Content Harry Potter Miscellaneous
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Author Notes:

Yep, still adding as ideas are sent in.  Thanks to all who have (and still continue) to contribute ideas.

8 Dec


401.  Scene by misterq.  Reproduced without modification.

"What are you working on, Harry?" asked Ron.

"Magical rail cannon."

"Rail cannon? Is that something for a train?"

"It fires a cube of iron at twenty times the speed of sound," Harry said. "No shield, magical or otherwise, can stop it. And it's accurate at over two miles. More with the Dark Lord-seeking guidance system.

"Why would a train need that?"

"Go back to talking about chess and quidditch, Ron."


402.  Scene by misterq.  Reproduced without modification.  Tildessmoo came up with a bunny along the same lines independently as well.

Harry Potter and his friends crouched near the top of a green hill behind a crumbling stone wall. They were gazing at a small mansion that was also crumbling. Said mansion could have once been called glorious, perhaps even decadent, but years of little to no maintenance had their effect. All of which led up to the current day, when it was finally being used as the temporary base for Voldemort and his Deatheaters.

"Months of waiting and it finally paid off. And I have to owe it all to Hermione, the Girl-Who-Figured-Out-The-Prophesy." Harry told his now blushing companion.

"It wasn't all that much." She said.

Ron spoke up, "Oh, stop being so modest. I know I for one would have never caught the real meaning."

"Well, you guys did round up all the horocruxes and stashed them in the basement." She replied.

"It wasn't hard with the invisibility cloak and the fact that Ron had a professional cursebreaker in the family. You were the one who listened to Trelawney repeat that bloody thing in the pensive over and over until you caught it." Harry said, pulling out a little box from his pocket. "You want to do the honors?"

The bushy haired witch shook her head. "It has to be you. That would make the prophecy come true, and besides… what he did to your parents. What he did to your life."

Hermione just opened the box to reveal the silver switch and red button. She flipped the switch, causing a red LED light to turn on and pushed the box back to Harry. "All I did was spot the pause. The fact that Sybill wasn't actually saying, 'but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not'. She was saying, 'but he will have the power. The Dark Lord knows Nott.'. Now you have the power, meaning all the C4 we snuck into Nott's mansion's basement - time to end it."

Harry looked at her for a moment, then at the box. He nodded once, and then pressed down on the button of the detonator.


403. Bunny by Evan Mayerle

"What is the cause of this?" Voldemort hissed, staring at his decaying hand.

Wormtail and Snape were both rapidly flipping through pages in the books that the elder Malfoy had brought.

"Here it is," Pettigrew squeaked, one silver finger running down the page.  "According to this, the created form will decay if the incorrect bone is used."

Just as his form turned to a pile of dust, Voldemort sighed.  "Oh, mother," he said, disappointed that she'd lied about his father.


404. Scene by misterq.  Reproduced with minor modifications.

In the middle of a small, peaceful wizarding park that was the site of some ancient Ministry of Magic stood what appeared to be a very lifelike statue mostly covered in pigeon droppings. Who the nameless Dark Lord with reptilian features was or when he lived was not written on the pedestal. And indeed, most people would first glance toward the small Time Turner perpetually shattering while hovering in midair about two feet from the arrogant figure, attached to the Dark Lord's wand only by a glowing yellow colored spell.

If the casual passerby's eyes happen to glance down to the lone inscription carved into the worn marble placard, they would read 'Beware: Horrible things can happen to wizards that mess around with time travel'.


405. Bunny by Crys.

As Aurors led Marvolo Gaunt away, a newly arrived gawker asked another what had happened.

"Gaunt dangled his grandson by his ankle from the roof.  Dropped the poor kid, trying to force accidental magic.  Was a squib, it seems."


406. Scene by misterq.  Reproduced with minor modifications.

While Lily Potter screamed and pleaded with the Dark Lord not to kill her son, baby Harry reached into his mother's pocket and pulled out a few of the experimental rune stones she had been working on. Then, as all babies tend to do with new things, Harry shoved three of the small stones into his mouth.

Voldemort sneered at the dead woman before turning his attention towards the boy. The Killing Curse hit the baby who was gnawing on the power, amplify, and absorption stones inside his mouth. Nothing happened. No scar, no dead toddler, nothing. The green beam did absolutely nothing.

The Dark Lord was astounded. He cast his favorite spell again with the same results. The same thing happened with the third, fourth, and fifth casting. Voldemort tried other curses at that point. Blood boiling, bone breaking, decapitation curses, even fiendfyre. Nothing. Harry Potter just sat, staring back at him.

Pulling out a dagger, Voldemort advanced at the boy. Harry could now feel the ill intent from this tall scary man who had been shooting different colors at him. The toddler reasoned that maybe he was upset because he gave him all those colors and got none in return.

And with that thought, Harry's eyes changed from their usual green to a kaleidoscopic prism of swirling colors before launching an amplified combination of all the spells Voldemort cast right back at the dark wizard.


407. Scene by misterq.  Reproduced with minor modifications.

When they learned how to apperate, Harry asked Hermione to see if she could develop a spell that would force someone to apperate. She managed it, but warned that there was a serious risk of splinching the target.

Not much of a drawback if you're using it in battle, Harry mused as he casually kicked Voldemort's head like a soccer ball.

---

408. Scene by misterq.  Reproduced with minor modifications.

Voldemort died peacefully of old age. Unfortunately, that was shortly after drinking some house elf delivered fire whiskey laced with an extra strong version of the Weasley twins' aging potion.

---

409. Scene by misterq.  Reproduced with minor modifications.

"Reparo!" Harry cried the first spell he could think of and overpowered it with his emotions.

Voldemort clutched himself as he changed. His eyes turned back from red to his natural brown. His nose and hair crew back. But the most profound changes were all in his mind.

With a wave of his hand, the tall, elderly, but still somewhat handsome man stunned all of the Death Eaters.

"Thank you, Harry Potter. You have brought a measure of sanity back to this foolish man."

In that moment, Voldemort was truly and forever dead.


410. Bunny by Minerva Granger.

Harry stared at Dobby.  "Where did you put him?"

"With the other unwanted magical items, Harry Potter sir."

"What do you mean by 'unwanted magical items', Dobby?"

"When Mr. Filchy asks the house-elves to dispose of a magical item, we put it into a storage closet, Harry Potter sir.  He is in there."

Harry's lip twitched.  "You're telling me you put Voldemort into a closet with generations of confiscated Fanged Frisbees and Ever-Bashing Boomerangs?"

"And fireworks and biting teacups and dungbombs and . . ."


411. Scene by Gullwhacker, inspired by Superman 2.  Reproduced without modification.

Harry collapsed at Voldemort's feet, a half dozen Death Eaters surrounding the two. The Dark Lord had a pensive look on his face before withdrawing an odd staff.

"I will not settle for killing you, Potter. With this, I will take all your power for my own, and none will be able to stop me!" With that boast, he touched the end of the staff to Harry, green arcs of lightning crackling between the two.

Harry reached up, weakly, to grab at Voldemort's arm. A curious look came over his face as a cracking sound emerged from where he'd squeezed. Voldemort, for his part, was too shocked to so much as cry out.

"Thanks, Tom. I think you were holding it backwards." Standing up, Harry grabbed Voldemort with one hand, lifting him up easily before hurling him into a wall. "So who's next?"


8 Dec

25 March


412. Bunny by Trscroggs.

"How did you defeat him, Harry?"

The shouted question cut through the loud party going on in the Great Hall.  Everyone quieted and turned to the Boy-Who-Won.

Harry shrugged and pointed to the side.  "I didn't.  She did."

Every head swiveled to stare at an unassuming woman wearing black muggle clothing.  "Thank you, my dear," Dumbledore said into the incredulous silence.  "May I ask your name and how you defeated the worst Dark Lord in recent human history?"

"Not that it really matters, but I'm Jeanne Pierce.  As for the Voldemort fellow, he's hardly the worst I've dealt with."  She chuckled at the sea of gawking faces.  "What, you think the magical world, as you call it, is the only hidden society on earth?  Naw, there're dozens.  The psi's, the supra-science, couple different genetic variations on humans, and so on.  Every one of 'em has several so called 'Dark Lords' at any given time.  Your Voldemort only ranked about a three out of ten."

Harry chuckled, but his was the only reaction in the room.  "So, can you stick around for a while?  I'm sure these folks," he waved at the hundreds of wizards, "would like to honor you."

"Naw.  I already got my next assignment.  The superheroes are panicking about someone in Oxford.  Bye, all."


413. Scene by Trscroggs.  Reproduced with modifications.

Dumbledore stared, flabbergasted, at the remains of Voldemort.  An unassuming American auror had just defeated Voldemort in single combat.  Ignoring the beginning of the cleanup operations going on around him, he moved toward where the American encampment – and subsequent defensive stand – had been for months.  He found the Auror in question speaking with Harry Potter.

"There you go," Max said to Harry. "One dead Dark Lord, just as you asked."

"Thank you, Mr. Thompson," Harry replied, "Thank you so much for ending this for me."

"But Harry," Dumbledore interrupted, "only the child of the prophecy could defeat Voldemort."

"I can answer that," Max answered.  "American Aurors have experience in prophecies too. There’s even an optional class in them at the Auror's academy. Harry here was kind enough to recite the prophecy to us, and we figured out all its loopholes."

"First, I was born on July 31st. Voldemort marked me as his equal when he challenged me to a solo duel, and he lost his fight by my ‘hand’."

"But your parents did not defy him," Dumbledore protested.

Max waved that away. "I contacted my parents after Harry told us the prophecy and had them say 'I would never join Voldemort,' three times. Since Voldemort wanted to conquer the whole wizarding world, they where defying Voldemort without him ever knowing."

"And the 'Power he knows not'?" Dumbledore asked.

"That one's a little embarrassing. See, I'm a partial shape-shifter I can change the length of my hair." Max quickly changed his military crew-cut into shoulder-length locks. "The prophecy only said I had a power, not that it would be useful."


414. Scene by scythrealblood.  Reproduced with modifications.

Lord Voldemort apparated into the heavily forested area that Wormtail had told him about. Potter was last seen here in Korea, and he, the greatest Dark Lord ever, was here to kill him.

"Halt! You are in a De-militarized Zone! Identify yourself or we will open fire!" a strong, gruff voice called out in American English.

Insolent fools.  Voldemort raised his wand.

"Open fire!"


415. Scene by tonicwater.  Reproduced without modification.

Professor Quirrell scowled inside as he stood just inside the entrance to Platform 9 3/4, watching students come through in ones and twos. Why did he, of all people, have to get the assignment to watch the brats? Why not Snape? At least that would be amusing to watch.

A sudden uproar arose, and he looked over just in time to see Crabbe and Goyle's sons topple onto the young Malfoy. A grimace flashed across his face before he ran over to assist, keeping his cover. Unfortunately, on the way he tripped over a badly-placed trunk labeled 'N. Tonks'. For a moment, he lay prostrate on the ground...long enough for Harry Potter to come through, running over the man's head with a baggage cart.


416. Scene by Regina Noctis.  Reproduced without modification.

Voldemort glanced at the black object in the corner of his den with some distaste. Lucius Malfoy had, in honor of the Dark Lord’s resurrection, given Voldemort a present. Dark Lords needed their secrecy kept perfectly intact, and thus Lucius had given Voldemort a magically-powered shredder. Voldemort sighed and began to feed the shredder with scraps of parchment on which he had doodled plans to destroy Harry Potter and Albus Dumbledore.

But long fwoopy sleeves that were mundane to magical robes did not agree with the Muggle concept of shredders, apparently.


417. Scene by DragoFlare.  Reproduced with minor modifications.  I know the location of this horcrux isn't canon, but we're already so far into an AU that canon isn't even visible anymore.

Lord Voldemort was many things, a powerful wizard, a psychopath, and a a lover of Elton John songs, but one thing he wasn't was careless, most of the time.

Every six months since his resurrection, Tom made sure to check on his hidden Horcruxes to ensure the traps he set around them were still active.

He was on the final leg of his latest inspection, the orphanage where he spent his childhood and hid Helga Hufflepuff's chalice.

Riddle made sure to disable all the hexes and spells he place throughout the building, the decapitating curse on the entrance, the trapped stairs, and the incinerating ward on the room itself where Helga Hufflepuff's cup rested.

"Now why do I get the feeling that I'm forgetting something important...?" the dark wizard thought to himself as he cast several obscure detection charms over the cup to verify its authenticity.

"I'm sooooo bored! When is the master going to bring me my next meal?" a voice whined off in the shadows.

"Oh bugger! Now I remember!" Voldemort gulped.

"Oh master! you came you came! Can I have my meal now? I starving! After thirty years of living on rats, I welcome some variety with open arms! That is if I had any!" A hundred foot basilisk chortled in parseltongue as it slithered out to meet its master.

"Um, I sorry, but I didn't bring you anything to eat..." the dark lord muttered as he backed toward the door. It was at that moment when he remembered why he stuck this particular Basilisk here. It got very temperamental when it didn't get fed.

And my temperamental, I mean that the body count was usually into the dozens by the time Riddle and his Death Eaters managed to subdue the thing.

"I think I might have heard you wrong. Did you say that you DIDN'T bring me anything to eat." the giant snake hissed as he edged toward Tom, its expression darkening.

"Erm...well." Voldemort hemmed and hawed.

"Maybe I should make a meal out of YOU!" the shake roared as it snapped at his head.

Voldemort let out an undignified yelp as he hurled himself away from the ferocious snake and scrambled for safety.

Unfortunately, he forgot that he only disabled the traps, not dispelled them all together.

As soon as he ran out of the room, the wizard ran afoul of the combustion ward he put around the doorway.

"OW! HOT! HOT HOT!"

And the trip jinx at the top of the stairs.

BANG!

AUGH!

BUMP!

ACK!

BOOM!

OW!

And last but not least, the decapitating curse at the entrance of the building.

THUNK!

"Oh, well.  A meal's a meal..." The snake hissed as he dragged the headless, broken, bloody, and crispy body back inside.

Hey, I said he wasn't careless most of the time, not all the time.


418. Scene by Doc Sportscar.  Reproduced without modification.

Voldemort could taste triumph. He had Potter cornered here, in the deepest bowels of the Department of Mysteries, with no way for the brat to escape. Now the boy was running for the Veil itself, the one place where Riddle could kill him regardless of whatever protections his Mudblood mother had put on him. Voldemort threw the door open, a smile of unholy triumph already stretching across his lips.

His foot slipped on a patch of slick grease as soon as he put it down inside the room, and Voldemort fell forward. His other foot and body landed against more grease, and as he slid over the floor towards the waiting veil all Voldemort's mind could do was shriek that this was impossible. Someone would have had to know exactly where he would step to know where to put the grease! How could anyone possibly-

Voldemort looked frantically over his shoulder for a way out. He didn't find one, but the brightly smiling woman waving goodbye to him from next to the door gave Tom Riddle one last thought to take with him into eternity.

Sybil Trelawney was an even better actress than she was a diviner. She had spent nearly twenty years pretending to be completely ineffective at predicting the future.


419. Scene by misterq.  Reproduced with minor modifications.

This was it. All the Horcruxes were gone and it was down to just Harry and Voldemort, dueling each other in the Chamber of Secrets.

The spells were flying fast and furious. Voldemort's shield gave out right as Harry sent out two lethal curses and a Jelly Legs Jinx. Years of experience made the Dark Lord avoid certain death and step into the almost harmless spell as he worked on getting a new shield cast.

That was when Harry yelled out a phrase he had seen on television once. "Shut yo' mouth!" the boy shouted in parseltongue. And the last thing Voldemort saw as he lay on the ground with unresponsive legs was the great stone mouth of Salazar Slytherin biting down.


420. Scene by misterq.  Reproduced without modification.

Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley looked at the twitching form of the soon-to-be-dead Lord Voldemort.

"Remind me never to get you mad enough to cast that spell, Ginny."

"It was too hectic in the middle of battle, Harry. All I did was accidentally add a word and suddenly, my 'bat bogey hex' became the 'bat brain bogey hex'," said the girl as several grey bat-like forms made their way out of the former Dark Lord's ear canal.

---

421. Scene by misterq.  Reproduced without modification.

Voldemort sat on his throne. Another nation had fallen to his rule, but still there were rebels, discontents, and more countries to crush. Always more plans to be made.

"How long is he going to be like this?" Harry asked Hermione while pointing to the Dark Lord, who looked as though he was smiling in his sleep.

"I never made a way out," the bushy-haired girl said. "The device runs off of his magical core. It provides the nutrients his body need, handles life support, and creates progressively more difficult challenges as time goes on. It also suppresses all thought about the simulation not being actually real."

"That's brilliant! So he's stuck like that until we destroy all his soul pieces?" Harry asked.

"We can toss him into a Gringotts vault and work on that at our leisure while he plays 'Sim-World-Conquest'," Hermione smiled, "I think he is on level three out of infinity at the moment."

---

422. Scene by misterq.  Reproduced without modification.

Voldemort woke up in his bed, vowing revenge on Harry Potter and the failed 'Endless Nightmare' spell the boy tried to cast. That was when he noticed his face felt funny. The dark lord reached over to rub it, only to have a large chunk of flesh fall away. He tried again and again, until all that was left was a grinning skeleton - and soon even that was coming apart!

Voldemort woke up in his bed, vowing revenge on Harry Potter and the failed 'Endless Nightmare' spell the boy tried to cast. That was when he noticed he was completely cocooned in an acromantula web, covered in spiders. And one spider the size of a truck was slowly leaning closer in order to plunge his venomous fangs into him.

Voldemort woke up in his bed, vowing revenge on Harry Potter and the failed 'Endless Nightmare' spell the boy tried to cast, only to notice that something was moving under the skin in his arm. Many somethings. And then the pain started.

Shaking, Voldemort woke up in his bed, vowing revenge on Harry Potter and the failed 'Endless Nightmare' spell the boy tried to cast . . .


423. Scene by misterq.  Reproduced without modification.

Harry cast the tripping charm at Voldemort and dived through the floo. The Dark Lord fell after him so only his head and arms emerged from the other side. Harry quickly whirled around and cast a sticking charm on Voldemort's wand hand before racing off. Voldemort was still trying to free his hand when the floo powder ran out, shutting off the mystic transportation fire, and incidentally slicing him in half.

---

424. Scene by misterq.  Reproduced with minor modifications.

It was Hermione who made the spell, but Harry who cast it on the Dark Lord. Voldemort tried to cast the killing curse in retaliation, but midway through the process, he was suddenly distracted by a cloud shaped like Nagini. He tried again, only for a sparkly rock to catch his attention. The former Dark Lord screamed in frustration at his new symptoms of Extreme Distraction Curse before suddenly noticing how fluffy a random squirrel's tail was. He was futilely still trying to catch the small creature when the aurors came.

---

425. Scene by misterq.  Reproduced without modification.

At first, Harry thought it was a mistake to introduce the twins to muggle cinema. But as time went on, the Weasley brothers started sending him working items they developed from the movies they watched. He already had a magical light saber and a ring that would turn him invisible (and that's all it did, or so the twins claimed). But Harry smiled as he thought of Voldemort and his army gathering at the gates of Hogwarts and then looked down at his new working replica of the Ark of the Covenant in all of its face-melting glory.


426. Bunny by Puck.

Tom Riddle,

Per the recent decree passed by the Wizengamot (342-399-98436524.DKOG, popularly known as the "Pureblood Marriage Law"), you, as the acknowledged Heir of Ancient House of Slytherin are hereby ordered and required by the British Ministry of Magic to marry forthwith.

As you have not filed the parchmentwork stating your intent to marry, nor your choice of bride, the following muggleborn witch has been selected for -

Voldemort didn't read any further.  He turned his wand on himself.  "Avada Kedavra!"


427. Bunny by me, based on the above.

Tom Riddle,

Per the recent decree passed by the Wizengamot (342-399-98436524.DKOG, popularly known as the "Pureblood Marriage Law"), you, as a half-blood are hereby ordered and required by the British Ministry of Magic to marry forthwith.

As you have not filed the parchmentwork stating your intent to marry, nor your choice of bride, the following pureblooded witch has been selected for you: Sibyll Trelawney

Voldemort didn't read any further.  He turned his wand on himself.  "Avada Kedavra!"


428. Bunny by me, based on the above.

Tom Riddle,

Per the recent decree passed by the Wizengamot (342-399-98436524.DKOG, popularly known as the "Pureblood Marriage Law"), you, as the acknowledged Heir of the Ancient House of Slytherin are hereby ordered and required by the British Ministry of Magic to marry forthwith.

As you have not filed the parchmentwork stating your intent to marry, nor your preference in choice of spouse, the following muggleborn has been selected for you: Colin Creevey

Voldemort didn't read any further.  He turned his wand on himself.  "Avada Kedavra!"


429. Story by Loralee. Shortened variation here, but the full story is: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1665560/1/Dudley_Dursley_Saves_the_World

During the fight at Privet Drive, Harry had seen his cousin moving around (surprisingly quickly for his size) and throwing punches.  Once all of Harry's immediate opponents were down, he turned to where he'd last seen his cousin.

He fully expected to see Death Eaters standing over his dead cousin.

He didn't expect to see Dudley standing over a prone Voldemort.  Even as he watched, Voldemort groaned, only to receive another kick in the temple from the younger obese Dursley.

Harry walked over.  "Hey, Dudley, you're a going to be a hero in the Wizarding world.  They'll probably give you a medal."


430. Bunny by me.

Goyle Sr. entered Voldemort's private room to make a report.  Seeing his master was reviewing a memory in his Pensieve, the brutish man looked around for something to pass the time.  Seeing a bowl of fruit, he crossed the room to investigate (and get a quick snack).

Unfortunately, he bumped the Pensieve.

Which spilled.

Sending all of its stored memories (and incidentally Voldemort's consciousness) all over the filthy floor.


25 March

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Author Notes:

As I've said at the beginning of the past few chapters, I add scenes to these chapters as ideas are sent to me or occur to me.  Once a chapter is at 50, I start the next chapter.  The fact that this chapter has less than 50 is NOT AN ERROR.

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