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reader1writer1 posted a comment on Sunday 5th June 2011 5:03pm for The Yule Ball

I just can't believe there's no way to legalize things.

Abraxan posted a comment on Tuesday 7th September 2010 6:43am for The Yule Ball

LOL - I see Mr. Joyero's reputation is getting around! I'm enjoying your story!

Abraxan

Ascania posted a comment on Wednesday 23rd September 2009 2:19am for The Yule Ball

I find this insistence everyone has on micromanaging their slaves VERY annoying. Heck, what good is it having somebody to do a job for you if you can't do anything else because you need to hold their hand all the way.

This is not limited to your story but a general among the "Harry gets slaves" fics.
An attitude of "I told them what's the what and I know they can arrive their under their own power. I have no need to constantly keep an eye on them." would be a refreshing change.

Brought on by the talk about going to the owlery. I mean, if he can't write a letter and send a girl to get it sent (yes, hypothetical extrapolation from what's actually going on) but has to accompany her what good is it having somebody else do the job for you?

In conclusion, micromanaging = bad.

maddsloth posted a comment on Monday 21st September 2009 7:38am for The Yule Ball

So far I am enjoying the story not to say I have some beefs with it lol. Thanks for taking the time to write this story.

From chapter 1 I found it odd that Draco immediately hijacked the duel then, Snape through Dumbledore hijacked the hijacked duel. The duel challenging rules seemed more like a game of hot potato. How long would it have taken Filch to get involved?

Neville's eyes were wide. "You'd let them date?"
- So far your Harry seems kind of retarded, letting his ‘wives’ date? Also I think the reason they keep telling him how good of a guy he is, is because they are not convinced he is that great guy so they seem to be manipulating him in to thinking he is that guy. “Harry you would never make us do anything we did not want to do” “yes you are right I will always let you rule my life”

"Mine as well," Daphne said. "I suspect they will want to meet you soon."
Harry paled.
- Ya I would be scared to meet a few men that put their daughters future in the hands of a known death eater (trusting the Honor of a rapist with your children, is there lead in the pipes or something?), one question though at what point does this story follow canon? I am guessing OoTP since moony gave the ‘little wizard’ told to Harry, so how is Malfoy playing the role of matchmaker for the pureblood natural families? He is an escaped convict.

I think you said it was Professor Hagrid who visited your relatives' home?"
- The boy who lived did not get a Professor he was at the time a grounds keeper, but it is interesting that the most famous person in their world get the ‘janitor’ sent to pick him up. Filch would have been better qualified to explain the wizarding world to Harry. He may be disgruntled but at least he is not ‘slow in the head’.

"Figures. I go through years of falling on my face and getting laughed at.
- So Hermione, Finnegan, and all the other muggle raised get a pass but He did not because Dumbledore is a fuck stain that sent a Dumble zealot to pick him up? Though it would have been real funny is if he used the Floo fell on his face and while recovering got killed by a DE. HAHAHA Harry HAHA. This still does not excuse Hermione who effectively got a pass on the big joke, and all the other people who know he was muggle raised. It is more likely Ron and all the other enjoyed seeing the great BWL fall on his ass.

I have this sinking feeling Harry is going to fight this 'war’ with all the furry the passivism instilled in him by Mr. Forgive and forget Dumbledore will allow him. Also find it funny that Dumbledore does not seem to want to train Harry himself but I hope there is a real split between Harry and the old man now, dew to how he allowed the citation to go the way it did. “Severus told me all would be ok if they became slaves, when has Severus ever been wrong or biased about anything?” who will he not sell out for ‘the greater good’? and at which point does his way of thinking make a person a dark lord?

Crys replied:

The "hijacker" must want to enter.  Not to mention that the one being "championed" (Crabbe and Goyle at first, then Draco if Snape had actually dueled), must agree (at least tacitly).  Yeah, the rules are insane by our standards, but who said the WW had to make sense?

Calling them "wives" is something of a misnomer.  He consistenly refers to them that way (for his peace of mind), but it's more of a property ownership issue.

Malfoy: He's not an escaped convict, he was pardoned by Fudge.  Yes, he's a D.E., but he's never been proven to be one.  Yes, it is a thin legal (and logical) line, but this is a society steeped in traditions, which overrule common sense in all sorts of ways.  The Malfoy family has always done the contracts, so he shall always do the contracts, even when it makes no sense.

Harry and the floo: Another example of everyone in the WW hiding behind tradition.  Yes, it's stupid and demeaning to the victim, but it's tradition!

Dumbledore: He's confusing.  Is he a manipulative, evil man?  Is he senile?  Is he all good intentions but never checks that what he assumes actually happens?  There are plenty of manip!AD stories out there.  I'm trying to write one who is actually capable of learning.  By the end of the chapter that I just posted, he's actually turned into at least a supporter for Harry rather than an active obstacle.

Thanks for the reviews, and hope you enjoy the rest of the story.

TxA_GunFighter posted a comment on Sunday 6th September 2009 6:51am for The Yule Ball

Very good chapter.

gunny

Particle_Accelerator posted a comment on Thursday 30th July 2009 3:14pm for The Yule Ball

Loving it so far! I really liked the post ball scene with the girls (especially Hermione's reaction to his entrance!) I always found it odd that JKR never had Harry's friends really address his pre-Hogwarts living situation...

"Bars on the windows, you say? How remakable... let's play quidditch."

Keep up the most excellent work.

Yunaine posted a comment on Wednesday 29th July 2009 11:01pm for The Yule Ball

Well written and I'm looking forward to a decent multi-pairing without the constant smut scenes.
You probably already know of it, but 'The Poker Game' by 'Enterprise1701-d' is also a very good story among those lines.

Anyway, on to the critical portion :)

The first chapter contains a rather weird flaw which could be abused by your characters if wanted.
Harry challenges Crabbe and Goyle formally... yet Malfoy interrupts before they can respond. He's also the only one doing anything, with Crabbe and Goyle not saying or doing anything. Basically you have two duels being done without the people challenged having done anything at all. They might be idiots, but they still should've agreed at some point.
The abusing portion is pretty easy: Someone could simply challenge Harry and then, before Harry can react, Ron immediately states that he's Harry's champion. Ron loses, game over.
I just thought it pretty weird so I think the acceptance part was overlooked.

The second chapter was fun as well; I'm only a bit... annoyed at Hermione. I've read a few other reviews but my annoyance goes a bit differently. I'm not worried about her passive nature or anything since she already deduced that their was the choice of those girls going to Malfoy, or to Harry...
What I'm more worried about is Hermione spending time with both girls. It might be because of the nature of the contracts that she if trying to find a way to help them, or it might be because of... well, the thing I absolutely loated in 'The Poker Game'. You already stated that the two girls become Harry's chattel, and that he'll still need a wife. I'm sure you're already following where I'm going with this: I absolutely hope that neither Hermione nor Ginny even comes into that part.
Hell, I personally hope he goes for no wife at all since he already has two chattel anyway; I doubt everyone is forced to marry anyway.
It's more of a personal preference, I guess. I won't bother with detailled reasoning since I would probably cloud it with my own choice anyway :P.

Have fun writing further and keep up the good writing.

Crys replied:

Yes, I have read "The Poker Game" and enjoyed it, even if it did get weird toward the end.

Ah, yes, Draco interrupting before the goons accepted the challenge.  You aren't the first to point this out.  My response is that they didn't object, thereby giving implicit acceptance first to the challenge and then to Draco's championing of them.

Harry won't be forced to marry again later.  As Tracey said, it's just an option for him.

Thanks for reading and for the review.

Jiapa posted a comment on Sunday 26th July 2009 1:59pm for The Yule Ball

Loads of fun. I'm enjoying getting to know Daphne's and Tracy's personalities, and seeing Harry get all hot and bothered, both in a good way (flirting!?) and a bad way (that poor clerk) is fun too.

I do think he trusted the girls & told them his story awfully fast, but that doesn't disrupt my pleasure in the story, and heck, if it took many many chapters for him to trust them, I'd get bored.

Harriverse posted a comment on Sunday 26th July 2009 12:33pm for The Yule Ball

You have a very fluid writing style. The story grabs you and makes you want to read. I can't wait to see what Harry does to Lucius....

Crys replied:

Thanks for the compliment.

Lucius's comeuppance will happen, but it won't be for several chapters yet.

Thanks for reading.

n4zhg posted a comment on Saturday 25th July 2009 6:48am for The Yule Ball

Plans shot to hell?

Can only mean one of two things: Dumbledork or everyone's favorite poison pen/beetle animagus.

Crys replied:

You're only the second reviewer to predict that it isn't a D.E. attack.  Nice to see that not everyone predicts gloom and doom.

If it helps, you're closer than most.

Thanks for reading

txspenguin posted a comment on Friday 24th July 2009 4:09pm for The Yule Ball

Very interesting. I look forward to reading more!

Anthony May posted a comment on Friday 24th July 2009 11:19am for The Yule Ball

This is quite an interesting story. A bit on the mature side, but being a 43 year old father of 3 children - all over the age of 18, I think I can handle it. Keep up the great work, I look forward to your next update.

Crys replied:

The subject matter is a bit on the mature side (while avoiding the explicit sex that is all too common in fanfic), but I'm trying to write how these teens handle the situation.

As a 38 year old father of two, it's hard for me not to think about mature subjects, I suppose.

Thanks for reviewing.

DiscountNinja posted a comment on Friday 24th July 2009 9:17am for The Yule Ball

As an addendum, I have to say I disagree with Bobmins review. I'm a fan of Bobmin, but you must notice how damned Super!Harry Bobmin's fics are - Harry is the solution to every problem and has powers beyonds anyones wildest dreams.

Don't get me wrong, I'm looking forward to the fic ending on a note where the ladies arn't slaves but ... you wanted to write a story about chattel, and you can't do it very well by saying "screw you, wizarding world" - every cliche in the world, lies that way. I'm looking forward to an ending every bit as morally satisfactory but done far more intelligent.

As as side note, even if it doesn't end up 'morally satisfactory', then that's fine. It's just a story, and I do have a terrible hunger in me for stories that toe the line in interesting ways. Dark, horror and a little morbidity can make for an interesting read =P

Bobmin is entitled to said opinion ... but please, by no means alter your plans based on the strength of that. I'm finding this fic to be heading interesting places, and are looking forward to the next installment.

Crys replied:

Bobmin has his style.  There's nothing wrong with that style, and I'm a fan of them (it's a husband/wife team) as well.  That just isn't my writing style.

I do respect them, but I assure you that my story won't change due to one review.

As for the ending of this one: "morally satisfactory"?  I think it ends well.  We'll see what everyone else thinks when we get there.

Thanks for reviewing.

DiscountNinja posted a comment on Friday 24th July 2009 9:10am for The Yule Ball

Hey Crys, i'm really enjoying this, which is very unusual as I don't tend to enjoy marraige contract fics, so you must be doing a damn fine job of it =D

In actual fact, it was the H/? that really drew me to the fic - a lot of fics these days are pretty obvious who Harry is meant for ( don't get me wrong, I like the simplicity when I have an urge to read cerain types of stories), but the unknown factor here has really got me interested =D

From the sounds of it, it's not going to be Harry/Ginny, which I have a hard time reading and probably not Harry/Hermione (which it my fav, but it's always good to have a change =P), so you've got my fully attension =P

I just want to say thanks as well, for sticking with the Fandom - too many authors are leaving for pastures new and whiel I cna't blame them, it is disheartening. So thank you for your continued writing, it's great to see such an experienced HP author keep going =D

Crys replied:

Glad I drew you in with they mystery and further glad I'm keeping you, despire it being a contract marriage fic.

Glad you're enjoying it.

Faith1 posted a comment on Thursday 23rd July 2009 7:48pm for The Yule Ball

I do like this idea so far, however I'm definetely not liking Ron. I mean, I know he's clueless, but I'd have thought Ginny would have at least beat some sense into him by now.

(Add-on)
Reading Bobmin's review, which I don't totally agree with, I feel I should add what I thought in the first chapter.

Why didn't Harry just say screw it and take the gir's to live the muggle way? Married the muggle way, with real rings... or even just move to America- usually fanfics describe them (American wizards) as much more open.

And by the by, is Voldemort dead yet or not? I wasn't quite sure about that.

Crys replied:

Ron will be dealt with.  Never fear.

As I told Bob, one of the things to take into consideration is Harry's "saving people thing".  As logical as chucking it all and moving to East St. Louis is, his inborn personality won't let it happen.

Voldy is very much alive.  Just on a recruitment drive for the past couple years.

Thanks for reviewing.

rogue7 posted a comment on Thursday 23rd July 2009 2:28pm for The Yule Ball

Fantastic chapter, with an evil cliffhanger... grrr =D

Prince Charon posted a comment on Thursday 23rd July 2009 11:48am for The Yule Ball

You're very good at this. Cruel cliffhanger, though.

Thank you for updating.

More soon, please.

yeehaw posted a comment on Thursday 23rd July 2009 5:21am for The Yule Ball

Brilliant story, I like the way you write the characters, very lifelike and realistic. You have a great storyline and include a great many details which make the story even better.

Depending on how long you plan the story to be and as you wrote that Tracy and Daphne cannot be real wifes, how about considering Luna for the real wife ? Having been treated the way she was at Hogwarts and considering her character in general I doubt she would lok down on Tracy and Daphne.

Thanks for a great read

Crys replied:

Luna could be a good addition to the dynamic, I grant you.

The story probably won't cover enough timeframe to get into that, though.  We'll see.

Glad you're enjoying it.

94caddy posted a comment on Thursday 23rd July 2009 12:36am for The Yule Ball

Great chapter. I have always liked Daphne, cant wait for the next chapter.

Alex00 posted a comment on Wednesday 22nd July 2009 10:20pm for The Yule Ball

great stuff