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Milarqui posted a comment on Friday 21st December 2012 1:24pm for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Voldemort's expression remained impassive as he said, "Greatness inspires envy, envy engenders spite, spite spawns lies."

"Yes, yes, and pain leads to suffering. I've heard it before, Yoda wannabe."

Wish to point out that, at the time Voldemort had his interview, Star Wars wasn't even a spark in George Lucas' brain. I understand you have done it for the comedic value, but, still...

Milarqui posted a comment on Saturday 16th June 2012 10:32am for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Chapter 20

Voldemort applies for a job with Headmaster Dumbledore.

Voldemort's expression remained impassive as he said, "Greatness inspires envy, envy engenders spite, spite spawns lies."

"Yes, yes, and pain leads to suffering. I've heard it before, Yoda wannabe."

Erm, I know Dumbledore's answer makes for a funny comment, but when Voldemort met with Dumbledore to apply for a job, it was the late 60s, and Star Wars wasn't even a gleam in the eye of George Lucas.

Crys replied:

Yes, I'm aware the timing doesn't work, but this whole "story" is about the comedic value.

Glad you're reading closely enough to have noticed.

Uldihaa posted a comment on Thursday 14th July 2011 2:06pm for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

<Chapter 20

Dumbledore and Harry in one of the "understand young Tom Riddle" lessons.

"I must quickly recount how Lord Voldemort left Hogwarts."

"Well, I'd assumed he walked out the front gates, but if you told me he skipped or sauntered, I'll have to re-evaluate my opinion of him.">

"Or maybe he slinked out? He is rather snakey. Oh! Or he strutted out, that would fit his personality; hopefully he didn't do it in high-heels. Sashayed, maybe? Considering his followers, I could see him doing that."

"Well, no he...," Dumbledore said, tying to explain.

"Wait! Wait, please don't tell me he minced! I'd never be able to fight him seriously if he minced out of Hogwarts."

-----

Random question: And just why is it so many words for describing the way people walk start with "S", anyway?

Crys replied:

*laugh*

Thank you for the extension of one of them!

wordhammer posted a comment on Saturday 19th February 2011 11:37pm for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

This was a lot of fun! I had an alternate for your enjoyment:

Chapter 20

Dumbledore is asking if Harry has gotten the Horcrux memory from Slughorn.

"And you feel that you have exerted your very best efforts in the matter, do you? That you have exercised all of your considerable ingenuity?"

Harry's eyebrows rose in concern. "Sir, you've asked me to respect Professor Snape for his position despite how he abuses it and me, and yet you're asking me to trick the previous Head of Slytherin House and Potions Master out of a memory. Exactly what blackmail does Professor Snape hold over you?"

"You have misjudged the situation, Harry."

"Exactly. If you have a plan for me in mind, why don't you just tell me? It's not like you've got years to wait for this."

Harry gestured at the Headmaster's dessicated hand.

"Ah. Good point. Use the Felix potion."

Crys replied:

*snicker*

Nothing like focusing the old man on the immediate issues.

alifromnm1 posted a comment on Sunday 30th January 2011 2:45pm for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

I loved both of your chapters.....I needed a laugh today. I remember those comments in the book and had forgotten about what a "snarky" book it was....your comments are so much better.

Mihir posted a comment on Saturday 29th January 2011 7:11am for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Nice ... how about these two for the sixth book?

1. Ginny Weasley complaining to Harry about Fleur

‘I suppose that you like the way she says “‘Arry “, do you?’ said Ginny scornfully.

‘Well, now that you mention it, I have to admit that the way Fleur says my name has a certain charm to it-‘

2. Romilda and group ask Harry to ditch Neville and Luna sit with them in their compartment

'You don't have to sit with them' she said in a stage whisper.
‘Oh I' don't know, here,’ Harry gestured at Neville with a wide sweeping motion of his hand, ‘is the bloke who looked at Bellatrix Lestrange, Voldemort’s most feared Death Eater in the eye, and spat in her face! And that was after she cast the Cruciatus Curse on him! Hell, he didn’t even make a sound when she cast the Unforgivable on him! And that,’ he gestured at Luna with the same sweeping motions looking very much like an actor in a courtroom drama, ‘is a girl who fought Jugson, Dolohov, the three Lestranges, Nott, Crabbe, Rookwood, Mulciber, Avery, Macnair and Lucius Malfoy, and came out of the whole thing without even a scratch! Why wouldn’t I want to hang out with them? Hell, the question you should be asking is, “why are they sitting with me?”’ Harry finished with a flourish, deliberately not looking at Neville’s face as it got redder and redder.
'Now you want me to sit with you lot; a gaggle of giggling prepubescent fourteen year old girls whose greatest tragedy till date has probably been a chipped nail ... I think the choice here is obvious no?'

Crys replied:

[hard blink] I really like that second one.

Thanks for the laugh.

Rage and Light posted a comment on Wednesday 26th January 2011 3:04pm for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

bloody brillent, so funny I almost could not stop laughing and the fact you did it with so few lines is even more impressive. well done and hope to see more soon

david

gadriam posted a comment on Wednesday 26th January 2011 9:12am for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

A wonderful display of applied "staircase wit". The things you think to say just a second too late. Wouldn't it be lovely to punch one in at the right time?

On snideness, you win. On snarkiness, she does.
Well, she's good. She wrote children's books that created this site without even trying.

Lovely read. I'll return to it whenever i need a dose of snide snark.

Thanks
g

Natasja posted a comment on Tuesday 25th January 2011 12:39am for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Ooh, I have one!

Harry took the remaining armchair, choosing not to look at the Dursleys, who seemed stunned into silence.
"I would assume that you were going to offer me refreshment," Dumbledore said to Uncle Vernon, "but the evidence so far suggests that that would be optimistic to the point of foolishness."
Aunt Petunia had finally found her voice. "Look here! You break into our house in the middle of the night, when most people are asleep, start throwing spells around, and have the nerve to lecture US about manners? Of course I'm not going to put the kettle on now, when you said that you and the boy will be gone in a few minutes, before it's even finished boiling!"

I
don't even like the Dursleys, but that scene always annoyed me.

HGRHfan35 posted a comment on Monday 24th January 2011 5:38am for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Oh goodness, this cracked me up.
JKR did do a lot of these subtle things but not way enough!

Thanks for making my day.

Riegert8 posted a comment on Sunday 23rd January 2011 11:02pm for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

This a very Interesting chapter

Celevon posted a comment on Sunday 23rd January 2011 10:27pm for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

These snide comments are priceless! I love it!!

brad posted a comment on Sunday 23rd January 2011 8:34pm for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Heh. if there was any book that deserved to be sporked ...

Well, Deathly Hallows would be the only superior candidate, but I wouldn't wish my worst enemy to spork that volume. DON'T DO IT CRYS! First of all, re-reading that novel will fry your brain. Secondly, it will take all of your time for years, there's so much fodder there.

Love the Irma Pince / Walbruga Black comparison!

> "And you feel that you have exerted your very best efforts in the matter, do you? That you have exercised all of your considerable ingenuity?"

Gawd that was a horribly artificial and contrived bit of writing by Rowling. Anything goes to get Harry into the story! Asking a teenage boy to recover a memory that's theoretically crucial to winning a war. Yeah, right.

> Dumbledore appeared momentarily startled. "Oh, heavens no! He wasn't nearly good enough. His education was far too poor for our requirements."

Laugh-out-loud!! I didn't see that coming at all. Good one!

> Harry gave him an annoyed look. "I am setting too much store in it? Headmaster, explain to me why you suggested my parents went under the Fidelius Charm. Why have you spent so much time and effort locking me into a prison to protect me from Voldemort and his deez? You did all that due to the prophecy, so don't tell me that I'm setting too much store in the bloody thing. You've determined my whole goddamned LIFE by that very same prophecy!"

Oh, PLEASE don't forget that two, almost three, men DIED in protecting the prophecy - on Dumbledore's orders!!!! That was in book 5, where Rowling needed the prophecy to justify the entire plot of that novel, all 880+ pages of it. But with book 6 she didn't know what to do with the prophecy, so she had Dumbledore reverse course and emasculate it utterly. I *detested* the careless and carefree capriciousness that Rowling exhibited in whipping up her stories; she just didn't care about such things.

As a H/Hr man I applaud, of course, your excerpt from chapter #24 (but that was all canon, I couldn't see what you'd changed in that one :-)) and your takes on the infamously bad 'breakup scene' of chapter #30.

Above all else we NEEDED this one:

> "I am not worried, Harry," said Dumbledore, his voice a little stronger despite the freezing water. "I am with you."
> ...

That bit of ridiculous and patently false bravado was nauseating in the book. I'm very glad you mocked it!

Thanks for the laughs!

Crys replied:

You're quite welcome

Wonderbee31 posted a comment on Sunday 23rd January 2011 6:28pm for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

A fun chapter, and I really didn't realize how much snark JKR put in HBP till I read some of those here,but got to say, your additions would have spiced the story up even more.

kb0 posted a comment on Sunday 23rd January 2011 6:21pm for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

>Chapter 20
>Tom Riddle applied to teach at Hogwarts.
>"But he didn't get the job, sir?"
>Dumbledore appeared momentarily startled. "Oh, heavens no! He wasn't nearly good enough. His education was far too poor for our requirements."

Given the DADA professors Dumbledore hired, I think I'd change that to say:
"Oh, heavens no! His ability and education was far too good for our requirements."

:) Kevin

Crys replied:

*laugh* Good point.