Voldemort didn't get the warning of "student driver". Couldn't happen to a nicer guy. Not giving good directions to your inferi can be bad for your health. Muggle mail bombs. No magic to detect. Again, Voldemort should have been more aware of the whole world around him.
Quite a few good ideas. Except of course, killing everyone was not good. Thanks for sending these along for our enjoyment. pms
Nogoalielikeme posted a comment on Monday 29th October 2007 6:23am for Two Hundred and Fifty-One to Three Hundred
ummm, you only went to 261, how's math?
Crys replied:
As I've said at the beginning of the past few chapters, I add scenes to these chapters as ideas are sent to me or occur to me. Once a chapter is at 50, I start the next chapter.
lordblack posted a comment on Sunday 28th October 2007 3:31am for Two Hundred and Fifty-One to Three Hundred
I liked that last one the most!
Evan Mayerle posted a comment on Saturday 27th October 2007 3:57pm for Two Hundred and Fifty-One to Three Hundred
A variation on #258, Voldemort wins and achieves immortality, then tries to de-stabilize and take over the muggle world. He goofs, though, and manages to trigger a nuclear war that wipes the planet clean of all life but him; without the life to regenerate it, magic itself eventually withers and Tom finds that his magic-based immortality had a restrictive clause he didn't realize as he gets progressively more debilitated as the magic decreases and finally dies when it disappears.
Crys replied:
Thanks. Bunny added to the file
WindWolf posted a comment on Tuesday 20th November 2007 3:14am for Two Hundred and Fifty-One to Three Hundred
Crys replied: