1001 Deaths of Lord Voldemort

Tom's mother lives and returns to her ancestral home. Her brother (just out of Azkaban on parole) returns home after a long night at a dingy pub in knockturn alley. Tom cries all night but his mother (who takes sleeping potions) sleeps through it. At about 4 in the morning after a long and sleepless night, Morfin Gaunt shakes the baby, and the baby dies.

His mother is heartbroken. Everyone else is relieved.

Voldie and the DE's are tunneling into "Hogwarts". Suddenly alarms sound, a mechanized voice intones, "Evacuate the premises! The reactor has been compromised! Evacuate the premises! IMMEDIATELY!"

Just before his world explodes, Voldie's last thought is, "I knew I should have taken that right turn at Albuquerque"

Voldie apparates onto a major thoroughfare in the center of London -- or that's what he intends. Unfortunately the road is under construction and he lands in the ashphalt truck and is laid into the roadway, leaving a Voldie shaped speed bump.

Harry grins as he erects a warning sign, "Dip In Road"

Bunny added to file (337, I think).  Thank you.

Jonah and the Big Fish
=/=
Voldie and the Giant Squid

Voldie can't get into Hogwarts, remembers story of how Jonah got to Ninevah. Decides to travel via squid stomach.

Squid gets diarrhea instead of nausea.

What was the one about where Voldemort casts the cutting hex and the person's blood is black and his eyes start to burn? What is that a reference too?

That's a reference to the aliens from The X-Files series.

What was 71?

71 was one of the aliens from The X-Files series.

Wondered if I could add to the #64

F) Harry, having gone to visit his parents grave, passed a tombstone with the name Harry Potur inscribed. Having not specified which Harry Potter, the sound of the Portkey was muffled by the dirt under the deeply buried coffin.

G) Harry stood by the railing along with a dozen other people in matching yellow rain jackets. The sound of the arriving Portkey was drowned out by the rushing waters of Niagra Falls.

____

Voldemort, tired and stressed from Potter hunting, was currently in the shallow end of the pool playing with a rubber ducky when Goyle Senior reached over and grabbed the ducky from his hands. Enraged and without his wand, he chased Goyle around the pool, ignoring the obnoxious whistles coming from the lifeguard station.

"No running on the deck!" The young lifeguard shouted. He watched helplessly as the skinny pale man slipped, cracking his skull on the wet tiles. Voldemort groaned and he rolled over, face first into the edge of the pool. Feeling uncompassionate towards the man who had stolen toys from the other children watched as his flailing arms slowed to a stop. "I told him not to run."

_____

Voldemort cackled evilly as his plan to destroy Harry Potter was underway. Potter was being detained in an undisclosed location in North America, where he was currently flying towards. Deliriously happy at his good fortune he didn't see an American Airlines jet flying dangerously close behind him. His cloak was sucked into the turbo jet engine along with the rest of his body.

Down below, a short woman in black rimmed glasses smirked as the large middle aged man sitting across from her stared up in shock.

"See what I mean? No capes!" Edna exlaimed.

____
Voldemort's strength had been greatly diminished after his escape from Quirell's body. Somehow his spirit had wandered out into Trenton, New Jersey where it settled into the nearest muggle body it could find. Unfortunately he settled into the 80 something year old body of Mama Macaroni, who was sitting in a hijacked car with her hand turning the key in the ignition. The last thing he heard through those nearly deaf ears was the sound of an explosion.

In the background a very pissed of Stephanie Plum, Bounty Hunter and record breaking car destroyer, was jumping up and down screaming, "Why me? Why does this always happen to me? It was a new car!" The 200 pound, yellow spandex wearing, black woman/ex ho named Lula commented shakily next to her. "Old broad deserved it. She stole my best red knit sweater!"
____
Well, I thought of more than one but I wanted to share them with you. =) The last one is from a favourite serious of novels I'm reading by Janet Evanovich. Her Stephanie Plum novels are brilliant!

64.H and 64.I added.

Bunnies 187 and 188 added.

Haven't read the Stephanie Plum novels, I'm afraid.

Oh i forgot to mention Harry should come in his Admiral Uniform :-)

Two bound figures were brought before Lord Voldemort. The slightly smaller one started talking.

"Master, do you feel that, too?"

Before the Dark Lord could answer, the other one responded.

"Yes, my Padawan, I do."

"It is like a great disturbance in the Force. So much dark energy."

"Yes, Padawan. I think our time for negotiation is over."

Two lightsabers ignited.

Right. My mistake.

Looking up his gear..full diving gear..Check, 1
portkey to the lake near to Burrow..Check..
That would teach them a lesson.. "killing That Potter right front of that red-haired wench.."
Voldemort thought..
They are coming!! came warning from Spy..
Activate Portkey!!..

When Voldemort was ready to go to surface,he felt sharp teeths digging his scrawny legs.
His magic was useless againts mature Grindylow,
who was looking snack for his mate..
Few bubbles came to surface..Harry and Ginny were too occupied snogging to notice...

Thanks.  Bunny added to the next chapter.

This was funny! Keep writing more!

Buffy is on holidays in London. She finds a local vampire gathering and decides to have a little fun. The vampires came to this place to get new instructions from Dark Dork. After the gathering Buffy thinks the pale ugly thing was a really strange and pathetic weak demon.

Greetings

Killer07

Not a BtVS fan, either.

Like I keep telling you, Killer, you should start writing these :)

We all know Rituals needs special conditions to work. What happens if one changes? As Wormtail is adding the Blood into the Potion to revive Voldy Harry gives his permission to use it figuring the faster it is done the faster they can put down Moldyshorts permanently. Unfortunately the clause "unwilling taken" must be a given to avoid failure of the ritual and the explosion that follows a failure of the ritual :-)

Greetings

Killer07

Thanks.  Bunny added to file.  Your 46th

Jung Tom Riddle did take a credit from the Goblins and never paid it back. Now after they get the info that Moldyshorts is really Tom they come to get their money back :-)

Greetings

Killer07

Thanks.  Bunny added to file.  Your 45th

Referencing Killer07's recommendation on adding 007 to the mix-

Before I got to the final line "Q is going to kill me for this" I thought you were doing a Shane Schofield allusion, especially given the grappling hook, the hugely expensive car, and the chaos. My mistake!

Freddy Krueger is pissed. Since the war progressed to the point where muggle know of the magical world and Voldemort the children on the Elm Street don't fear him anymore but this Moldyshorts character. Where is the fun in this? So he decides to visit this guy in his dreams and show him true fear before removing him from the equation.

Greetings

Killer07

Nope, didn't watch this movie (or series as the case may be), either.

A Portkey dumps Voldy in a small strange chamber together with a fly. What he doesn't know this is part of a teleporter and the inventor starts a last systemcheck and teleport test bevore he wants to test it on himself.

Greetings

Killer07

And another Stargate Bunny. Voldy aparated directly in front of the Stargate. He hears a "Chevron seven locked" and the next think he sees somethink blue coming to him...

Greetings

Killer07

Thanks.  Bunny added to file. Your 44th

Voldemort grew a god complex and every DE has to refer to him as a god. Now he tests a new type of portkey in the hope to break the new anti portkey wards of Hogwarts. The Result is the Portkey drops them at another planet that SG1 is currently visiting. As Voldy beginns with his i'm a god rutine O'Neil only thinks to himself not another of those snake faces and fires three zat gun shots at Moldyshorts :-)

Greetings

Killer07

Thanks.  Bunny added to file.  Your 43rd