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Life's a Dance posted a comment on Saturday 22nd September 2007 6:03pm for Ashes

I know that I'm not an author, but I did well in English, so I would like to say that while this is a well written story, the repeated use of names when "he" or "they," etc. would have been a better usage detract from the whole of the story. My eyes kept getting stuck on the repeats, sometimes multiple times in a sentence. So, cheers, and keep writing!

Viridian posted a comment on Friday 21st September 2007 11:45pm for Ashes

Hmmm... a lot of unanswered questions. A creepy little atmospheric piece, but it still feels like the prologue for the real story.

FenrisWolf posted a comment on Friday 21st September 2007 4:24pm for Ashes

Not a bad little teaser of a prologue; it certainly poses more questions than it answers while at the same time hinting at all sorts of nefarious goings-on. However, you really should specify in your author's notes that this is an original story and not fanfic. I spent several minutes wondering why a Death Eater was talking to Voldemort on a cell phone, having drawn the conclusion that the fresh cadavers were being converted to Inferi.

Crys replied:

It's filed under "Miscellaneous - Original Fic".  You're right, though, that someone following a link in won't necessarily recognize that.

A/N changed.

Ronnee posted a comment on Friday 21st September 2007 12:32pm for Ashes

And the possibilities are so creepy that I shiver. Ya wonder does "Master" need the bodies to make Inferii. Does he need them to make corpse powder or the European version of it? Does he need them to sell to fund his war?... And those are just the not so creepy uses. The fact that it is not actually explained makes the story all the more intensely horrifying, because we all know that our own minds and imagination are worse than most descriptions of events.

Very well done. Now I'm going to spend the evening at work coming up with gross and creepy reasons behind this...

JBern posted a comment on Friday 21st September 2007 12:05pm for Ashes

Still just as creepy and likeabe. Good job.~Jim

Prince Charon posted a comment on Friday 21st September 2007 7:38am for Ashes

Creepy. Interesting, though.

Amamama posted a comment on Friday 21st September 2007 5:51am for Ashes

Heheh. Never a good idea to get too involved in the shadows, is it? you managed to cram a lot into those few words. Thanks! :)

LoggingInSucksAss posted a comment on Friday 21st September 2007 4:36am for Ashes

With the real thing posted now, I have to admit to some confusion. Since there's no context provided, either within the vignette or by way of fandom/genre, I can't find the "point" of the story. That's just the kind of reader I am - I need some reason as to the whys and wherefores. I find myself wondering why you chose bodies; you could just as easily have chosen used furniture, air gun pellets or drugs, or talking elmos.

Greg's name is interesting, and his calling his Master - reminds me of an Igor-type mad scientist's manservant character, and I do believe Frankenstein's first name was Victor... do I win a prize?

With the lack of definitive context, and though I do think what is written is written well, I can't help but feel this scene is a tad cliche - is this Frankenstein meets the Sopranos or CSI: Hoboken? The late night meeting with the contact, the contact asking too many questions and needing to be dealt with, etc.

Jeezus, I think I've written as much as you did on this by now. :)

Crys replied:

The idea was to stir up the readers' imagination.  To get you to fill in the blanks yourself.

Why does Gregorie (and his Master) want the bodies?  For the blood?  To animate the corpse?  To eat?  Some other, equally evil purpose?

Who are they?  WHAT are they?

What will they do to poor Vic now that he's displayed some curiosity?

I don't answer these questions, instead I set up a springboard for the readers' imaginations to go where they will.

Cliched?  Perhaps.  But the midnight rendevous, fog, and everything does paint the picture I wanted to put you into.

*laugh*  Hey, between the two posts, you've written a fair bit.  Thank you for that, BTW.

mmb posted a comment on Friday 21st September 2007 4:08am for Ashes

I must applaud Random_Guy for his deep analysis of the ideas presented in my previous review. Such depth of study on this topic displays a truly gifted mind and the insight in not only the Author’s mind, but that of the reviewers as well is something not often seen in modern fan created fictional content.

I am humbled to be quoted as a stepping stone to literary genus such as this. Thank you.

Crys replied:

FYI: I forwarded this on to Random_Guy

Random_Guy posted a comment on Friday 21st September 2007 3:59am for Ashes

The use of Juxtaposition of Concepts as an Analogy of Social Division in 'Ashes'

As mmb points out this is, at first glance, clearly a piece of two parts: The main body of work with it's air of Zen tranquility, and the Author's Note and it's cry for help. I would propose that a deeper examination of this piece reveals a number of hidden meanings, which when combined with the piece's split nature allude to the intellectual divisions found in modern society.

To truely appreciate the juxtaposition of concepts found in this piece one must first consider the two parts of the work seperately.

The main body of the work evokes the 'white cube' feel found in many art galleries and plays with the idea of 'non space', the idea of spaces which give no reference to the location they are contained in (simply put: the inside of one supermarket is pretty much like the inside of anyother supermarket anywhere in the world). The usage of these ideas draws our attention to the environment in which other works are typically displayed; an environment which are usually ignored in favour of the works displayed within them.

The Author's Note also carries additional meaning. While it is in it's self a cry for help, it also acts as a guide; leading the audience to an element of closure by addressing the very human tendancy to question the unknown. Here the closure is achieved through providing answers rather than encouraging independant analysis, thus destorying part of the purpose of the piece: the provocation of thought.

The juxtaposition of the two segments is reminicent of the intellectual class divides in society. The first part alluding to the more "high brow" intellectual entertainments, which require a certain ammount of background knowledge in order to be appreicated; and the second part quite cleverly showing both the "lowest common denominator" approach found in popular media, and the effect that this approach can have on the enjoyability of said media.

The effectiveness of the piece and it's exploration of the relationship between popular media and art serves to increase the tragedy that is it's loss due to the DMCA.



I believe my next essay should be titled "the use of Subversion of Popular Media in 'Ashes'"

- Random_Guy (who can BS about art with the best of them)

Crys replied:

[Crys applauds]

Truly awe-inspiring example of the art of B.S.  You have my admiration, sir.

Crys posted a comment on Friday 21st September 2007 3:49am for Ashes

Thanks to Jeconais, the chapter text became available as of the time of this review.

LoggingInSucksAss posted a comment on Friday 21st September 2007 3:47am for Ashes

Good afternoon. I represent the estate of John Cage, the influential composer of 4 minutes 33 seconds of silence [4' 33"].

While it is understandable that your infringement of his trademark may be unintentional, it is my duty to inform you that the estate vigorously persues all infringements. To that end, we have submitted a DMCA takedown notice to your ISP.

Thank you and have a nice day.

Hubert Lewis N. Dewey, Senior Partner
Dewey, Cheatham & Howe Partners, LLC

timmerator posted a comment on Friday 21st September 2007 3:18am for Ashes

Well... Its a nice blank. ;)

Crys replied:

Thank you.  I worked long and hard to make it just right ;)

fanficlover posted a comment on Friday 21st September 2007 3:02am for Ashes

Hope you get it sorted out soon.

Imagine my shock when I opened the story, only to be confronted with a blank page.

Crys replied:

Probably akin to my shock when I uploaded it, only to be confronted with a blank page.

I hope Jeconais tracks it down soon, too.  Though all the reviews with zero words posted does make for an interesting word/review ratio.

JIM HOOD posted a comment on Friday 21st September 2007 2:32am for Ashes

this is the most intense chapter ever I get a great sense of accomplishment front the great scribe "Cry's '. it also leaves the reader wanting more. side note; i hope you get the bug worked out lol

Crys replied:

Fear not, gentle reader, the sequel "Ashes the Return" will be making an appearance as soon as the technical glitches get worked out.

mmb posted a comment on Friday 21st September 2007 1:23am for Ashes

The body of the work is a brilliant exercise in existentialism and positively drips with zen like tranquility.

The Author's Note, however, seems to be a cry in the darkness for some sort of rescue.

The juxtaposition of the two, while on the serface lacking harmony, combine to provide a detailed view of the Author's deepest fears.

Congratulations to you, sir, for your fearlessness in bearing yourself to your public like this.

;)

Crys replied:

*laugh*

Now I'm tempted to leave this up just as it is, simply to see how many other reviews like this one I get!

Cliff Bryner posted a comment on Friday 21st September 2007 1:05am for Ashes

Well. I hope we get to see the story soon. Anticipation.

Amamama posted a comment on Friday 21st September 2007 12:22am for Ashes

Erm - something to read, too Crys? Besides the title? I could of course review that: Intriguing title, brings to mind this summer's Greek disaster and other wildfires, as well as burial rituals and fires in general. Ashes are fertile and clean, provided the material burned isn't contaminated, and can be used to make lye. What to expect from the story? Don't know, so I hope I'll find it soon. :D That ok? *wink*

Crys replied:

Okay, okay, I get the point. *grumble grumble*

I can't seem to get it uploaded.  Have already asked Jeconais to give me a clue.

Sonicdale posted a comment on Friday 21st September 2007 12:11am for Ashes

um...
where's the file?
:)

Crys replied:

On my hard drive.

More seriously, I can't seem to get it uploaded.  Have already asked Jeconais to give me a clue.